Poor Smiles

Poor Smiles. I feel bad for the guy. Does he remind you of anyone here?

No? Okay, lets try with a hint. Does he remind you of anyone now?

Yep. That's the one. That gym teacher with the awful shorts that were WAY too short. You know, the running shorts that were in style back in the 1970's. The teacher that everyone secretly laughed at but didn't say anything to his face. Yes, I am probably guilty too. (We were all less mature in junior high than we are now...or you are just still very in need of some growing up.)

Sorry nameless gym teacher with the shorts. Please forgive me for laughing at you secretly.

I think Smiles deserves an apology from me as well. You see, I was rather unprepared for a certain hot day and the only shorts that I had for Smiles were in a size that was a little too small.

...like they were size 3 mos...and he wears 12-18 months right now...

Sorry Smiles. I know you don't care right now, but someday when you are 15 and you look back at this blog and some friend of yours thinks this is really funny and decides to share it with all of your other friends- trust me, you will probably care.

I'll make you some cookies. Heck, I'll even throw in a glass of milk.

Welcome to My Creativity Hole

This is the hole in which I create. It's a wonderful place. A long time ago, pre-conception of Smiles, I had a whole room to myself and my crafting. Then my sister came along and I shared it with her for awhile.

Post sister getting kicked out due to Smiles being "due", I thought that I would be okay to make him share with me. Unfortunately this wasn't going to work out. As it would turn out, the only time that I can "get my craft on" is when Smiles is sleeping. The only times that I cannot enter the room he is in...is when he is sleeping.

You can see where that wouldn't work very well.

So, my poor husband so lovingly sacrificed his closet space for his wife's sanity and creativity by being vacated to the living room closet. Have I ever mentioned that he is the one that uses all the closet space, not me? Well, he is. It's all backward- I'm aware. We just like to be different.

Anyway, just thought that I would share with you where all of that special creating takes place. I am not like most women in that I cannot think up anything creative unless I am in my zone. Alone. I have to shut myself in there with all of my tools and then have very few interruptions. No going out to scrap for me. It just doesn't work.

The moral of the story is- you can make a space just about anywhere. It's just easier if you can keep all the stuff together and organized.

Curly and Her Flowers

Today Handsome was mowing the lawn. Curly always has a hard time with this process as her beloved Daddy ends up mowing her pretty "flowers". Every time her eyeball gutters get full and she tearfully begs her Daddy not to mow them.


As usual, I explained to her over and over that they will grow back but we have to cut the grass and they are in the middle of it. They aren't where we want them to be, so we have to mow them.

Through her sobs, she let me know something. "That how God made them!"

(This doesn't look like the tearful face I got. I took pictures later, after we had gone through the discussion.)

And how could I argue with that? Daddy still mowed the lawn of course, but it does make you think. Why do we have such a problem with the way God made it? Why do we always have to change God's creation from it's raw beauty into something made by the work of our own hands?

The Not so Short Details

Fair warning, this post is VERY long. You chose it, so no complaining. Only two people said that they wanted a couple of smaller posts, and one was Handsome. I had better not make it longer by blabbing on...

I wanted to tell you about the amazing work that God has been doing in our lives...in a little more detail.

To start, I have to go back a little. To the beginning. Often, and I would even say most times, we don't recognize the beginning as a start to anything. We don't know ahead of time that it will become something more than just a thought or a tiny lesson to be learned and discovered in the mind. We don't know that God will give us life application at the start.

I mentioned on my blog a few months back that God was working on me in the area of generosity. This was actually the beginning. There were a lot of "rabbit trails of learning" in this area that had to do with the way we use our resources. One big change that was decided was the area of debt. Having debt of any kind was not something that grew us closer to God. First of all, it gives someone else control of our lives in some ways. Secondly, the more debt we have, the more limited we are in our giving of money that already belongs to God. It's like I am taking something that is His and putting my name on it for months to come. Does that make sense?

Another thing that stood out to me during a sermon that I listened to online from a former pastor was that when we take out a debt or borrow money for something it does two things. First, it doesn't allow God to provide it for us. Second, it doesn't give Him the opportunity to tell us no. If the thing that we feel a need for is something that God wants to let us have, and He loves to bless His children with gifts here on Earth too, then He will provide it for us. If not, then perhaps He doesn't want us to have it.

Who can deny an answer like that?! You can't even wonder your answer there. Either He will provide and say yes, or He won't provide and will say no or wait.

Okay. I can deal with that. That all sounds good to me and makes sense with scripture. (Forgive me for not remembering all the scripture that went with. I am not good at remembering anything that requires specifics!)

So, lets go forward a little...but don't go too far ahead.

Smiles is a big boy. He is ready to get his big boy car seat. We buy Curly a new one (since the booster seats are much cheaper and she is nearly three). Once his big seat is placed in the car the way it is supposed to be, I am in pain. I am not a short girl and because of the angle of our seats among a few other things, I am at the dashboard sitting in a position that is almost leaning forward a little. Seriously. Not good. Major knots in my back after mere minutes in the car each drive that contains our whole family. (When it's just me and the kids we are fine because the passenger seat is open.)

