Friday, October 17, 2008

The Laundry Chronicles: The Pile

I think someone could use some light hearted words today, so lets head in for the laundry chronicles!

I am not the only woman to have a problem with THE PILE. Over my short years of marriage I have heard more than one wife discuss this issue. If you are married, and have been for any length of time, you already know what I am talking about. This is no problem that is generational, it surpasses all time constrictions. This is an epic issue. It is an issue that has baffled women since there has been laundry.

When I got married I didn't know what I was getting myself into. Yes, most women don't understand all the things that they have now committed to overlook or struggle with for the rest of their existence on this earth. Young and naive, I always saw my soon to be husband's laundry done and put away. I suppose that I could have guessed that his mother was still taking care of it at her house, but his dad? I don't think so. Looking back, his mother must have gone in to his room shortly after he dressed and picked his clothes up off the floor or something. For the first little while of marriage he was still "playing house" as some would say. He still cared about trying to impress me. Let's be honest, that's very short lived! Soon I realized what all women realize. My husband was a little bit lazy when it comes to keeping house. On his side of the bed was a pile. This pile, should I choose to ignore it, would swiftly become a mountain of the clothing that my guy so casually cast aside at the end of each day. Time and time again my naive little self would patiently remind him to please put his clothing in the hamper. I soon became a little less kind and would share my utter frustration with him less sparingly. Okay dude! This is starting to tick me off! Put your stinky man cloth in the hamper so that it's not littering the floor in my bedroom. Yeah, that's right, I'm talking to you!

I tried moving the hamper next to his side of the bed. It didn't work. Somehow making it easier gave him reason to actually pick his clothes up less often. Before the move, I would perhaps get a clean floor once a week when he thought the pile was getting a bit large or he would run out of some type of clothing. After trying to make things more simple, he would never clean it up because I had to bend over to get the laundry from the bottom of the laundry basket anyway, so I think he felt that it wasn't worth the effort at all.

After five years of trying and nagging, my husband's pile has migrated. This time it baffles me farther though, no sense can be made of this pile. Let me paint the picture of frustration here. My husband, love him as I may, will take his clothes all the way to the closet where the hamper is so that I will not nag him about the pile next to the bed and he will put the clothes- not into the hamper, but right in front of it. What is that!?! Seriously if there is a man reading this post who knows, or a woman who has cracked the code that is husband, I would really like to know. His serious thought process tells him that he is helping me out by taking them over to the floor in front of the hamper. It would take absolutely NO more effort, nada-nothing-zilch, to put his clothing into the hamper instead of dropping them in front of it. What is this hamper phobia and what are the mothers of this country overlooking so blatantly that the phenomenon has stricken men across city and state borders? You would think that our hamper was 7 feet tall and he didn't want to try and reach the top of it! I cannot understand, I have tried. Perhaps we need to see a linen counselor or something.

I do solemly swear to try in vain as those that have gone before me, to attempt with all my might to raise my son to fearlessly stand against the hamper army. Though I may try and fail, I believe it is better to loose in attempting to break the cycle of fear that apparently haunts every man rather than not try at all. I vow to fight the good fight. Mothers across America, I implore you to stand with me. Together we can conquer THE PILE for our daughters and their daughters. We shall overcome!


Bronwyn said...

OK, you had me laughing for quite awhile! I have been married for twelve and a half years not and the enigma of the laundry has yet to be solved. Don't you just love husbands?

Katherine Laine said...

I applaud your resolve to help save our daughters from such a tragic downfall!

Lisa (Mom) said...

I will have you know that MY husband has been free of Hamperphobia for low these 10 years that I have known him...I think his years of single fathering have shown him that the hamper is our friend. This makes me think that a drastic change in the traditional role as Dad may shock a man into using a hamper. But I'm inclined to believe that the cost of this "cure" comes far too dear and is unfair to the other members of the family.
Hubby does still leave his "not too dirty to wear again" pants on the floor for the next day and I once washed them (complete with wallet) which irritated him quite a bit. "Honey! Where are my pants?"

I would like to know why it is so hard for your little brother and sister to actually put their dirty clothes in the hamper instead of on top of the hamper...Like the little wicker lid is made of red hot iron or something! "SHEEESH!"
Or, maybe they are afraid I won't SEE the dirty clothes if they are hidden in the hamper and they will run out of clean thing to wear. That's it! they are really helping me by piling it up shoulder-high for me, (and everyone who stops by for a cup of coffee and a chat) to see so I won't forget. They are too sweet!