I am first a follwer of Jesus Christ. My goal is to daily transform, becoming more like him. Second, I am a mother of three young children who make my life crazy fun. We are also expecting a baby in May 2010. I love being silly, but know when to be serious too. My husband is an amazing partner in this journey and we enjoy creating great memories with our kids. Life sure has lots of opportunities for that!
Smiles is such a special little guy. I will admit that I actually wondered if I would be able to love my children equally because of the attachment I had to Curly and the fact that I wasn't all that ready for him to join our family yet. I wanted another child, but wasn't sure that I could handle going through the steps yet. Birth was still a huge anxiety and I was dreading the first months with him. Curly had been so hard at times when she was a new baby and would cry for long periods of time without stopping. It was not the most precious time in my memory. I loved her, but she brought out some ugly emotions during that first couple months.
As I was anxious one night I was searching scripture for some comfort and the Lord brought me to this verse:
"Fear not for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
I found myself meditating on that verse to calm my nerves and to help me to focus on the right things. It helped, and during the process of my labor and delivery with Smiles I kept my mind on it again. It kept me calm by focusing on the fact that God was with me and He would help me.
His name was a name that we had picked out long ago for a boy name if our first had been a boy. We liked how the names we chose created the initials spell out the short version of his name. So cute and witty if I do say so myself. Later, Vicky made the connection with his name and the verse. His name means son of my right hand. The verse says, "I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." It may not mean much to anyone else, but it makes him name so special to me. It reminds me even more that Smiles is His child. "Son of His righteous right hand" to piece the two together.
My little guy has been such a mellow fellow. He doesn't cry that much, and he loves to cuddle with Mom. His crying always stops after I find the reason for it, he isn't one to cry just for the sake of crying. He is content to just chill out and watch his sister, he much prefers it to toys of any sort. (Though she tries to give him all sorts of her toys.) He taught me that I could, in fact, love another child as much as my dear firstborn. I figured he would.