Of course the first thought is then, we need to get a family car that fits more. This is not the only issue with our small Kia Spectra. I love that car by the way. (In case you wondered.) Other issues are that we can't fit the dog in with us, if we have our whole family in the car we cannot take anyone with us anywhere. I often have younger siblings that I want to bring home to stay the night or take along somewhere and they can't drive yet. If Nana wants to go somewhere with us, we have to take separate cars. It just isn't working and we know it. We had been thinking for some time about needing to get a larger car. Especially with plans for a larger family in our future.

Then the reminder comes.

I wanted to honor God. My heart feels that to get a loan would not be in line with that. This is a need, not a desire. We don't have the money to do this without a loan.

A choice was at hand. I told my Handsome that I would survive. We would ask God to provide for us and either He would do that, or He would make things work the way they were. So on we went. I decided to put my ever growing baby back into the little carried car seat for now. He wasn't quite past it's weight limit, so we would be able to make that work for now. After that we would have to only go on very short trips as a family until we either got a new car, or Smiles turned one and could face forward. In August.

We had made the choice to stick with the thing that honored our integrity and not the perfectly understandable other choice. I don't know if I know anyone who would have thought anything of it had we made that choice to get a loan for a family car. It would have been perfectly normal and understandable. We need one. Not just for this reason, but we need one for our future anyway.

Okay. The choice was made and we stuck to it. We didn't waiver. We didn't have any second thoughts about our choice. It was right because we were staying in line with our convictions. All was well.

One morning in mid March I got up when Handsome got up. Kind of unusual for me to actually stay up, but I thought nothing of that. I was in the shower. When I got out I saw a message on the machine (yes, we have an old answering machine at our house...no fancy voice mail). I listened to it and knew right away from the light and airy tone that Handsome had been in no small accident. If it had been a little accident that hadn't caused damage I know I probably would have heard anger in his voice and he would have been very ticked off. Nope. This was his peaceful, trying to keep me from worry voice. I knew that it wasn't good and considered that the car probably wasn't going to make it.

Before I even talked to him.

So, I called him. He was close to home, as most accidents are. I was glad because he drives VERY far to and from work daily and I often worry about his commute. He was fine and so was the other person involved....but the car? Well, he thought that we were probably talking totaled.

I went to get him with the kids. We prayed for him and his nerves. We prayed for his body. I was at peace with the whole thing. If you know me, you will know that this in not in line with my nature. I worry. A lot. I get worked up about things like this. But I was at peace. And you know what? I feel bad saying it, but the thought did cross my mind that perhaps this was God's way of providing for our family car. I thought, well, perhaps God is telling me that it's okay to take out a small loan for the family car we need.

So, we waited the next day for the terrible pain that everyone told him would come. It didn't come. He had a sore neck, but that was it. It was gone after two days. (I still think he should go and get things checked, but he is a man and can make that choice for himself.) He recovered just fine.

We went to get a rental car. The insurance pays for this. We were supposed to get a small four door car...the cheapest that they have. (That was fine for Handsome to commute in, we were not complaining.) We got there and the guy asked if we would like to try the Dodge Journey. That's a crossover vehicle that seats seven, pictured below.

Taken from Motor Trend website.

We said, "No thanks." He persisted. Are you sure? It's a really neat car...blah, blah, blah. "No, thanks. It's just for commuting."

He then said, "Well, how about if we give it to you for the same price that your insurance covers?"

"Ummm... oooohhhh kkkkk?"

"Well, we don't actually have your car here and this is the ONLY one we have."

"Sure. We will take it if the insurance covers it." We just had to pay the tax, which we would have had to pay anyway.

That was cool thing number one. We got to have a family car while we were waiting for our insurance to tell us what our next step was. Within two or three days they told us that our car was totalled and they would be back with us in a couple of days about the amount they were going to give us for it. We waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

Finally they called a couple weeks later with a number for us. We were dreading this part because we knew that it wasn't going to be a very big number. We had looked our car up to see what we could expect. I had also heard plenty of stories about getting less than what you think you should from the insurance company.

That final number? It was a little bigger than what we had anticipated. Just a little. Like two thousand dollars bigger!

Okay. We can deal with that. =) Our loan will not have to be very big. We will have it payed off pretty quickly.

Then Handsome got his bonus. There was another nice chunk. (If taxes on bonuses weren't so high it would have been bigger, but hey...what's 40%...)

There are some other areas that we had extra $ in the last two months, but lets just say that God was working on us in the generosity department as well, so not all was for us and our car. Quite a bit still went to God's stuff. (I just don't want you to think that we took all that God provided for ourselves and selfish purposes because often these things are not for us. You have to ask each and every time. I will not, however, give any details on this because I think that giving is between the giver and God. Just know that we were careful in all of this to make sure that we knew what was for us and what was not.)

Then came the search for a car. We had no idea what we wanted. In my mind I figured we would go with a minivan. I despise the SUV not only for the gas, but also for the bulkiness of it. I like my small car and if I could fit all that I need to in there I would love to stay with that. Alas, I cannot.

