Rubber Bands

It's so funny how kids will mix up words. For the longest time Curly had called Band-Aids by the wrong name. She will walk up to me crying and say, "Mommy, hurt me. Need rubber band!" I have been trying since this started to tell her that in fact she needs a Band-Aid. The whole time we are going to get one I emphasize that we are going to get a BAND-AID for her owie.

Today I have been cleaning a lot. It's that whole nesting post baby thing and I am trying to get my house back in order. I went in the bathroom while she was eating her lunch to put my hair up. Having thick hair like mine gets very hot when you are active. I walk out and she says, "Band-Aid there!"

Confused I asked her what she was talking about. "Mommy have Band-Aid on her right there!" As I am looking all over my body to figure out what the heck she is talking about she says, "Mommy!" trying to get my attention and tell me that I am so dense and she can't believe I don't get it, "Band-Aid in yours hair!". This time she was yelling at me with a tone of disappointment in how much intelligence I was lacking.

Got it. Band-Aid is something she thinks I wear in my hair, and rubber band is something I put on you when you are bleeding. Mommy will try to be smarter in the future.

Adorable

Tom got me a flash for my camera for my birthday. I was so excited when it came and now that I have figured out how to use it I had some fun with Smiles today. Here are some of the shots we got.

You would think by looking at these that he was happy to pose for Mom, but really it was hard work! He wasn't that into it and I had to work hard for those smiles.
Most of you wouldn't know, but he totally has a Judd look in the above picture! (That's my side of the family.) You can check out my Aunt Bronwyn's blog for confirmation on that. Her kids are have the Judd look as well.

This is right before bursting into tears. He got the binky after that!


I really like this one too. You can't tell at all that he is on my old green couch that I inherited from my grandparents! Thanks Nickie for the duh moment when you suggested that at MOPS. It worked great!

Needless to say I am super pleased with my flash! Thanks to my superb honey for the great gift, you are wonderful to me. It was so hard to choose just a few to use.

Where's Jesus?

I will start by telling you that my little munchkin has been waking a bit in the night, so I will go in and pray over her. I usually will pray something along the lines of asking Jesus to be with her and help her to sleep and not be afraid. I pray that she would have comfort and that He would help her return to sleep easily. Well...

Last night Vicky was watching her while Handsome and I went to our small group Bible study. When we came home, she filled us in on how the tuck in went and all that good stuff. (She only really sees our children for a very short time, basically long enough to tuck them into bed and read stories. It's an easy night as far as babysitting goes.) They were nearing the end of bedtime routine, in the midst of prayer she tells Vicky to ask Jesus to come in.

Vicky asked her, "Come in where?" wondering where Curly was going with her request.

She said, "In my room." I am assuming in her- duh, that's an obvious question Vicky- type voice. At least that is what she uses with me.

Vicky prayed for Jesus to come into her room. Curly then asks, "Where is he?"



As I would also be, Vicky was at a loss of what to tell my two year old, knowing that she is a bit young to understand that you can't see Jesus like you do other people and that He lives in us...etc. She told me she didn't want to tell her he was in the closet (jokingly), so she told her something to the effect of him living in her heart. This of course confused her quite a bit and the discussion was a bit difficult because of her age.

Today the subject arose again and she asked me about Jesus and where he is. "Where Jesus Mommy?" I told her that he is everywhere and that he lives in us and helps us to make good choices and helps us when we need him. She looked at me and said, "Can't see him Momma." as if to question my answer because she couldn't see him. I told her that she couldn't see him, but we can feel him inside us. I mentioned something to the effect of warm and cozy at one point. (Wow, she is too young for this to be happening already. I was not prepared with what to say, but I wonder if you ever are.)

"When he get bigger, he come out and play toys with me!" I now think that might be her thoughts due to the recent understanding that Smiles was in Mommy and then he came out and when he gets bigger he can play with her. Let's just say that I tried to explain that too...

A couple minutes later she is in the hall with her Daddy and he is holding her. I hear her tell him that Jesus is in his heart, to which he agrees. Then she starts to rub his arms and say, "Feel your heart Daddy. It's warm and fuzzy." We couldn't help but laugh. All morning it was all about Jesus.

I want to clarify that I am aware that some of my answers could have been better I am sure, but in my defense she can't understand as much as I would hope for and I was also very unprepared. Heck, Vicky was caught off guard too and she has been a Sunday school teacher for years. I don't feel all that bad about it. At least she is trying to understand.

Afraid of My Own Shadow

Sometimes late at night, when everyone is asleep in bed and I am feeding Smiles in the dark, I get scared. The fish tank, which is so low with water that it roars like a waterfall, covers all other sounds. It is also the only light since I do not wish to wake my son more than I have to and I also do not want to wake from my sleep walkish state.

I was changing the little bottom one night before switching to the other side for feeding when I saw something move. I saw the shadow of it on my left. I wasn't sure what it was, I just knew that I had seen something. Was it a spider that had been extra close to the light? Was it our cat or dog? Whatever it was had now gone, so I finished feeding my boy and promptly put him on my shoulder for burping so we could both get back into our beds.

What was that! I felt something move across my arm. Fear lurched me forward. It must have been the something that I had seen before in the shadows! How would I defend myself...and my son? I am terribly afraid of spiders. All this in split seconds in my head because as I look down I see that my little tickle had come from none other than Smiles. His tiny little hand had ever so slightly brushed my arm. My goodness I need to wake up a little more when I am feeding him. I can't believe I am so easily frightened...oh wait, yes I can.

