Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I want you to tell them.

You want me to tell them what?

I want you to tell them about this.

Ummm, no thanks.  I would rather not tell them about that, can't I just post some cute pictures of the kids?

It's not all about the fun stuff.  You know that.  If they only see the fun parts of your life then they will have a mixed up idea of who you are.  You have to share all the parts of you to give an honest picture of who you are.

Can't I just tell them I'm getting quite a few more gray hairs?

No.  You think that's cool.

Well, they don't know that!

When did you take up lying?

When You asked me to talk about that.  I don't want to say that I have an addiction.  I don't want to talk about something with that word in it.

...but you just did.

Yeah, but that was with YOU.  You already know about that.  You already know about all of me and you don't look at that word the same as everyone else.

You should only care about what I think.

I know.  And really I do, but when you post something on the internet you always have people who read things wrong...who don't get the whole thing.


Okay, so I just contradicted myself...
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There is a part of me that I don't talk about.  Information that I like to sweep away from my eyes, as well as yours.  I have an addiction.  And God wants to get rid of it.  The only thing's an addiction.  That means that it's overwhelming to think of getting rid of it...and I don't know if I can do it...and I don't want to fail...and it means changing my life...and that looks so hard.

But I'm with you, and you have my Spirit within the very skin that you aren't taking care of.  I promised to continue making you more holy when we started this journey.

I know. 

Wait...I thought You were done talking here.

I'm never done talking to you.

Good thing, or I'd be in BIG trouble all the time.

Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.

And I thank You for that.

So, this addiction...the thing is, I know it's there.  I've known for a long time.  I just haven't wanted to do anything about it, well, because WHO does?!?  So...God, being as wise as He is, allowed a physical problem to arise that I couldn't ignore.  And the symptom isn't the problem, the symptom is there so that I can't pretend like the addiction isn't there anymore.  Because I can't ignore physical discomfort like I can ignore the fact that any addiction is unpleasing to God and shows a lack of surrender to His Spirit.  And while I will be a work in progress the entire time of my existence on this planet, when He shows me something that He wants's best to listen.

That's right.  

Why are you hesitating to remember that it's to make your life better?  It's for you that I free you of things.  Not for me.  I could go on just fine with you having an uncomfortable physical symptom.  You having an addiction doesn't change who I am in any way.  I am still holy no matter what sin is in your lifeI don't depend on you for anything...but I love you, so I want to give you my best. 

I know.  I just like to let my mind think that You're depriving me sometimes...because then it's easier for me.  It requires humility to recognize something is my own fault.  It's more comfortable to blame someone else.

Humility is exactly what I seek in you.  Humility is one of the most important parts of drawing closer to me.

Truth.  And I love that You always call me out.  Even in the middle of typing a blog.

I just want to make sure you're keepin' it real.

I love that too.  You know how to make me laugh, even when we're in the middle of facing a giant.  So different from the voice of the enemy.

Conviction vs. condemnation.  You know it daughter!  Guilt comes not from Me.  If you feel guilt, if you feel like you can't overcome, if you feel like something you want to wipe off your shoe in the back yard...that's not me.  You will do well to remember that my child.

You knew I needed to write to really hear You clearly tonight, didn't You.

Father always knows best *wink*.

Did you seriously just wink?!  I can't even see You...and You just winked at me!  You've never done that before.

You want predictable?

=D  I guess I have the wrong God if I'm looking for that.  I'll take the real thing.

So...this sugar thing.  Lord, I feel really over my head with it.  I have a baby that needs me to be cow free (no dairy) or she spews like mad, and now to get rid of candida problems I have to cut out sugars, fruits, breads, and limit grains- for four to six months...what's left?  I don't know how to cook things without any of that.  I'm really going to need your help.  I don't know if I've ever felt like I was facing a giant anywhere near this big before.  My faith was so much stronger in other matters....but I want You to make me more Holy.  Lord, wash me of seeing food as anything but fuel for this jar of clay.  Detach my unholy feelings from their connection with food.

Don't look at the size of the giant.  Look at the size of your God. 

You really are......

You can keep looking, but you'll never find them.

Find what?

Those perfect words to describe me.  They don't exist.


I love You.

Those are the perfect words.


Marina said...

Thank you for being obedient to His prompting to write this blog entry. I have been following a candida control diet for just shy of six months now and have learned so much along the way. I've come to realize that candida is probably one of the most common causes of health issues - and most people are totally unaware of its existence. I've also been quite surprised at discovering just how many foods contain sugar - ones that you'd have never thought of, such as fresh salsa.

There are a lot of materials on the internet that talk about candida but those can be confusing as there doesn't seem to be total agreement in listing what foods to avoid. Given the brief list you mentioned and the time frame you referred to, it seems that you have good resources in place to help you begin to face this giant.

I'm willing to correspond with you (and any of your blog readers) and share my limited experience in dealing with candida. Just from following a candida control diet I have lost close to 40 lbs since January 2010. I didn't start out to lose weight, but to regain my health. The weight loss has been an added bonus.

I am a homeschooling mom of 4 bio kids. I have a heart for orphans and although at this time we cannot adopt, we pray for and support those that do adopt. We also get real excited when the orphans we pray for (from Reece's Rainbow mainly) find their forever families!

I can be contacted at: gmstkittsfamily at gmail dot com.

May you be encouraged and blessed as you continue to obey and submit to His Will.

Marina from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

Mandy said...

Tears. Utter tears.
You don't know me. I lurk on your blog and I have the same addiction and the same struggle. Your post resonated with me and I too, appreciate your willingness (or obedience) to follow the Lord's leading.
Thank you!!

Vicky said...

Praying for you!!!

The two above comments-- AWESOME. I hope they've encouraged you today!

Anonymous said...

Great entry, Miss Amber. We should all be so willing to make changes. Thanks for sharing.

Grandma S (Sheryl)