First stop was our local P-ville Kia dealership. I have nothing but awesome things to say about them. When we bought our Spectra the guy that we worked with was wonderful and we loved him. Kia comes with free car washing at the dealer forever. Forever, no joke. So, we take our car in from time to time. Seriously, two years or so after we had purchased our car, we went in to get it washed. We were on our way home from a trip to see Gramps and GG in the dusty, dirty land of Idaho. You know, where them potatoes grow?

Well, it turned out that the carwash part was closed and Phillip came out as we were pulling in and said hello to us by name and informed us of this unfortunate issue, but took it and washed it for us. Let me point out that it was a disaster of a car at this point and he had to do some rubbing and take it through the wash no less than twice...perhaps more. He only mentioned twice as he joked with us that we must have had some trip. Naturally, with the amazing deal we got on our Spectra (with the help of Chalupa), we wanted to go there first.

Sadly, our Phil was gone. He had changed dealerships four months prior. We did get to talk with a very nice young man named Tyler though, who was friends with Phillip and called him for us to see if he had anything. There were a couple of options, but they were in the Tahoe range of things...too big for me. It sounded like there were a couple of options, but it was a little bit of a drive, so we thought we would check around town first. Tyler knew our price range.

OOOps! I forgot to tell you one of the most important parts!

So, before looking, we really...okay, I really...felt like God wanted us to work with the money he had given and provided. He had given us enough to get something that would work for us. I really felt like he gave me a reality check and said, "I didn't bring you this far ahead of what you were planning just so that you could get a loan. I wasn't giving you permission. I was telling you that I wanted to provide." So...with the reluctance of my minivan hating husband, we set out on this hunt with a price range that was a bit lower than what he thought would be good for what we needed.

Okay, sorry....back to the story. So, Tyler (and I will give you his last name gladly if you want to know and are local, just e-mail me or comment with the question) said he only had one thing that he thought might work in our price range. We had told him we needed to seat at least 7. Two car seats and two adults take up the 5 passenger cars all by themselves. He mentioned the Rondo, which is made by Kia of course. (Did I mention I am a Kia lover?) When we looked inside it was perfect. It's a smaller crossover than the Journey, which I decided wasn't my cup of tea during my 27 days of driving it. Even if it did function well for me. And it wasn't in our price range anyway.

But...you see, the issue with the Rondo is that it comes with the option of third row seating. It's not standard. We had looked at an '09 first to see if it was something that we thought might work and then when he checked, the used ones that they had were not third row seated. You know what's awesome? He didn't even try to sell us on the '09! He just said that he didn't have any with the third row seats and sent us to another dealership that has lots of used cars that was nearby. (No, I am not oblivious to the fact that he would get a little money for that referral if we did buy from the guy. Just saying it was great that he didn't try to sell us on more.) He was also very nice about at least telling me that he would try to find one for us in our price range later. And let me tell you- I got darn close to laughed at later.

We drove quite a few minivans after that. They were just not very great. It seemed that the price range that we were in did not suite the minivan well. But you know what? I would have been okay with that had it been where I felt that God wanted us to be with our purchase. My prayer through the whole process was that I would be in the will of God, and I think that often it is important for us to be humble and choose function over what causes excitement. I wanted to be in line with this. My issue was that none of these felt like they were functioning well for me. It was going to be an adjustment for me to go from my small car with clear vision, to a van that had tinted windows and different seating. I was ready for that. But they didn't feel right. They didn't feel like they were very high quality.

I'm not saying that no van would. What I am saying is that the vans in our price range were not running well. They weren't feeling smooth and I wasn't feeling good about them.

My mind kept saying, look for that Rondo. You really like that car and the Kia guy seemed to think it was in your price range. (If we think about it this does make sense. Minivans are more expensive off the lot. A used one would be similar then. Minivan = more expensive for the quality of drive. If only they had started making the Rondo earlier than 2007...)

I called Chalupa and asked him to see if there were any Rondo's in our price range online that did have the third row of seats. He didn't find much at that point (this was the Friday before Easter), so we grabbed some lunch and went back to their house where the kids were being watched to search online for anything and then go home. We found one about a half hour away that looked like it was close to our price, so we drove up for a test drive and to talk $.

When we drove it, we really loved it even more. The interior was clearly used well by some children, or at the least a couple of not so careful adults, but we didn't have an issue with that. We are looking for function here. This car feels like my little one when I drive it! It's just longer. This car is everything that I would want (remember, that's just a want there- not need) in a car. We just had to get them on the numbers we had.

As we sat there, things weren't working for me. It sometimes happens so fast that you get lost in the moment. Handsome knew where I stood with the $, but since it wasn't really his conviction, he would only stick with it as far as I led him to. They offered a little above the $ we had in cash, which was really close to the price they were asking, we just needed that "out the door" (after taxes and licensing). We had an offer for a couple thousand that could be loaned to us until next year with no interest. It wouldn't be an issue at all. (Not from the car dealership of course. This was a personal loan offer.) Handsome was on board with this offer.