Post Baby Nesting?

We will start off with a cute picture of Smiles. Who wouldn't want to start out with a smile like that!? He is just so happy lately and I love it. He sleeps when he is supposed to and he is happy when he isn't asleep, unless of course his mommy isn't getting his food out fast enough for him. Who could blame a guy for that though? I mean seriously, it's supposed to be ready whenever he needs it- come on MOM!

We had a very productive day today. This is Smiles' "I can't believe you got all of that done today Mom!" face. Isn't he good at it =). First of all, for those that were worried about getting store bought cards from me for a while, you are in luck. I was so depressed by the thought of giving up my craft time for such a long time that I came up with a plan. As the ever popular "they" say, "Necessity is the mother of invention." I decided to fix a few things around from my previous change that I took so much time with on Saturday. It was worth it though, don't worry.

I asked Curly this morning if she wanted to ORGANIZE with Mommy today. It was great, she got so excited. It's amazing what a little bit of tone can do to make something sound exciting. We started with her room, which wasn't bad, but I swear that I am nesting again because I rearranged everything! Can you call it nesting when your child is three months old? I am going to whether it's acceptable or not. Below are the pictures of her room after the changes. She loved every minute and was very pleased to get to help choose where things were going to go.
Then we also took all of my craft supplies and moved them from Smiles' room to the closet in my room. I started that yesterday actually, but we finished most of it today. I filled up my Goodwill pile again- I seem to be getting rid of a lot of things these days. And we cleared out Smiles' room of most stuff. Apparently he might get a room of his own after all...just with a closet taken over by his parents. Who needs a closet when you are a baby anyway. I may or may not post pictures of the closet later. I haven't decided. I will probably show you his new room once I get it all finished as well.

What a day. I say that a lot. It was full of productivity and lots of cleaning. I forgot to mention the four loads of laundry that I washed and folded and put away as well. One of those involved making our bed too. I despise washing sheets but I love the feeling of climbing into bed with fresh, crisp sheets! Oooh la la. Wanna know a secret? It's about what a freak I am about my sheets when they are clean...I beg Handsome to let me get into the sheets first because I am so obsessed with the feeling you get when you climb into them when the are tucked so tightly. Ahhhhhh (that's a pleasant ahhh, not a screaming one). I can just feel them now =). I may or may not have been known to cry over it when my request was forgotten and I had to get into the bed that I worked so hard to make, only to find that it wasn't quite tucked and was no longer straight. I don't know, I can't remember such things.

My Little Smiles

Smiles is such a special little guy. I will admit that I actually wondered if I would be able to love my children equally because of the attachment I had to Curly and the fact that I wasn't all that ready for him to join our family yet. I wanted another child, but wasn't sure that I could handle going through the steps yet. Birth was still a huge anxiety and I was dreading the first months with him. Curly had been so hard at times when she was a new baby and would cry for long periods of time without stopping. It was not the most precious time in my memory. I loved her, but she brought out some ugly emotions during that first couple months.

As I was anxious one night I was searching scripture for some comfort and the Lord brought me to this verse:

"Fear not for I am with you.
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you.
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10

I found myself meditating on that verse to calm my nerves and to help me to focus on the right things. It helped, and during the process of my labor and delivery with Smiles I kept my mind on it again. It kept me calm by focusing on the fact that God was with me and He would help me.

His name was a name that we had picked out long ago for a boy name if our first had been a boy. We liked how the names we chose created the initials spell out the short version of his name. So cute and witty if I do say so myself. Later, Vicky made the connection with his name and the verse. His name means son of my right hand. The verse says, "I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." It may not mean much to anyone else, but it makes him name so special to me. It reminds me even more that Smiles is His child. "Son of His righteous right hand" to piece the two together.

My little guy has been such a mellow fellow. He doesn't cry that much, and he loves to cuddle with Mom. His crying always stops after I find the reason for it, he isn't one to cry just for the sake of crying. He is content to just chill out and watch his sister, he much prefers it to toys of any sort. (Though she tries to give him all sorts of her toys.) He taught me that I could, in fact, love another child as much as my dear firstborn. I figured he would.

Productive

I actually got to be productive today...at least a little productive. I finally shifted some things in Ben's room so that he now has two walls instead of just one. I suppose that you could say he has one full wall and two half walls, but I just added the total space together which adds up to two full walls. How nice of his mother to share more of his room with him.

You know, I am not sure what I was thinking when I planned to share my craft room with him. It is the only space in our house for both of those things (him and my crafts...like how I refer to him as a thing there). I thought, "I will be able to do my card making/scrapbooking when he is sleeping." Where the thought process ended was with the actual logistics of things. When he is sleeping...he will be in his bed! The only time he uses his room is to sleep. The only time I am not with him is when he is sleeping, at least at this age. When will I be able to use my craft room again? Probably when we move to our next house. When will that be? Not sure. Probably in the spring or summer. Until that point- if you know me, you are just going to have to deal with store bought cards for awhile. That's all there is to it.

I am such a great planner when I am pregnant! *wink*

I also had a little video planned, but I couldn't get it to load up at all. I tried three times, so sorry...you just get to hear about my day.

