Seeking the Sabbath: Generosity

I am not going to go into detail all that much today. I just wanted to share that God is heavily working on me in the area of generosity. I think I am a bit selfish. Well, I know that I am. For about a month now this has been an area of work.

The phrase that is repeated over and over in my heart and mind:

"All that I have and all that I am belongs to God."

That pretty much sums up, in a very simplified way, what I am growing in. It's all His. My stuff is His. My children are His. My LIFE is His.

That's gotta change a girl's perspective a little bit, don't you think? I could go much, much deeper, but I am rather contemplative right now and would rather keep my thoughts to myself as I explore. My mind might, and probably will change with a little more time. It's all about going deeper.

Seeking the Sabbath: Choices that Honor God

Today my thoughts have been drawn to the fact that God blesses my choices that are driven by a genuine desire to honor Him. When I make choices based on this desire alone, I have nothing holding me back. He will provide all I need to accomplish whatever task is set before me. I will give recent examples that have made me reflect on this.

First of all, you will be well aware of the fact that my desire to set Sundays aside for the Lord has been a recent focus for me by the recent posts titled Seeking the Sabbath. I shared this desire and my purpose in the first one of these posts. Well, my Target working husband is a retail employee. While I love his company and the wonderful employers that they are, we still have the odd hours to deal with. He has to work weekends. BUT...guess what? Since making the change in the layout and focus of our Sundays he has only had to work one so far! Little things have happened that have somehow given him this day with us. It could and would be considered a coincidence to many people, but I know that the credit goes to God here. He has blessed us in this choice to seek Him first. I know that he will have to work Sundays often, but I am also going to enjoy the gift from God and give Him credit and thanks when we get to have the man of our house home on this special day.

The other recent example of God's blessing our efforts to honor Him happened this weekend. I have been reading a book called Family Driven Faith. I have really appreciated many of the points that the author makes, as they are things that I have felt and desired, but haven't know exactly how to express them or specifically what was missing. It touched on many things that I want to be a part of our family. One of these is family worship. This includes worship in the musical sense and also prayer and study of scripture. I think that we have been doing pretty well with this for the ages of our children, but it hasn't been as intentional. We read from the children's bible nightly and also pray and sing songs about the Lord with our daughter before she goes to sleep at night. I decided that I want to make it more a part of our lives recently though, and with more intention. I have been playing more music quietly during the day for soft background noise that is with us through the day.

This weekend is a big sale weekend of course. I never pay attention to the ad's or anything. I don't like to focus on the material side of things during this season too much and have some major issues with the commercialization of a time that is meant to celebrate the birth of my Lord. (I am not against gifts, but I don't like them to be expensive and become the focus of the season. I am more into small and practical gifts.) Well, it just so happened that on Friday Tom was telling me that he didn't think it would be that busy at the new Target and if I wanted to go and get our shopping done I could. He would watch the kids (they were asleep). I thought I would go ahead and check the 2-day ad and see what the deals were. Strangely I came across an ad for a keyboard that was on sale. I would never have thought to get a keyboard, but have been wanting a piano (which we would not have room for anyway, so we wouldn't even pursue it if it was in our budget). It just clicked as something that I wanted to get for us. We paid a third of the normal price and it is something that is in my ability level...I think. It's one that teaches you the songs and you can download songs into it easily from the computer. None of us will be performing in front of anyone anytime soon, but it will be something that we can use for our family worship time. I also see this as a gift from the Lord. It was something that I would never have even considered looking for, and hopefully it will serve it's purpose well.

So, it seems that when I make choices to honor God with what I have, even if what I can offer isn't perfect, He will bless it and give me more means to honor Him. I just have to take the steps.

Seeking the Sabbath: Dedicated

So, today I was a bit of a slacker on my me and the Lord time. I had Vicky time instead. (You can chastise me later.)

There was a lot of contemplation going on in spite of the lack of focus on that personal time though. Today was a special day because we dedicated our little boy. For me that is a big deal, especially this year. The message given by our less frequently pulpiting pastor (I know, that was a great new term there, wasn't it) was a good reminder for me. Sometimes a simple message is just the smack in the head I need. Here is how it all pieced together for me. Don't judge me for my feelings guys, I am sometimes less strong than I think.