The people at this dealership then sent over this "guy" from over in the other room. You know, the ones that come over and start to small talk with you and talk about how cute your kid is and you're like...GET to your point already! I am not a fool and I do not want to deal with your phoney attitude that makes us feel like you are pretending to care. I didn't digg this guy at all. He wasn't rude or anything, I just have that special spiritual gifting that helps me see motives and hearts ...well, it didn't help me to enjoy this man. That's for sure.

The numbers came up on our end, but they were not willing to move. I was glad for this. The car was wonderful. I wanted the car. I was sold on the car. What I wasn't sold on was the price. I felt that we needed to be able to pay cash for this car. Right now. Not take out any type of loan. Even just $1,000. I was glad when we walked, it gave me time to clear my head and really seek the Lord's will here. To see if it was okay to borrow at all, or if He had something else in mind.

(As I recap on all this, I just have to say that I don't realize how dense I am sometimes! Wow, Lord. You are really patient with me. How could I not have understood these things from the start? HELLO! Wake up lady!)

You know what He said? He told me that He didn't bring us this far, give us this much to work with over what we expected, just so that we could borrow over that. He gave us all that we needed and would provide the right car at that price. And we would be pleased with it. Our Father gives good gifts when He wants to. (This is something that I have a really hard time with becasue I can be very extreme. I often feel like I should have only the necessary and I don't like to feel even the hint of materialism. But in this, I DO feel that I can get legalistic. See? I know that I have areas where I do things out of legalism and not a heart of conviction from the Lord.)

The next days were hard. Very hard. You see, it's easy to trust God to provide for the big things, but to wait for Him to provide something when what you want is in your reach all on your own...well, that's harder. Especially something so trivial. Something that isn't that important. As I stated in a previous post, I felt alone in my choice. I felt that nobody understood fully. It seemed like a crazy thing to wait for because the car was already a really good deal. We knew that from looking later. And it wasn't like we couldn't afford it. We had planned to change our payments on our Spectra so that we were paying our normal payment, plus nearly 1 1/2 times that in extra principle so that we could pay it off quickly. We were also changing some other things to add extra cash to our monthly income. (Remember all that generosity stuff...) We could afford this quickly.

I just felt so alone. I just felt so much lack of understanding, even in the choices of my friends and family to support me. "Are you sure that's the car?" "Are you sure you don't want to just borrow that $?" "Well, maybe God is just telling you that right now and it could change later."

No. My heart is fully right with Him in this situation. I know that I just need to trust and to let Him provide.

"Lord, are you sure that I don't just need to get the minivan? Are you sure I am not expecting too much? If I am not hearing you right because of something that isn't in line with my heart, please make it clear to me. Please change my heart. Please speak the truth and your desire for me here."

No change.

And so I wait. I choose to trust you above all those around me Lord. My enemy speaks in my ear and tells me that I am looney. That I am not hearing you. But I trust in you and know that you are teaching me to trust you in the small things too. You are teaching me to hear your voice above all those around me so that in the future I will listen to you when it is a big deal. You are giving me an opportunity to share a story of trust in You even when it isn't practical or understandable by normal standards. When it doesn't make sense at all. I want to stand in Your blessing and learn the lesson you have set before me. No matter what the outcome or where it comes from.

So, that was all written before God followed through. That last paragraph wasn't supposed to be part of this post, but I thought I would let it remain. I want to share all of the emotion with you. It was all part of the process and lesson. Now let me tell you how the story is completed.

On Thursday night I was having a really hard time with all of it. Just with trusting my "ears" in hearing God's voice and struggling with that choice to not look for a different car. I asked my best friend to pray a little extra for me that night and I was going to as well. She had asked me to pray for her in a certain area as well. I guess it was a prayer night =). I had planned on praying with my husband not too long after I had asked her. He was almost home.

When he got home, things didn't go as they normally would have. We were grumpy with each other and I knew that there was something spiritual going on there. I knew that we were being prevented from praying about this together because my plan had been a large chunk of time devoted to it. I mostly ended up praying alone. We did pray about it together, it just wasn't then time that I had hoped for. It was slightly soured. We tried, but we are imperfect beings.

The next afternoon I was finishing up folding a boat load of laundry, or perhaps a couch load, with my Mom. She had spent the day with us and helped me catch up on all the things that had gone undone with the sickness that we had encountered and then the car searching. It felt great to have caught up so much. Then I got a phone call.

Someone had heard about and bought our car, the one that we test drove but couldn't get to our price range because it was already an amazing deal. This someone bought our car and told us that they wanted to sell it to us for a certain price that was only a little higher than what we had in cash. They wanted to sell it to us next month after we had time to save up the money. This someone was going to take care of the taxes on this car for us so that we could have it. They wanted us to borrow this car until next month when we bought it.

Ummm....