Girls!

All that I have to say tonight is this: What thing is more precious than having a daughter? Who else could possibly be as strange as I am...well, I guess I also have my sisters =). Seriously folks. My family is GOOFY! Can I get an AMEN?!?

Lead by Example?

Okay, so I totally get that you have to watch what you say around your kids. They mimic the things you say and repeat them at the most inappropriate times, that's a lesson that I have down- though I make the choice to ignore it sometimes, I am not unaware that I may very well hear it down the road.

But seriously! Why can't I hear the words, "You're so cute!" or, "Wow, awesome job!" or the one I would really love to hear, "Let's go to sleep."

Instead I get, "NO!" and, "RIGHT NOW!" and, "You're stinky Momma."

Life is so not fair...and I am going to complain about it.

Cut it Out!

Today was another indication of my little princess growing up way too fast. We have picked pumpkins out in the past, but never before has she carved them. Her Daddy spent all afternoon with her and they gutted and carved each of their pumpkins. Smiles and I, well we are lazy. I don't even know if we will get to ours...this year, we may just leave them whole.

First came the cutting off of the top of the pumpkin to make the lid. I am going to just "pretend" you are simple minded and you don't know the process here...

Next was our favorite of the day- gutting the pumpkin. She loved to scrape and scoop so much that she put it back in the pumpkin when she was done and then started all over again!Scooping out her pumpkin...

Putting some back in...

And this is Daddy's GIANT pumpkin that she couldn't reach the bottom of!

Then comes the next part...

Carving!And she got a turn at carving too!And the finished product is here.

On another note, Smiles had his own fun tonight. He decided that it would be fun to pass a little wind after his bath, only the wind was carrying some leaves with it...and the leaves had a pungent rotting smell. Oh Smiles, thank you for being Mommy's little stinker! I sure do love you and every minute of your boyishness (even if it's just by accident).

She REALLY Knows How to Work Me.

Never put it past a two and a half year old to know how to work her parents. Never. I wonder what new things my little Smiles will come up with because he is going to have it hard after his sister.

Bedtime has been a bit hard lately. I am not exactly sure what prompted this escalation of night time drudgery, but something tells me it might be related to all this learning to "assert her own will" stuff. My girl is still pretty good, but MAN does she have a mouth right now.

Tonight I was putting her into bed and had Smiles with us since Daddy had to work. She was of course wanting me to hold her and sing to her long after we had started. I gave her a cut off point and when it was reached, I left the room. She knows I am not as much of a softie as Dad, so she wouldn't be getting me back in the room with requests for more water and whatnot. After some trying with the normal cries I finally hear her bring out the big guns.

"Mmmmmommmmy! I. WANT. TO. PRAY!" followed by a slight pause for effect, and also checking to see if she could hear me on my way. Then she would try again with the same sentence with each word chopped up with emphasis.

I knew she had got me. I knew I was toast. I called my mom's house to see what her opinion was. I had forgotten to pray with her tonight, if I hadn't I would have just told her that she could pray on her own...but I hadn't done it. Did I want to stick to my word on not going back in, or would I place praying above that promise? Jesus is a pretty important guy after all.

I caved. How can you deny a sweet little child the gift of praying with them. She knows how to work her Mommy. Now if only I can never forget to pray with her again we will be set.

Laughing My Booty Off

This is the picture that Handsome put on our desktop tonight...that had me laughing so hard I cried...and you'd never guess it's from this religious blog.

(Disclaimer: I didn't actually read any of the blog so it could be a crazy cult for all I know.)

Save!

I think my two year old has been seeing too many environmentalist commercials. The latest thing for her is water conservation. She has a little bubbles bottle (very small) that she got at her friend M's birthday party. Grandma and Papa started this thing with her where she gets to use bubbles in the tub and that is it, so when she asked to have them in the tub we allowed her to. The bottle has long been empty, but after each bath she will insist upon saving it full of water from her tub. As the water starts to drain she will quickly grab the bottle up and say, "SAVE! SAVE!" I once tried to say no and you would have thought I cut her right arm off or something with tears that followed. She was quite upset.

Two year old logic is a funny thing because she will empty the bottle into the tub each time she has another bath and then at the end of the bath fill it up again. She isn't saving any water by doing this and the size of the bottle is so small that even if she were it wouldn't do much good. As long as she thinks she is doing her part I guess...

The Laundry Chronicles: The Pile

I think someone could use some light hearted words today, so lets head in for the laundry chronicles!

I am not the only woman to have a problem with THE PILE. Over my short years of marriage I have heard more than one wife discuss this issue. If you are married, and have been for any length of time, you already know what I am talking about. This is no problem that is generational, it surpasses all time constrictions. This is an epic issue. It is an issue that has baffled women since there has been laundry.

When I got married I didn't know what I was getting myself into. Yes, most women don't understand all the things that they have now committed to overlook or struggle with for the rest of their existence on this earth. Young and naive, I always saw my soon to be husband's laundry done and put away. I suppose that I could have guessed that his mother was still taking care of it at her house, but his dad? I don't think so. Looking back, his mother must have gone in to his room shortly after he dressed and picked his clothes up off the floor or something. For the first little while of marriage he was still "playing house" as some would say. He still cared about trying to impress me. Let's be honest, that's very short lived! Soon I realized what all women realize. My husband was a little bit lazy when it comes to keeping house. On his side of the bed was a pile. This pile, should I choose to ignore it, would swiftly become a mountain of the clothing that my guy so casually cast aside at the end of each day. Time and time again my naive little self would patiently remind him to please put his clothing in the hamper. I soon became a little less kind and would share my utter frustration with him less sparingly. Okay dude! This is starting to tick me off! Put your stinky man cloth in the hamper so that it's not littering the floor in my bedroom. Yeah, that's right, I'm talking to you!

