Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Tear Stained Day

I can't keep my tears bundled today. It's so complicated, yet so simple- life.

Yesterday morning when I woke I found a message from Brie's husband, Mike, saying that she was going into labor. She was 26 1/2 weeks into her pregnancy. It was a scary bit of information to get and I sent out the information to all who have been praying for her with me. The day was filled with anticipation and prayers. I wasn't sure if she was going to actually have the twins, or if the labor would stop. It sounded very likely that she would be delivering her children, so the prayers were focused on the survival of those tiny little girls we had been praying for. There were many that were awaiting news and lifting up prayers.

Sometime in the 8 o'clock hour I received a call from Brie telling me that she had given birth to two little girls. They were rushed to the NICU and she didn't have measurements, but they were both here at the moment. They had trouble getting baby "A's" breathing tube in, but she seemed to be doing okay as far as Brie knew. (Of course things can change very fast right now, so it was all just as of the moment.) She told me that baby "B" was born breech and had stiff lungs and it wasn't looking good for her, they would bring her to them if they thought that she wasn't going to make it so that they could have a few precious moments with their little girl in their arms.

All night I was in prayer, I couldn't sleep because my mind was too filled with thoughts of her and I was just in a state of prayer. Many others were doing the same. At 10:45 I started to feel a struggle in my prayers, a fight taking place. I had an image taking place in my head and was praying, "Jesus fill her lungs with breath. Help her breathe." I saw very pure, bright light expanding and then, as if not having strength, collapsing. I could see that it was a struggle. The praying got so hard at a couple points, one time I remember looking and seeing that it was 10:58. Around 11:30 I felt instant peace crash over me like a wave. I wasn't sure what it meant, either she was breathing okay, or she gone home to be with her father in heaven.

When I got up with Smiles at 3 am for his feeding I checked MySpace to see if Brie or Mike had posted any changes and saw that I had a message. This is what it said:

"Baby B, who we named Allison Anne passed away at 11:26 pm. I just wanted you to know. We are doing ok and got to hold her and spend time with her. She passed in Mikes arms. "

Words still escape me. I just imagine how hard it would be to loose your child after such little time with her, but then to also still be waiting in anticipation for her sister to live. Emily Nicole is doing quite well from what I have heard at this time. This is third hand information from a family friend. I wonder how it must have felt in that room when she passed in her Daddy's arms. How comforting a Daddy is, I think of the strong arms that are there to hold you no matter your need, and how comfort from his hugs is like no other. Taken further, there is nothing like the arms of our Father in Heaven, being more of a comfort than anything else we can experience.

There is a long road ahead of little Emily and many prayers left to pray for her. I have been confident from the start that this baby would survive and I still am. Please join in praying for this little girl and her journey toward childhood. Also pray for the grieving of this young family over the loss of their child.


J. R. Miller said...

2 years ago we built our entire Christmas service around a story of a family who went through this same experience. They had prayed for years to have a child, only to have him die at birth.

Natalie Grant was friends with this family and wrote this song "Held" as an expression of her feelings at this very moment you are going through.

I have not words that can compete with the beauty of this song you can watch here.

I could also not help but think of Mary when she saw her promised miracle son die on the cross... This is what we built our entire service around. How much did Mary suffer at that moment not knowing God's plan and watching her son die???

Laurel said...

Praying for this precious family, and all of you friends.

Well written post, despite your pain.

God spoke to you while you prayed. And ... you heard Him clearly. This IS a blessing, even though the message was painful. Hold on to the blessing, and give the pain to Him ... the author of life.

prayers, hugs, and blessings,

Laurel :)

Katherine Laine said...

Thank you for sharing your heart Amber. And for keeping us up to date with this family.