I didn't know what to say at first. Partly I wasn't sure if this was the miracle that I had been waiting for. Was this okay God? Then my Mom talked some sense into me and through an e-mail to Vicky I was further convinced. Yes, I am that thick headed. I had to be "convinced" that God's work was okay. Vicky reminded me that God has a way of teaching us lots of different things in the same lesson. God had worked on my giving a lot, and now He just might be working on my receiving too. (I do have a hard time with that as well.) And I also realized that God hardly ever works in the way we expect Him to. This definitely wasn't what I expected.

Since this post is so long just to tell you the details of the story, I will have to share with you later some of the things that I have learned through it. Not the least of which is that when you choose to honor God above all else, you will never be disappointed.

Poll

Okay, the details are in regarding the post I wrote the other day about waiting on God and letting Him provide. It's kind of a long story, so I wanted to know if you would rather hear it in one long post, or multiple less long posts. Please vote on the top left sidebar. I will post on Monday according to what you guys choose by then.

Thanks =).

Meet the Family: Brody

Brody is my first brother. He is the only sibling that has both of the same parents as myself. Same Mom, same Dad.

Because of this, Brody and I understood each other better as kids. We understood the crazy mass of relatives that we had and all the strange special things about both sides of the family. And let me tell you, our family has interesting methods of life. On either side of the gene pool.

I can't say that Brody and I always got along well. He is three years younger than I am and when I got older I used to get stuck babysitting him a lot (along with the other kids). Now, because not many of you know this wonderful young man, I will share with you that you missed out on a little guy who could terrorize the best of babysitters. My mom couldn't keep a babysitter with him around!

He used to get angry with me and climb up the REALLY tall trees in the front yard. That was skill. Those trees had no branches for at least 10 feet, but he would just bear hug the tree and get a good grip, then shimmy himself up the tree. And not come down. For a long time.

I might have provoked him once in awhile. Maybe.


When Brody got to Junior High, he really just needed his Dad. A boy gets to a time when he just needs man time. He moved in with Dad and I got to see him less. I missed him, though I still got to see him plenty often. It was just different, and since I was in High School I started to have my own life outside of my family anyway.

Brody really blossomed as he got older. Mind you, this kid has always been awesome, but he learned how to make his stubborn will and independent nature work for the best. EVERYONE that knows Brody will tell you that if he doesn't want to do something- he is NOT going to do it. That's the end. Done. Finished. And that serves him well now because he is a young man with integrity and good character. I am so proud of my younger brother for the man that he is becoming.


When he sees a need, he usually jumps right in to help. He may be stubborn when he feels that anyone is pushing him into something, but if you let him be you don't have to push much. He steers himself pretty well. And now he has a wonderful wife that can help nudge him if need be. That's right, last August my little brother got married to a special young woman that he had dated for less than a year officially... (But don't be fooled, they were "just friends" for a very long time. In Brody speak that means that he was interested, but had to be sure that he was ready to marry her before official dating began.)


Now, lets not get too ahead of ourselves. Brody is a stubborn boy that really does march to his own drummer. And what beautiful music that drummer plays. I love that boy more than ever, he has become such a well rounded guy that oozes kindness.

Brody likes all things weird. He always did such strange stuff when we were kids. I remember when he would be out on the back courtyard practicing shooting a basketball while ON. A. POGOSTICK. What the heck you say? Well, that's all in a day's work with Brody. And he got good too! He could pogo with no hands and make a lot of baskets before missing one. There are other tricks on the pogo stick too, according to Mom who is sitting behind me playing with Curly.


He also got into juggling sticks, rock collecting and polishing, electronic things (he was working on making his own electronic chess board for awhile), and lots of other things.

Brody married Sunny in August of last year. They are really sweet together. Right now Sunny is going to school to become a pharmacy technician and Brody works for medical transport company. He drives people in ambulance looking van things from hospitals and nursing homes and such. (Non-emergency only)

Sunny likes to giggle a lot and they both enjoy playing games. A couple of weeks ago they came over to play Handsome's favorite game, Monopoly. I despise that game. I really don't like to play it. Unfortunately for all involved, Handsome was at work and couldn't play, but another brother was here staying over during his spring break and he played with them. I watched. I do like playing other games with them, just not that particular one.

One last thing about this pair, they enjoy cooking. I have heard a story or two about my brother getting a wild hair nearing the 2 am time frame and cooking up some stuff right then and there. They have some interesting cook books with different cuisine. It's all very creative.

That's my Brody in a nutshell...or a post anyway. Hope you liked meeting him.

Next week, more siblings on the way.

"Behold" Saith Smiles

"Behold!"
"Wait just a second here...I need to fix this a bit."

"Ah. That's better, now I look more mighty and tall. This way I will get the respect of those that think little of the small. Just because I am not as large as you, doesn't mean that my mind is any less sophisticated."

"It's true. I hear you scoffing. My capacity for learning far outweighs your own. Now who is the scoffer?"

"That's what I thought."

"Anyway, as I was saying. BEHOLD. The sun shineth in the...in the...well, in the sky."

"Come crawl with me in the grass and taste each blade with care. Spring is here! The torrent rains have stopped and the hail has ceased. The great day has come."