I tried moving the hamper next to his side of the bed. It didn't work. Somehow making it easier gave him reason to actually pick his clothes up less often. Before the move, I would perhaps get a clean floor once a week when he thought the pile was getting a bit large or he would run out of some type of clothing. After trying to make things more simple, he would never clean it up because I had to bend over to get the laundry from the bottom of the laundry basket anyway, so I think he felt that it wasn't worth the effort at all.

After five years of trying and nagging, my husband's pile has migrated. This time it baffles me farther though, no sense can be made of this pile. Let me paint the picture of frustration here. My husband, love him as I may, will take his clothes all the way to the closet where the hamper is so that I will not nag him about the pile next to the bed and he will put the clothes- not into the hamper, but right in front of it. What is that!?! Seriously if there is a man reading this post who knows, or a woman who has cracked the code that is husband, I would really like to know. His serious thought process tells him that he is helping me out by taking them over to the floor in front of the hamper. It would take absolutely NO more effort, nada-nothing-zilch, to put his clothing into the hamper instead of dropping them in front of it. What is this hamper phobia and what are the mothers of this country overlooking so blatantly that the phenomenon has stricken men across city and state borders? You would think that our hamper was 7 feet tall and he didn't want to try and reach the top of it! I cannot understand, I have tried. Perhaps we need to see a linen counselor or something.

I do solemly swear to try in vain as those that have gone before me, to attempt with all my might to raise my son to fearlessly stand against the hamper army. Though I may try and fail, I believe it is better to loose in attempting to break the cycle of fear that apparently haunts every man rather than not try at all. I vow to fight the good fight. Mothers across America, I implore you to stand with me. Together we can conquer THE PILE for our daughters and their daughters. We shall overcome!

Thoughts on Prayer

For a long time now it has bothered me when people would act as though someone is a "better prayer" than someone else. Does God not hear us all alike and treat each person's prayer with the same attention? I have heard things like, "Those people really know how to pray." or, "I have asked the people that are the best prayers I know." That's always just rubbed me the wrong way. I thought, perhaps some are given a gift for prayer, I guess that could be what they mean. I don't know what other people's thoughts are. I did find something that made me think today, however.

For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God had dealt to each one a measure of faith. Hebrews 12:2

So, this struck something in me. Often I think we tend to take credit for the faith that we have in our prayer. Our level of faith is something that we forget to give God credit for. I have been thinking for a while about the fact that some faith is given by God. It's those feelings of peace and strong confidence that something is true when you have no reason to believe it so by proof or circumstances. You just know because of a measure of faith that you have been given.

I think that most of us would agree that there is a strong correlation between faith and prayer. I am no Bible scholar and I actually would say that there is much that I am very clueless on. I do remember a few times when Jesus was frustrated with our lack of faith (or that of the people around him I suppose). They were limited in completing things that he had given them authority to do because of their lack of faith. An example is when they could not heal the demon possessed boy. Jesus healed him and then was asked by his apostles why the could not do it.

Jesus said to them, "Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20

It just made me think, are some people's prayers more effective because they have stronger faith? And do they have stronger faith because God gave them a gift for stronger faith? And if this is so, should we not be giving more credit to God for his graceful gift of faith? Why does the credit so often go to the wrong place? I am guilty of thinking my faith was all me, that the amount of faith I had was something that I gained from experience. When I actually thought about it today as I read that first passage and had it hit me, I realized that the times I have prayed with greatest strength have been when the Lord gave me that special gift. When I had a peace and a knowledge outside of myself.

One thing I want to point out- just because God gives us a gift doesn't mean we take advantage of it. We can talk ourselves out of our gift of faith just like not using any other gift we have been given. In this country especially, I think that we tend to rationalize away the power of God and both his desire to help and also his ability. I know that the miraculous can happen today and that I don't want to be at fault for limiting a situation by not taking advantage of the faith I have been gifted. I must protect myself from rationalizing and questioning. Doubt tries to overcrowd my faith, but I will rest in the knowledge that my faith is a blessing from God.

These are of course just my thoughts. I could be totally wrong on my interpretation. Any thoughts?

Short Update on Brie...

I just wanted to give a short update with the little information I have. Brie is in Tacoma with her twins, the hospital there has an NICU and our local hospital does not. She will be there until the babies are born. We are hoping that the stay is a long one so that the babies have a better chance, but trust that God can provide no matter the date of arrival. Please continue to hold them in your prayers.

Would I Take the Bullet?

As a mother I would like to say that I would take a bullet for my children and up until recently I would have said with no reservations that I would. I now question if my gut reaction would be to do so. I hope that in a situation that was severe I would do all I could for my kids, but I have found that, when put to the test, I didn't quite measure up.