So, with the loss of two dear girls in my recent memory...well, I have had a hard time. (Let me also clarify that I do not consider it my loss, but a loss that hurts because of the love that I have for my dear friend. I know that her life is forever changed by the passing of her girls.) If you would have asked me how I would react before this outcome, I would have guessed that I would fall somewhere in the "I trust God and His plans" category. I even argued during the last bout of prayer for little miss cute feet, that my faith would not be changed if the outcome were not what I prayed for, so the sinister dark guy should just stop trying to mess with me. So, as always happens when you think you have it all figured out- I was a bit showed up. I have had a harder time than I thought. I have been feeling a bit filled with fear and confusion, and also having a hard time trusting God. Let me clarify, it's not that I haven't trusted His ability, but His interest. As someone who defines herself by her faith, that is a pretty hard one to admit, but that is where I have been. A bit cynical.

It's just that I poured my heart and soul out into prayers that I thought were placed on my heart for the purpose of fulfilling them. I was absolutely floored when I got the news about Emily. It's still hard to believe. So, then I am left with feelings of confusion with myself and my ability to hear God. Questions of His intentions and concern for me. This is the first part of the equation.

Fear is the second. I have checked and re-checked my boy so many times in the past weeks that I think my husband is worried for my sanity. I happened to read a great blog at a not so great time that placed even more fears in my mind (Bring the Rain) and that added to my issues. Then dedication comes up. It's something that was so easy with Curly. There was no question during that time in my life and place where I was in my faith that it was something I could do. I am not one to take dedication lightly. It's a profession of knowledge that my child belongs to God and that I will attempt to remember at all times that my child is His. That I desire His will and plan for my child's life over my own fears and desires. As the time came closer I was struggling. I knew that once this moment came and I made that profession it was for real. (I do understand that God is in control anyway, but I wouldn't have to support His decisions if I didn't want to. Hopefully that makes sense.) I know it may seem like a strange thing to struggle with, but I have had an internal dialogue over the last week or so about it and have been back and forth over whether or not I was ready for that. Can I trust HIM with my child? I have had this fear that the moment I gave Him my trust, He would take my child from me.

Bringing it together- This morning was dedication day. As you would gather, I brought myself to the place I needed to be with this decision. I don't think that anyone in that room knew how deep this went for me. I don't know that everyone takes this moment as seriously as I do, it's just a natural thing for some parents to do. A milestone that you just do. Then came the message. It was simple, uncomplicated stuff. A reminder that God works outside of my understanding, that I am simple minded. (The actual message was on Thankfulness, but often God's message is different than that of the preacher.) I do believe that I was compared to a dog in my intellect...I suppose I will give that to him though. Compared to God, I do have the intellect of a dog.

I won't try to claim that all is well again, but the journey of faith must always have times of questioning. The deepest growth comes from times of trial that change perspective and show who God really is. Faith isn't grown by being given what we ask for, it is grown by learning to trust that He really does know best, even when it is beyond my understanding. I recognize today that He is Lord of all I have and all I love.

Seeking the Sabbath: Sitting on the Sidelines

There are many things that would fit for this post tonight. Many things that I have been contemplating today as I focus on my God. This week was still difficult to be focused. I still had to work at keeping all of the distractions out, but it was a little better.

Tonight I am thinking about the fact that I am a bench warmer. Not because I am not good enough, not because I fouled out too many times or let the other team score too many points, but because I have chosen to sit out. I am too scared to walk up to the plate because the ball might hit me and that would hurt. I might strike out and people would laugh at me and call me a failure. I might get a stain on my nice white pants that won't come out...then where would I be? Who am I without the purity of my white uniform?

Many of us are hiding on the sidelines of our faith, burdened by the thought that our knowledge is lacking and therefore we are just better off to be followers of a leader that is educated in theology and biblical history and so on.