"At least Lily is willing. She agrees that the taste of the grass is magnificent. I urge you to bite into one crisp morsel of green. You will find yourself pleased."

"I understand. You are aged. You have forgotten the blessed newness of God's creation. You would rather taste the work of men. Fools!"

"I will just sit in peace and enjoy it with myself then."


Yes. I just made something really stupid up so that I could post pictures of Smiles in yesterday's sun break. I am so ready for the brighter days to be here so that I do not have to deal with low light photographing. It's not my strong suit. It's hard. It's ugly. We don't like to do it.

Strength Will Rise as I Wait Upon the Lord

When something big hits your life out of nowhere and you are caught so off guard that you feel baffled at how to even begin the process of picking yourself up off the ground, where do you turn? Well, I turn to God. That's one of the most easy choices for me at this point. If anything comes and shakes my life, I know that prayer and faith in my Father in Heaven will get me through. It might be emotional, but I know that I can make it and He will guide me and bring me out better than when I started.

I would imagine that I am not part of any small handful of people there. I would say that with the big stuff a very large percentage of Americans would run to God. No matter what the past was filled with, He is the guy when things are beyond our power. Because of this it is often necessary for Him to bring us closer to Him through life quaking obstacles that shake us to the core. I'm going to say that I think our hearts are more important to Him than our emotional pain. He would (and He proved this) do anything to get our attention to Him and have our hearts connected with His.

Even if it hurts right now.

BUT...

We have to grow from there. We have to learn deeper and seek His heart and desire for us more as our faith deepens. Life progresses and more responsibility is part of growing up.

Christ wants to have ALL of my life. All of my attention, all of my choices, all of my moments throughout my day. The longer I trust in Him, the more that should be reality. I am learning a lesson here. It's kind of hard for me.

When something big comes along, I don't have much issue turning to God. It's something that I have had to do before and because it has worked well and He proved faithful, that is no longer something that takes as much faith for me. But...with the small things I do have more trouble. Perhaps small isn't the word, but trivial might fit better.

He makes it clear that He wants to provide for me. In everything. My daily needs and more.

It seems to me that the more we have, the more we have trouble growing a deep relationship with Him that compares to one with a life based in trial. I don't think that the reason behind this is all that deep either.

The more that I have, the easier I can provide what I need and want. The more of my wants/needs that I can provide on my own, the less I need to turn to God. When I don't need Him, it's easy to let all the little distractions that are placed in front of me take precedence.

I'm imperfect.

He knows it.

So, recently I am finding it hard to let Him provide in a certain area. It is perfectly within my own power to do so. It would be so much easier to place my faith in other things. Other people. More widely acceptable options.

Instead I wait. And to some extent I feel that I wait alone. Just He and I.

Sure, my husband is willing to go along with me for the ride (sort of), but he hasn't received the same word from God that I have. His feelings are not based on His faith, but rather on mine. My mother and some others that I am quite close to are supportive, but still make me feel like perhaps I am not hearing Him perfectly clearly, or maybe He will change what He says later.

No. I really feel not. It feels very clear exactly what I am waiting for. I just have to trust Him even though it feels out there and it doesn't fit reality. I would laugh at myself a bit and say "Yeah. Right..." if it weren't for the God part of it.

But there are so many things that I am already learning from this time. I have been able to share with a couple of others this faith that I have through it...even if they do think I am wacky for it.

And so I must sit and wait.

...And feel like Noah (except FAR more trivial and unimportant). How would it feel to build a boat and have all the people around you think you are crazy? I obviously can't know that, but I do feel a little bit more for Him than I ever have in the past. I wonder if he ever questioned his "ears" when he heard God. Not just him, but all those that have trusted in God in the past. All those that have been told to be obedient in things that didn't make sense. To trust for things that may not have been that important. To let Him provide, even when they could do it without Him.

Then I remember that God doesn't work in the ways of man and how thankful I am that He doesn't. Not only do our ways often fall to the ground with an explosion, but His ways show that He is God. And how disappointing and frustrating would it be to have a God that worked in the ways of man? How would we know Him from our own works? Why would we need to trust Him at all? What would cause us to seek Him? What would make us believe Him?

But- Strength WILL rise as I wait upon the Lord. As I wait upon Him I do not grow weary or distraught. I grow more confident that He WILL provide. That is how my faith differs from one that is placed in any other than the God of Heaven.

Isaiah 40:13, 14

13 Who has understood the mind of the LORD,
or instructed him as his counselor?

14 Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him,
and who taught him the right way?
Who was it that taught him knowledge
or showed him the path of understanding?

Isaiah 40:28-31

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

I will share the details of this story once it has come to completion. For now, just take the little things shared from my heart and let God use them as He will for your life and application. Often to speak in a vague way helps others to relate to their own circumstances anyway.

He's a Manger

Apparently this is what Curly thinks a manger looks like. She told me that Smiles was a manger.

"Thanks sister. I always wanted to feed cows and hold baby Jesus."

Meet the Family: Grandma S

I have one more parent on my side to tell you about. This is Grandma S.