We were on our way down to my parents house downtown the other day and I saw a bee in the car in my rear view mirror. It was flying around my little girl's head, which she had thankfully not noticed yet. I was filled immediately with fear, I do tend to be a fearful person about some things and bees do fall into that category. (I will have you know that I am getting better about the spiders though.) My thinking brought me the idea that perhaps rolling down her window would entice the bee out of the car. I rolled down the window and was hopeful that the bee would make a peaceful exit. Unfortunately that isn't what happened. I hear from the seat behind me a scream, followed by, "Mommy," sobbing and choppy breathing came between words, "bee hurt me!" I asked her where she was hurt. "Bee hurt me on my neck!" Still intense sobbing coming from the seat behind me.

My mind was all over, I kept trying to comfort her all the while thinking- where is that darn bee? I have to keep my eyes on that bee. What if it comes for me too? Don't misunderstand me here, I was worried about her as well as Smiles. I didn't know what type of bee it was, it could have been a yellow jacket or something that could sting more than once. I was close to my parents house, so I stayed on the road, my head hunched forward as far as it could go to keep the distance between me and the bee greater. Do you know part of the reason? Because I didn't want to have to get the bee out of the car! I was afraid of the bee so much that I didn't stop to check my little girl, I just talked her through it. Now, I could rationalize this by telling you that her father is allergic to bees and I don't know if I am because I have never been stung. My Dad is allergic as well...but I will choose to tell you the truth and be totally and completely embarrassed for the sake of honesty. Perhaps there is another mother out there that has been as selfish as I, who has to wonder if she would take the bullet for her kid. The rest of you leave us alone, we are not perfect! We cannot all be what you are you know, quit trying to hold us to your high standards. (I will stand up and fight for you, fearful mother. I will stand by you and support you...unless I have to actually endure any discomfort for you, then you are on your own.)

It turns out she wasn't stung. She is just a big baby like her mommy and stopped crying before we even reached Grandma's house. I guess she must have just heard it or something, but she was fine none the less. I still had Dad go out and check the car before we got in just in case because I am a big baby.

Then...we were at the park with Curly's best friend M and her mommy, B. The girls had been playing on the playground and had come over for juice boxes that I had brought. Neither of them ever gets full strength juice, so they were both very excited and into their drinks. (We have what I call wooce at our house. 1 part juice to about 8 parts water- very watered down.) Curly looked over at M's arm and noticed a bee on it. She casually said something like, "Bee on your arm M." M didn't even move. I swelled with panic. I reached for Smiles' blanket and tried to swing at the bee to get if off her arm, I was not brave enough to swat at it with my hands- are you kidding me! Unfortunate as it was, I actually swatted the bee into her hair! Not just on the outside edges of her hair, but mixed into it so much that her mother had to grab her hair and try to shake the bee out. Oh my, I was so embarrassed. I can't believe that I am so afraid of bees. At least I tried with this one...

Moral of the story is, never get caught in a situation where I have to defend you. You probably won't make it out alive.

Daddy's Dragon Girl

So, my little girl has this thing where she ONLY likes to be called Mommy's pumpkin girl. When someone calls her Smile's sister, cute, special, or even a girl- she will promptly tell them that she is not. Example: "No, not sister! Mommy's pumpkin girl!" We have been trying for a long time to help her understand that she can be both a sister and Mommy's pumpkin girl at the same time. I will admit that I kind of liked it. It's like her little claim to be mine. She is still more attached to Mommy over anyone else, though with Daddy spending so much more time with her since Smiles arrived, she has grown a lot closer to him as well (which is wonderful and I love that it's happening). Sad as it may be, she has grown out of her Mommy only stage and learned to understand that she can be more than one thing at a time. The other day she told me that she wasn't Mommy's pumpkin girl, she was:

"Daddy Dragon Girl, Daddy Pricess (princess), and his Daawwter alllll same time Momma! Two, bowf."

Yes, I do understand that two both doesn't fit since there are three titles here, but we will have to work on that in the future. For now I will have to come to terms with the fact that she is slowly growing up and will need me less and less as time goes by. The lemonade of the situation is that it's only Daddy, and I want her to be as attached to him as she is to me anyway. At least it's not someone outside of our home yet =).

My Heart is Breaking Tonight

I have a special woman that came into my life seven years ago. She has become a very special person to me and has taught me a lot of things. We were roommates for a year, and our friendship grew strong during that time. To say that we didn't drive each other nuts would be a lie, we did. We are very different in some ways, we were a lot more different back then. Sharing a roof with my beautiful Brie taught me a great many things about myself and how self righteous and judgmental I was with my "perfect Christian" image to keep. We had a lot of late night talks about many things, some including faith. I don't think that she knows this, but even though it may have appeared from the outside that I was doing the "teaching" when it came to faith, she has given me a great many lessons on being more Christ like.

Through the years, though we have had quite a few long spurts without talking, God has laid a burden on my heart to pray for her family. Often there would be nights that I would wake just thinking of her and Mike and feel a need to pray. Sometimes in a specific way and sometimes not. I would listen to that urge and pray. I do not know the outcome of most of those prayers, for quite a few times it was during times that we weren't in frequent contact. I know that my Lord was alongside them though and that He loves them very much. It's amazing the connection you feel toward someone when you pray with your entire being for them. Having a God-given burden to pray is far different than praying for a request that you hear from a friend or in church. Yes, those prayers are good to pray too, they are just different. I cry with overwhelming feeling right now as I try to describe to you the depth with which these prayers have come. They have had the same level of emotion as those that I have prayed for my husband and children in times of dire need. My heart has such a strong connection there that I just don't know how to describe. When her heart falls, mine falls with it.

