I am first a follwer of Jesus Christ. My goal is to daily transform, becoming more like him. Second, I am a mother of three young children who make my life crazy fun. We are also expecting a baby in May 2010. I love being silly, but know when to be serious too. My husband is an amazing partner in this journey and we enjoy creating great memories with our kids. Life sure has lots of opportunities for that!
Tonight I came in and grabbed you out of your bed. I filled your drink with more water because that's all you wanted, but then I held you on the floor and rocked you back and forth in my arms.
Tonight you looked up into my eyes and smiled your little grin with your sweet crooked bottom teeth and your eyes that twinkle. It was a smile of pure happiness. A smile that said so much, while saying so little.
Tonight tears filled my eyes as yours drifted off so quickly. Tears knowing how many nights I missed. How many times I didn't get to rock you to sleep when all you really wanted was a simple glass of water.
Tonight I thought of all the times that you needed more than water. When you were scared, when you were sick, when you were hurting. I thought of all the times you needed a Mommy's love and you didn't get to have it. Nights when all you had was you.
Tonight I remembered that you always had Jesus by your side, even when it looked like you were alone. He kept you alive when you could have been lost. He kept you here for my sake, though he could have taken you home for himself.
Tonight I felt thankful. Thankful that He saved you for me. Thankful that I have so many nights ahead, to rock you and hold you and kiss your sweet forehead as you drift off to sleep. Thankful that you are comfortable enough to drift off so quickly in my arms.
Tonight I think my love for you is deeper. Tonight you are even more my child.
Ummm, no thanks. I would rather not tell them about that, can't I just post some cute pictures of the kids?
It's not all about the fun stuff. You know that. If they only see the fun parts of your life then they will have a mixed up idea of who you are. You have to share all the parts of you to give an honest picture of who you are.
Can't I just tell them I'm getting quite a few more gray hairs?
No. You think that's cool.
Well, they don't know that!
When did you take up lying?
When You asked me to talk about that. I don't want to say that I have an addiction. I don't want to talk about something with that word in it.
...but you just did.
Yeah, but that was with YOU. You already know about that. You already know about all of me and you don't look at that word the same as everyone else.
You should only care about what I think.
I know. And really I do, but when you post something on the internet you always have people who read things wrong...who don't get the whole thing.
There is a part of me that I don't talk about. Information that I like to sweep away from my eyes, as well as yours. I have an addiction. And God wants to get rid of it. The only thing is...it's an addiction. That means that it's overwhelming to think of getting rid of it...and I don't know if I can do it...and I don't want to fail...and it means changing my life...and that looks so hard.
But I'm with you, and you have my Spirit within the very skin that you aren't taking care of. I promised to continue making you more holy when we started this journey.
Wait...I thought You were done talking here.
I'm never done talking to you.
Good thing, or I'd be in BIG trouble all the time.
Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.
And I thank You for that.
So, this addiction...the thing is, I know it's there. I've known for a long time. I just haven't wanted to do anything about it, well, because WHO does?!? So...God, being as wise as He is, allowed a physical problem to arise that I couldn't ignore. And the symptom isn't the problem, the symptom is there so that I can't pretend like the addiction isn't there anymore. Because I can't ignore physical discomfort like I can ignore the fact that any addiction is unpleasing to God and shows a lack of surrender to His Spirit. And while I will be a work in progress the entire time of my existence on this planet, when He shows me something that He wants gone...it's best to listen.
Why are you hesitating to remember that it's to make your life better? It's for you that I free you of things. Not for me. I could go on just fine with you having an uncomfortable physical symptom. You having an addiction doesn't change who I am in any way. I am still holy no matter what sin is in your life. I don't depend on you for anything...but I love you, so I want to give you my best.
I know. I just like to let my mind think that You're depriving me sometimes...because then it's easier for me. It requireshumility to recognize something is my own fault. It's more comfortable to blame someone else.
Humility is exactly what I seek in you. Humility is one of the most important parts of drawing closer to me.
Truth. And I love that You always call me out. Even in the middle of typing a blog.
I just want to make sure you're keepin' it real.
I love that too. You know how to make me laugh, even when we're in the middle of facing a giant. So different from the voice of the enemy.