She was married to my Dad and I liked her so much that I decided to keep her. She is pretty sweet.

(Yes. It's true I didn't take this picture. BUT...since I did doctor it up a bit I figured it would qualify anyway. Picture of a picture...you know, it works. It seems my own mother doesn't know that all my pictures are my own. She thought that this one was stolen from Google. Ummm, did you notice that fact that the verse I captured fit perfectly with the post Ma? I am NOT that good at Google searches.)

Dad Married Grandma S before Handsome and I got married. I didn't really get to know her well until a couple years in though. I knew that she was a wonderful woman, with a kind hearted spirit, I just didn't know the details.

Handsome and I got married in August of 2003 and in October(ish) we moved into an old milking barn that Dad had converted into a home. We were right on the property that Dad lived on with a bunch of his kids and Grandma S and her daughter Giggles of course lived there too (she has a very distinct laugh that is very contagious). I got to know them better living there.

A year or so before I got pregnant with Curly, I started working at a company that was right across the street from Grandma S. We both rode the bus to work. Most of the time we rode at different times, but there were a few times when we got to ride the bus together and those times were wonderful. That's when I feel like I really got to know her. (A forty five minute ride a couple of times will do that.)

Then Curly was born. Grandma S came and saved me a couple of times when I was exhausted with a baby that wouldn't sleep. Handsome worked an overnight shift for the first 18 months of Curly's life- boy am I glad that is over with! My dad came with too, but she did the soothing for a short while so that I could get some sleep. Oh golly did she love to hold those babies. (There was only one. I am just saying...she isn't so particular what babies, though I am sure that she loves her babies at least a little more than random ones off the street.)


As Dad and Grandma S were going through things that led up to the unhitching of the two of them, I really connected with her even more. I felt that she was so soft on a spiritual level, seeking the Lord more than many. Rough times will get you to that point if you aren't there already. I also felt that I understood some of her pain, though in a different way.

Since they divorced I still see and e-mail with her often. She is so amazing at keeping up with us, I am not as good at it as she is because I can hardly keep track of what is required of me by law =). She comes to visit and see the kids and Giggles comes with her too. (And the two babies she has blessed the world with.)


I just realized I didn't say that much about her for you to feel like you "know" her a little.

Whenever they come to visit, Grandma S brings fruit snacks. Curly loves them, that's the only time she gets to have them. She loves girly dresses and bought Curly the most adorable Easter dress last year. She has great taste in dresses. She even bought a little purse to go with.

This woman is so thoughtful that she makes me feel mindless sometimes. She has purchased me a mother's day gift each year. What's up with that!?! And she sends the sweetest e-mails often just asking how we are doing and keeping us posted. Strangely enough, until recently she was my updater on J family news. She was living with my aunt and uncle and got to hear what was going on. Dad has never been good at keeping us updated. I guess that's not a thing men are good at.

So, even though she is not a technical extra mom anymore, she still counts in my book. Gotta love Grandma S.

What Kind of Milk?

Curly always makes me laugh.

Here is the conversation that went down yesterday:

Curly: "Mom, I would like some milk." pause, "Please."

Me: "Sure honey. Thank you for asking so nicely, you may have some milk."

I go into the kitchen and am getting her cup when I hear from the newly three year old mouth, "Mama, I would like cow's milk."

Ummm...okay. Cow's milk it is then.

(Apparently she was not in the mood for soy.)

Through the Eyes of the Lord

I've been hanging on to this one for awhile. A few months ago I was having some quiet time and words just came. It's one of the ways the Lord speaks to me, He will give me one sentence and then as I write that one the rest unfolds. I sort of read it as it is written. I wanted to share it here earlier, but since I was asked to share it at our MOPS meeting today, I thought it would be best to wait. That way it is fresh for those that might happen to read my blog.

It's such a special thing when I know something is from Him and He gives me the pleasure of being a part of sharing it.

In every person’s life there comes a time when a hurdle is in front of them, sometimes even a mountain. These obstacles often seem too big for us, but then we turn to the Lord knowing that He is our only hope. It’s often necessary for a time of trouble to arise in order that we come to the next level of depth in our relationship with him.

Sometimes it’s emotional, sometimes physical, often both. No matter which, a wound is made in the beginning. Difficulty is painful and this is how the wound occurs. As time passes and we trust God and let him carry us through each small step of recovery and healing, our wound begins to close, leaving a scar. Often the scar fades, but the deeper the pain, the more likely a scar will stay with us the rest of our lives. Some scars can be sore for a long time; less deep wounds might leave a scar that is only visible.

As often is the case, we do not see things as God does. Picture a large scar on the body. Is your first thought of something you want there? I would imagine you think more along the lines of ugliness or something you would want to heal and make dissappear. We do not appreciate the scar for what it is in the eyes of God, we take away from the beauty of this simple design of God by trying to take away our unique circumstances and past. We try to limit beauty to the view of this world instead of trying to see through the eyes of our designer.