When I was pregnant with my little guy, Brie was a couple weeks ahead of me in a pregnancy as well. She lost that baby at the end of her first trimester. It was heart breaking for her, and I knew how she felt. I had lost a baby previous to Curly and it was a very hard thing to go through. A few months down the road she found out she was pregnant, this time with twins. At 18 weeks of pregnancy her water broke with one of the babies. I remember reading her terrible news and feeling my heart drop. Immediately tears swelled and I called upon my Lord on her behalf. I love my Brie, and I couldn't accept that she would possibly have to go through such a loss again. Not long into my prayer I was overcome with peace that everything would be okay, that these babies would live and be loved by their parents. From that moment on I didn't have many moments of fear for them, just sad moments over the feelings that my dear friend had to go through. Moments of fear, of not knowing what the future holds, of missing out on things that her four year old son was doing because of the strict bed rest she was on. It's been a hard road.

This week she reached the point in pregnancy where the doctors consider her babies viable. She started getting steroid shots to help the babies lungs develop faster. She has seemed to be in a less depressed state because she has passed the point where she has to fear anything happening and each day brings her babies chance of survival greater and greater. Her hope has returned.

Tonight she headed into the hospital. She started having a lot of bleeding and that is NOT a good thing. I don't know many details other than that at this point and I assume that she is still in the hospital, hopefully with babies still in her belly. I had a rough day today and was already a ball of tears, so this new information has thrown me over the top. Though my hope is still strong that they will get to hold their babies and love on them, my heart is heavy for her. My mind still has those moments when I wonder, "Did I hear you right Lord? Is my interpretation of your peace correct?". My heart is steadily perched away from my body, right beside her in each moment that happens. I feel such love for these unborn babies just through the connection of prayer. Though I am not there and I do not know the details, I know that she sits with the one who loves her far beyond any love we can understand. He knows her hurt. He hurts with her as well. He holds her in his gentle arms and is able to make good of the situation no matter the outcome.

My request is that you might remember her in your prayers tonight and in the days to come. Pray that the Lord gives her peace and strength. I have to say that she has been a shining example through all of her strife. Yes, she has moments of fear and depression. She is surviving and making it. She hasn't given up on her little ones and she won't do so tonight. Thank you for your prayers for this family.

Big Stinky Mess

What do I say right now? I am trying not to rip each hair from my horse main of a head one by one and then wrench them into gritty clenchy balls of matted yuckiness right now. (I think I might have made up a word or two there.) Blogging about it is my attempt at temporary sanity, an attempt to calm myself...it's really no big deal, right?

So, calmly- I haven't had much sleep for a couple of nights. You may know that already since I have been talking about how the kids have been sick and not letting me sleep. I decided to take a nap today. Smiles wanted to be held when Curly went down, so I took him in with me and had him lay next to me. We were asleep for a bit when Curly shows up right in my face, always kind of creepy actually. I told her, since I could tell she hadn't taken a nap yet, that she needed to go play in her room very quietly. That is another frustrating thing right now, but I don't really need to talk about at the moment. She has always been such a good sleeper and is having real trouble getting naps in the past week or a little more. It's killing me.

On with the story, she is playing in her room just fine and I am not capable of being frustrated by her lack of nap because I am sleeping. It didn't take long for me to get to the land of dreams today. We will cut to the chase- she comes in to me and tells me that she has a stinky pants (not in those words, I will spare you). I tell her to go into the bathroom and wait for Mommy. I had to get Smiles situated with out me and hope that he stayed asleep. When I arrived on the scene, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature child with a giant poo mess everywhere! She had tried to attempt doing the job that would have taken me just a minute had she contained it, herself. I should be thinking that it was sweet of her to try and help or something, but that isn't the reality of where my mind is. I despise that part of preschool learning, the potty training messes. I can deal with it when it's contained, not my favorite thing, but I can deal. This is NOT the same. This is not contained. This is on her hands and all over her body. This is infuriating, disgusting, and overwhelming all at the same time. I am sure that anyone reading this is going to be at least slightly giggling at my current situation, and I forgive you because I would probably do it too. I am sure that I will get past it and actually after writing it all down I feel a bit better already. Thanks guys.

Keeping Perspective

I think that there are political extremists watching me because I just wrote this post and then my foot unwillingly landed on the power bar that electrifies my computer! Dang it, have to start over. I want you to know ahead of time, this is not about politics even though it mentions it and you will not know which candidate I am even leaning toward from my blog. This is about something far more important.

I am glad that I live in a country where people are all fired up about finding out who they think will best run our country. And let me remind you that we are lucky to live in one where the president is only part of that group that does so. It is our responsibility to be involved and concerned about choosing our leaders because we were blessed by God with the right to do so.

With that clarified, I want to say that I am a Christian. My first goal in life is to serve God in whatever ways He chooses and prioritizes. My Lord makes it quite clear that what He expects of me first and foremost is to love His children UNCONDITIONALLY and to serve them above myself. This is a challenge, I will admit. I do love myself quite a lot, and I will have to grow further capable of this challenge all of my life with His help. This means during an election year, when my neighbor is a small man with a huge attitude, and when someone doesn't treat me with that same respect. By giving myself the title of Christian, or follower of Christ, I am taking on the responsibility of that name. My actions reflect on Him. Sometimes we forget our purpose and we get caught up in what we think should be going on. Remember to be careful in your actions and to act with love toward those with different political views. Let's not become hypocrites and allow the pursuit of our cause to become more important than the cause itself.

