Tuesday, October 14, 2008

My Heart is Breaking Tonight

I have a special woman that came into my life seven years ago. She has become a very special person to me and has taught me a lot of things. We were roommates for a year, and our friendship grew strong during that time. To say that we didn't drive each other nuts would be a lie, we did. We are very different in some ways, we were a lot more different back then. Sharing a roof with my beautiful Brie taught me a great many things about myself and how self righteous and judgmental I was with my "perfect Christian" image to keep. We had a lot of late night talks about many things, some including faith. I don't think that she knows this, but even though it may have appeared from the outside that I was doing the "teaching" when it came to faith, she has given me a great many lessons on being more Christ like.

Through the years, though we have had quite a few long spurts without talking, God has laid a burden on my heart to pray for her family. Often there would be nights that I would wake just thinking of her and Mike and feel a need to pray. Sometimes in a specific way and sometimes not. I would listen to that urge and pray. I do not know the outcome of most of those prayers, for quite a few times it was during times that we weren't in frequent contact. I know that my Lord was alongside them though and that He loves them very much. It's amazing the connection you feel toward someone when you pray with your entire being for them. Having a God-given burden to pray is far different than praying for a request that you hear from a friend or in church. Yes, those prayers are good to pray too, they are just different. I cry with overwhelming feeling right now as I try to describe to you the depth with which these prayers have come. They have had the same level of emotion as those that I have prayed for my husband and children in times of dire need. My heart has such a strong connection there that I just don't know how to describe. When her heart falls, mine falls with it.

When I was pregnant with my little guy, Brie was a couple weeks ahead of me in a pregnancy as well. She lost that baby at the end of her first trimester. It was heart breaking for her, and I knew how she felt. I had lost a baby previous to Curly and it was a very hard thing to go through. A few months down the road she found out she was pregnant, this time with twins. At 18 weeks of pregnancy her water broke with one of the babies. I remember reading her terrible news and feeling my heart drop. Immediately tears swelled and I called upon my Lord on her behalf. I love my Brie, and I couldn't accept that she would possibly have to go through such a loss again. Not long into my prayer I was overcome with peace that everything would be okay, that these babies would live and be loved by their parents. From that moment on I didn't have many moments of fear for them, just sad moments over the feelings that my dear friend had to go through. Moments of fear, of not knowing what the future holds, of missing out on things that her four year old son was doing because of the strict bed rest she was on. It's been a hard road.

This week she reached the point in pregnancy where the doctors consider her babies viable. She started getting steroid shots to help the babies lungs develop faster. She has seemed to be in a less depressed state because she has passed the point where she has to fear anything happening and each day brings her babies chance of survival greater and greater. Her hope has returned.

Tonight she headed into the hospital. She started having a lot of bleeding and that is NOT a good thing. I don't know many details other than that at this point and I assume that she is still in the hospital, hopefully with babies still in her belly. I had a rough day today and was already a ball of tears, so this new information has thrown me over the top. Though my hope is still strong that they will get to hold their babies and love on them, my heart is heavy for her. My mind still has those moments when I wonder, "Did I hear you right Lord? Is my interpretation of your peace correct?". My heart is steadily perched away from my body, right beside her in each moment that happens. I feel such love for these unborn babies just through the connection of prayer. Though I am not there and I do not know the details, I know that she sits with the one who loves her far beyond any love we can understand. He knows her hurt. He hurts with her as well. He holds her in his gentle arms and is able to make good of the situation no matter the outcome.

My request is that you might remember her in your prayers tonight and in the days to come. Pray that the Lord gives her peace and strength. I have to say that she has been a shining example through all of her strife. Yes, she has moments of fear and depression. She is surviving and making it. She hasn't given up on her little ones and she won't do so tonight. Thank you for your prayers for this family.


Anonymous said...

Amber: Just read your latest Blog about Brie. just know that we will keep her in our prayers. Gramps & GG

Pure Mommy Extract said...

Thanks! I will let her know.