But- the beauty of the gospel is it's simplicity. God loves me. Satan whispers in my ear that God indeed does not, and will do all that he can to keep me from believing that truth along with the rest of God's children. God sent His Son to die for me, which proves that lie is untrue (and yet I still sometimes believe it). My Lord wants to have a relationship with me, to know me and have me KNOW Him. Anything beyond that is the details my friend. No amount of education can make up for the things that He will show me through that relationship. Just because I am not schooled in religion does not give me excuses. Nor does going to school, in itself, give a person more knowledge OF God. Accumulating information does not give a man wisdom. No sirree Bob, it does not.

So, my conviction tonight is that I no longer have reason to sit on the sidelines and play it safe. I might strike out a couple of times or get hurt by the ball, but I have to be able to tell my coach that I tried my hardest. And you know what, my coach ain't no pro-ball guy. We are playing little league here, He has some mighty patience.

Seeking the Sabbath

I have been thinking often lately of how parched I've been feeling in my spiritual life. I have been so busy adjusting to two children and starting MOPS and everything else that life is filling up with that I haven't been spending much time in contemplation and prayer. It's interesting how easily a focus on faith can disappear in our culture. It often seems that so much else is placed in higher priority than our relationship with the one who created us. I am not just talking about the worldly people that surround us, but Christians as well. We may speak as though Christ is the center, but our actions show what our true priorities are. We skip time with God for so many things. Work, sports, friendship, television, cleaning and creating an image of success (worldly success), ministry, and even family. Now, I am not suggesting that some of these are not important things, but my Lord should be at the VERY TOP of this list, even over my family (which should come second).

I was thinking about the sabbath and how it has either become a private thing that people observe without sharing, or it's something that we have forgotten. I would guess it is the latter. Why did God ask us to have this "day of rest"? I am not going to tell you that I completely have the answer. That is part of what my purpose is here. I want to seek the sabbath and all that was intended for us in that commandment. My goal is to set aside this day each week in an effort to study and pray and meditate on my creator. This is not to say that I will forget how important it is to do all those things every day of the week, but I intend to be purposeful with this day in order to set it aside for Him.

This week I cleaned and organized a lot trying to get the house in order so that once Sunday came I wouldn't be focused on the mess that surrounded me. I wanted to leave that behind with the previous week and move forward into a new week that started with a focus on my Lord. I made sure last night to tidy up the little things so that everything would be taken care of today. All that I could do to protect my plan was done.

My first day of attempting to observe the sabbath...guess what...it was hard. I came into it with good intentions, but didn't get that time I was looking for. Our morning started with meeting with our church. It was unfortunate that Smiles had a really rough morning there and was fussy so I couldn't focus on what was being said very much. I did get to participate in worship though, his noises weren't a distraction while loud music was playing. Curly wouldn't take a nap today after church, which is time that I had planned on putting dinner in the crockpot and then having some study and prayer time. I even sat with her and sang her to sleep, then when I left the room she woke up. Usually that doesn't matter. She will notice that I am leaving the room and cry for a second but be too far into sleepy land to wake up all the way. Today was not so lucky. Then we headed down to my parents house so that Handsome could have some alone time which he has been needing for weeks. The ride home was a bit stressful because Smiles was tired and wouldn't take his binky and cried most of the way, and I realized that I had left Handsome's cell phone behind. Tonight there was much going on and I didn't get the time I had planned either. Handsome had a show he wanted to watch and it was too loud for me to focus on study or prayer. I was distracted every time I tried.

The point is not to get frustrated by all the things that get in the way. The point is not to follow a rule or make it a legalistic thing. The point is to make time for God and protect it, to grow in faith by being more purposeful about all my time. Especially on Sundays. This week may not have started off the way I had hoped, but I will continue to try and I will learn from my mistakes. I will protect this day in my schedule and set it aside even though I know it will be a sacrifice at times. I want to benefit from the guidelines that my Father laid before me for a reason. I want for my life all the plans that He has for it. I want to serve Him above all else, not to get sucked into the important things of this short venture here in a world that is not my home.

I invite those of you that do not already to join me in observing the sabbath as well. Set one day per week aside with the intent to be restful and contemplative on our savior. There is no doubt in my mind that it will benefit my life...even if it doesn't happen how I want it to every week.