Don't forget that even if the elected people don't do things in an honorable way, even if they become totally immoral and our country becomes something of biblical unruliness and sin, God is still in charge and He still wants us to act with love. We can't understand His agenda all the time and if He really has a candidate that He particularly wants in office, He will do it without our votes. No election is more important than treating my fellow man with respect and dignity. We can disagree on anything and I should still act with love toward him. Let us watch our words and keep them tasteful. Let us not forget our true purpose in life and allow God to remain at the center of our thoughts. Nothing is greater than that.

Ten on Handsome

So...I am supposed to tell you Handsome's top 10 favorite things, but since I like to be different I am going to do the opposite. Nobody wants to hear me say how much he loves me and the kids or about what a nerd he is with WOW and UO (that's World of Warcraft and Ultima Online, two online games)...yeah, I love my computer nerd.

Okay, here we go:

10. Poopy diapers. He will change them, but I get to hear about it when he does. For days...

9. Men's deodorant. You would think that my guy WANTS to smell manly, but no. He in fact loves the smell of my Secret Vanilla Chai deodorant so much that I think he secretly tries to run out and not have a spare so that he can "forget" to buy it for a couple of days at work and smell all girly. It could be seen as sweet though, he just likes to think of me each time he sweats . AWWWW.

8. Hampers. I would not call this a dislike though. It is a life threatening phobia. Hey- hampaphobia is real people!

7. Artistic People. Don't worry, he is just jealous. He doesn't appreciate the areas that he is very creative and wants what he doesn't have.

6. Crying kids. He always seems to be thrown aback by my emotional wreckness when he comes home...until he has to deal with them for 5 minutes while I use the restroom. I personally like those doses of reality. They last a day or so in my favor.

5. Emotional Women. This is huge for him. Poor guy is now working Human Resources in a largely female populated company. Target has TONS of women in high level positions and plenty in normal roles as well. Then he comes home to his wife who is a ball of recovering-from-baby hormones...you don't need further illustration.

4. Nagging. I hate to put the blame on you, but if you would just DO the things I so sparingly ask you, I wouldn't have to nag you...yeah, right!

3. Adult Footed Pajamas. If your wife throws those on it's like the great wall of China between you and your goal. "What did I do now?"

2. My Relationship with His Mother. Now you all think that we fight a lot or something by the sound of that. Nope. I love my mother in law- she is awesome. The issue is that we aren't so great at communicating, so often we will think the other is mad at us, but don't want to ask each other for fear of upsetting the other...in comes his issue. We both bother him about it. "Is your mom upset with me about something? Do you think such and such offended her?" He has a right to be bothered there.

And the number one thing my husband hates................

1. Shopping at Ross. Absolutely, positively hates it. I want to go for the deals, they have some really great stuff at great prices. For him, being in retail management and being held to high standards, which in turn he holds his people to, causes him to cringe when I mention the name of the store. Consequently I do not tell him it is in my plans for our day. I casually find something that is near there that we need to do and then say something like, "Honey, can we stop by Ross for a quick second? Alexis needs a pair of shoes and we are right here." He appeases me, but he cannot stand the mess they have littering every corner. He just doesn't understand the joy of frugality.

Trippin Dawg

Mommy definition: I am so sleep deprived that I keep tripping over everything, especially the dog who seems to always be where I want to walk. And puh-leese people! You expect me to know how to spell when I can't even think of what my own name is? Right fool, you trippin too! (meaning you must be sleep deprived as well)

I is trippin this morning dawg...

Ironic

It was surely a long day even if I was basking in the snot and puke that I call love. Curly was up all night and Smiles gave me his usual awakening at 3ish in the morning to eat. We were all tired today. We were all somewhat cranky today. I'll be honest, I couldn't wait for it to be over. My girl clung to me all day and had one of those where she JUST wants mom. It was rough if you remember that Smiles has to eat, and I have to do it. Every time I had to feed him or hold him she would throw a monster fit. I was getting rather frustrated at one point...okay, so a couple times. Anyway, he was needing to be fed and so I was trying to get a movie ready for her to watch. I go to pick one out and it was the whole, "I want Barney." I go and put Barney in. "No, I want to watch Shrek Momma!" So I switch it to Shrek. "I no want watch Shrek Momma. I want Letter Factory! Hold me Momma. Hold me!" (She wanted me to hold her while she watched the movie which would ruin the whole point of my putting it in.) I was going nuts. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't have put up with that for a minute, but she and Smiles were sick, he needed to eat, I was tired, and she was throwing some monster fits. Finally I lost it. I started yelling at her because I was loosing my patience. Can you guess what I yelled? Try really hard, I am sure you can guess after you look at the title of this post...

"You need to be PATIENT!" There were also some other things mostly explaining why she needed to be patient right now. How silly that I am yelling at her to be patient because Mommy is loosing her patience. One of those moments I guess, where you realize how silly kids must think we are and why they get confused so much.