I was thinking about scars recently. I once had a deep wound in my marriage that wasn’t all that long ago. It was very painful for both my husband and myself and at the time we both wished that it had never happened and that we could take it back, make it all disappear. Time passed and by the grace of the Lord we worked through our pain. He healed our wounds and closed them slowly, bit by bit. Often I would think that the pain was healed and something would come along that bumped my scar and caused a bit of pain again, this still happens once in a while. For me, I think that this scar will be one that stays for my entire life, but God has changed the way I view it.

In the beginning I prayed for what I wanted. Lord, take away the pain and make it as if it had never happened. Please heal my wound and make me as though I were new again. I knew it was in His power. As time passed, God showed me that to heal my pain and not leave a scar would defeat the purpose and take away from His glory and the good work that He had done. We had ugliness in our lives before the actual wound even took place. I was, in essence, asking to be placed right back there where I had started. God used a deep wound to create something more beautiful than what had been there before. The scar is part of the beautiful creation He stuck in place of the old. The scar is a reminder of what the original product was and how He had taken such imperfection and created something beautiful in its place. As I have grown and continue to do so in this area, I find that I would not reverse this painful time for anything. Yes, it was harder than anything I have endured in my entire life so far, but it has produced more good in my life than anything that I have ever walked through. I embrace my scar as a reminder that God has done so much in my life and has taken my ugliness and created something new.

I have started to see all scars as beauty. They tell a story of endurance and strength, of God’s majesty, His ability, His love. A scar shows the strength of a person to make it through imperfect times. If I am to just see the improved creation with out seeing the before picture, it takes away from the beauty. If you show me a makeover in a home and don’t give me a before picture I will probably think that it’s nice, but if you show me what was there before I might be amazed at what could be done with such a wretched place. Do you see what I mean? Having the scar brings more glory to God because it is his “before”picture.

We have to stop seeing through the eyes of the world because we are not called to see as they do. Beautiful is God’s glorious creation and all that He has done. If we pray for Him to give us His eyes, we have to be willing to look through them. We have to be willing to look at things the way He does, not the way we have learned through our environment. Scars are not a thing of beauty to the culture we live in, and I wonder if this is partly because we, as God’s children, don’t embrace them. Nature embraces its beauty, the other creations of our Father do not doubt themselves, they just are. They do what they were created to do because they were not given the choice to do otherwise. When we let go of our worry and lack of confidence (which I myself have a very hard time doing), we allow God’s glory to shine through. The closer we come to the natural beings He created, who “were naked and felt no shame”, the more our beauty can shine through. We must become more like the children of God who were comfortable and proud of whom He had made each of them to be. When we allow that to take place, then even the world cannot deny fascination. Those that are not followers of Christ still see His creation in nature and appreciate it; they cannot help but see its beauty. So were we designed to be. So should we strive to be.

The question that I have been asking myself is: Am I trying to fit into the world’s image of beautiful, or God’s? Am I inclined to cling to the route that is less painful, or am I choosing to embrace the road that might be less comfortable, yet produces more growth and more reflects my Father’s glory? I am still figuring out the answer to this and I think that it will always be a process of growth, of becoming more comfortable with the creation that I am designed to be.

Party Time

This weekend we had a little party to celebrate Curly's birthday. She had two friends that she wanted to invite. No more, just two. I was okay with that, since we have a large enough family to fill the house beyond the comfortable limits. So, she had a family party with her two friends. Very low key.

M and Curly have been friends since M was a two months old. When her mommy went back to work I watched her a couple of days a week. Last year she was with us more often until I got too tired being pregnant with Smiles.

J's mom started watching M when I finished up. Now we play with them sometimes during the week. We (his mommy and I) have been on the Steering Team for our MOPS group the past two years together.

We went to the park down the street and blew bubbles first. Aunt Artsy sure is cute when she blows bubbles. She is always cute.

This is when we were walking back to the house. I love how J has a look on his face like he is so not into holding the girl's hands in the first picture.

Papa with Smiles.

A grouping of some of my siblings on the couch. The middle one is new though, he just changed my sister's last name =)...she is the one on the right end. Don't ask how he ended up in the middle of all the giggly sisters, poor guy. They get a little rowdy and silly together. (They probably gathered around him one by one and then silliness ensued.)

Curly likes to eat her cake on a stick. I guess the cupcake pops that we made confused her about regular cake.

(Check out Bakerella for more of these and how to make them.)
For the how to, click here.
For different designs, click here and scroll down a bit. There are a couple of posts you will have to scroll through.

Nana and Handsome's cousin J, pictured below, made an awesome card with their bare hands! Check it out.

Now you can see that my card making talent is limited compared to theirs =). J is amazing and sometimes sends me scrapbook pages. What a gal! Curly loves her too.

I just had to include this picture of little mister J on Handsome's leg. So cute, that boy!
Smiles is charming M's parents. They have another little girl coming in July.

Handsome thinks this picture is hilarious. He is into Star Wars and that is Curly's light saber. They each have one. She will say to Handsome, "Daddy, I challenge you to a duel!"

And lastly, Vicky with Smiles.

It was a fun and simple party. Curly had a great time and that's what matters most.