Conviction vs. condemnation. You know it daughter! Guilt comes not from Me. If you feel guilt, if you feel like you can't overcome, if you feel like something you want to wipe off your shoe in the back yard...that's not me. You will do well to remember that my child.
You knew I needed to write to really hear You clearly tonight, didn't You.
Father always knows best *wink*.
Did you seriously just wink?! I can't even see You...and You just winked at me! You've never done that before.
You want predictable?
=D I guess I have the wrong God if I'm looking for that. I'll take the real thing.
So...this sugar thing. Lord, I feel really over my head with it. I have a baby that needs me to be cow free (no dairy) or she spews like mad, and now to get rid of candida problems I have to cut out sugars, fruits, breads, and limit grains- for four to six months...what's left? I don't know how to cook things without any of that. I'm really going to need your help. I don't know if I've ever felt like I was facing a giant anywhere near this big before. My faith was so much stronger in other matters....but I want You to make me more Holy. Lord, wash me of seeing food as anything but fuel for this jar of clay. Detach my unholy feelings from their connection with food.
Don't look at the size of the giant. Look at the size of your God.
You really are......
You can keep looking, but you'll never find them.
Those perfect words to describe me. They don't exist.
Hey guys! Curly here. Grab your pail and shovel, 'cause I'm taking you to the beach!
Gumby has never been to the ocean before. Last week we took her to the Mountain for the first time...this week I thought the ocean would be fun. I let Mom and Dad come too.
I'm pretty sure she liked it.
We even got natural pedicures. Mom says those are the best kind!
Smiles likes crabs just like Daddy.
Baby isn't old enough to play in the sand though. Just us BIG kids. And I'M the biggest.
Daddy and Smiles played out in the waves for a LONG time. I was waiting to show Daddy my "chocolate mocha stir"!
Gumby gets really excited sometimes when she has never seen something. She liked the waves a LOT.
Mom said she wishes Gumby didn't like sand in her mouth so much though. AND she rubbed it in her eyes like Smiles. I told them that wasn't very smart.
Mom and Baby liked sitting in the sand dunes. It was really funny when Mom tried to walk back to the beach though! She kept saying "Ouch! Ouch!" 'cause the sand was so hot. (Well, Mom didn't think it was so funny, but Dad sure did.)
We had our family outing again this Tuesday. For the first time since we got married, we went to our local beautiful mountain. Mt. Rainer is very beautiful and we see it all the time driving around town, but we haven't made the trip to visit since we were both young. We figured it was about time! So, we bought an annual pass so that we can be sure to go more often this year (annual pass is the price of two entries, so if we go twice then it's paid for already).
Our fantastic four on the way up. Poor Smiles taught us that he does not hold food well on winding roads =(. Blueberry bagel luckily doesn't smell so bad when it comes back up.
I love the faces that Gumby gave me that day. She is my easiest to photograph currently. She doesn't turn away as much and isn't as fast as the other two. I must stalk them like prey!
He needs a hair trim again, but MAN do I think that boy is Cuh-Yoot!
You could tell that the deer were in a protected park. My children are not very quiet, but they didn't mind at all. We got very up close with the loud crew and this deer just kept eating his lunch.
Curly saying, "Deer...Deer..."
I love this photo of the three of them!
We did NOT cross the river. HA! Handsome went over the bridge, but it was far too unsafe for the kids when we didn't have enough adults to help them across.
And Baby was of course a good sleeper. I sure do love my Moby, and so does this little miss.
A fun time was had by all. I was very proud of Gumby for attacking the hiking so well. She walked all by herself the whole way. As you may notice in her photos, she was very out of her comfort zone. She has her tongue out when she is unfamiliar or uncomfortable with a place or situation and surely enough, the tongue was out very often. But she faced it anyway, and didn't have many issues. She did let us know that big stumps that are sticking up out of the ground count as VERY scary to her though. (We had a freak out moment walking by some in the woods.) Curly enjoyed her hike and Smiles had no issues, they didn't have to work as hard as Gumby.
Perhaps we will see you next week with another edition of Tuesdays with Daddy. It all depends on if I have time to take photos and share them with you.