On another note, I want you all to know that I hope you have a Vicky. I would have had a much rougher day by far if I hadn't had my Vicky today. What is a Vicky you ask? Well, a Vicky is not something that you can buy or order, you have to pray real hard for it. (Mine is pictured in the photo to the right with my kids.) You have to receive it from God himself. A Vicky is a blessing- that's for sure. Now, your Vicky may not do that exact same things that mine does, they are all different and unique. They come with different names. Mine is just what I need and yours would be what you need. A Vicky is a very versatile gift, and I have to say that I sure do love mine. Today my Vicky held my baby while I tried to get some sleep and also brought me coffee to help with last nights lack of it. I often leave my children with my Vicky and it costs nothing. So, thank you Lord for my Vicky and please bless all my friends with a Vicky of their own. Think tonight about all the things that yours has done for you, and please comment sharing those wonderful things. I would really love to know.

I Feel Like a Mommy Tonight

My favorite photo of the day. It just makes me laugh.

What a day.

We woke up and started getting ready for my Dad's wedding. I know it's crazy that I started that early since the wedding was at 1pm, but when you have two little ones the world is very unpredictable. Handsome had a late night of closing, both my kids were up ALL night long because they had runny noses. My sister was asleep on the couch in order to help me today with the kids, taking my normal night time feeding grounds and causing me to have to use the bedroom. Smiles is a loud eater in the middle of the night, so Handsome was kept awake during that time too. It was a rough night.

Mad rushing began to take place at about 11:45am. Taylor, previously mentioned sister who has the same mother but different father, needed to shave her legs. She ran the tub. Curly followed. I was busy with Smiles and Handsome was getting himself ready, so we weren't going to fight her on that. From the bathroom I hear, "Taylor, yous shavin yous beards off yours legs Taylor!" with an extremely high pitched shriek of glee that only mother's of daughters fully know. Oh my...that's my daughter. I smiled and laughed just a little. She sure can make you smile in moments of craziness. We continued to get ready and actually made it out the door in a timely fashion.

I will probably talk about the wedding another time, perhaps tomorrow. I have had a crazy day and would have too much to talk about tonight.

We then went to take Taylor home. Curly and Smiles' cousin Aubrey was supposed to be coming to Grandma and Papa's house, so we were going to stay for a bit so that she could see her. Curly loves Aubrey and always wants to see her. I am not so sure that Aubrey cares that much about Curly yet, but she is still young. I am sure one day they will have lots of fun together. We stayed for dinner because Aubrey was getting there around dinner time. They had a little play time and we were out the door on our way home for a late bedtime after a no nap day. I am prepared for a cranky girl tomorrow.

We drove home and Smiles, who slept most of the time at Grandma and Papa's house, decided that he wanted to scream in the car again. We did fine, he waited until we were pretty close to home and I didn't have to cry back at him this time. I got the kids inside and tried to get Curly ready for bed quickly. It took a few minutes longer than I had wanted it to, but it always does. Finally I was left with getting Smiles down to bed and then I would have a couple minutes to collect myself. He wouldn't go down without a fight. This was going to go until the bitter end, I could tell. So, I am walking the house with him trying to bounce his little self and pat his little booty when I hear Curly in the other room. She is cough/choking...oh no...that is the sound she makes right before she pukes. I know that sound well because she gets very car sick (at the worst times I might add) and she usually makes that sound right before she throws up big time. I set Smiles down in the middle of my bed and rush in to help her. I hear it start as I was rushing to her. Cry, cry, cry...pause...sound of ick happening...breath...cry, cry, cry...pause...sound of ick again...deeper breath with choking sound...cry, cry, cry. My poor girl. These are the moments that we dread as mothers. It's not the mess, but the fact that they are feeling so awful and you can't do anything to make it stop. Yes, it's part of life, but it's still hard on a mother.

We get her to the bathroom and undress her. I run the bath. I get her started and run to the bedroom to take the crying Smiles to his swing in hopes that he will calm down. I get back to her and clean her up then let her sit for a moment in the water while I rush her things to the washer. Hmmm...ummm...where are the sheets for her bed? No sheets! She wet through her diaper last night and the sheets didn't get clean yet because of my day. Lucky us, we have two kids now, so we just used one of Smiles' which I had to talk her into using. She is very particular as it is, but especially when she is sick.

I got her in bed and then had to try and get the swinging Smiles to bed as well. He has so much snot that I swear the kid could be in Guinness! He isn't very happy about being let go of right now, but he will have to deal. Once I finally got him into bed I realized that I had told someone at church that I would cover snacks for her tomorrow. I said I would make scones and was planning on doing it tonight. My daughter is sick and throwing up with a low fever. My son is sick. My husband is closing tonight and then has to open tomorrow morning and will basically just sleep here tonight. I am not sure what I want to do. Handsome can pick something up on the way home, but I will have to try and get the kids out the door in time to drop something off at church and my sickie might still be not doing so well. Oh goodness.

What a day.

All that I have to say is this, I know that I would normally be stressed beyond all reason tonight, but for some reason I am not. My mind is at peace with the fact that I am Mommy. I was running around the house in all directions, especially a few minutes ago, and I am sure that I will be up a lot tonight. I am all by myself with no help because Handsome is working. That leaves two of them and one of me, but I am soaking it in tonight. I am loving this moment of being Mommy and I will remember and treasure it because this, my friends, is a snapshot of love.