"Behold" Saith Smiles

"Behold!"
"Wait just a second here...I need to fix this a bit."

"Ah. That's better, now I look more mighty and tall. This way I will get the respect of those that think little of the small. Just because I am not as large as you, doesn't mean that my mind is any less sophisticated."

"It's true. I hear you scoffing. My capacity for learning far outweighs your own. Now who is the scoffer?"

"That's what I thought."

"Anyway, as I was saying. BEHOLD. The sun shineth in the...in the...well, in the sky."

"Come crawl with me in the grass and taste each blade with care. Spring is here! The torrent rains have stopped and the hail has ceased. The great day has come."

"At least Lily is willing. She agrees that the taste of the grass is magnificent. I urge you to bite into one crisp morsel of green. You will find yourself pleased."

"I understand. You are aged. You have forgotten the blessed newness of God's creation. You would rather taste the work of men. Fools!"

"I will just sit in peace and enjoy it with myself then."


Yes. I just made something really stupid up so that I could post pictures of Smiles in yesterday's sun break. I am so ready for the brighter days to be here so that I do not have to deal with low light photographing. It's not my strong suit. It's hard. It's ugly. We don't like to do it.

Strength Will Rise as I Wait Upon the Lord

When something big hits your life out of nowhere and you are caught so off guard that you feel baffled at how to even begin the process of picking yourself up off the ground, where do you turn? Well, I turn to God. That's one of the most easy choices for me at this point. If anything comes and shakes my life, I know that prayer and faith in my Father in Heaven will get me through. It might be emotional, but I know that I can make it and He will guide me and bring me out better than when I started.

I would imagine that I am not part of any small handful of people there. I would say that with the big stuff a very large percentage of Americans would run to God. No matter what the past was filled with, He is the guy when things are beyond our power. Because of this it is often necessary for Him to bring us closer to Him through life quaking obstacles that shake us to the core. I'm going to say that I think our hearts are more important to Him than our emotional pain. He would (and He proved this) do anything to get our attention to Him and have our hearts connected with His.

Even if it hurts right now.

BUT...

We have to grow from there. We have to learn deeper and seek His heart and desire for us more as our faith deepens. Life progresses and more responsibility is part of growing up.

Christ wants to have ALL of my life. All of my attention, all of my choices, all of my moments throughout my day. The longer I trust in Him, the more that should be reality. I am learning a lesson here. It's kind of hard for me.

When something big comes along, I don't have much issue turning to God. It's something that I have had to do before and because it has worked well and He proved faithful, that is no longer something that takes as much faith for me. But...with the small things I do have more trouble. Perhaps small isn't the word, but trivial might fit better.

He makes it clear that He wants to provide for me. In everything. My daily needs and more.

It seems to me that the more we have, the more we have trouble growing a deep relationship with Him that compares to one with a life based in trial. I don't think that the reason behind this is all that deep either.

The more that I have, the easier I can provide what I need and want. The more of my wants/needs that I can provide on my own, the less I need to turn to God. When I don't need Him, it's easy to let all the little distractions that are placed in front of me take precedence.

I'm imperfect.

He knows it.

So, recently I am finding it hard to let Him provide in a certain area. It is perfectly within my own power to do so. It would be so much easier to place my faith in other things. Other people. More widely acceptable options.

Instead I wait. And to some extent I feel that I wait alone. Just He and I.

Sure, my husband is willing to go along with me for the ride (sort of), but he hasn't received the same word from God that I have. His feelings are not based on His faith, but rather on mine. My mother and some others that I am quite close to are supportive, but still make me feel like perhaps I am not hearing Him perfectly clearly, or maybe He will change what He says later.

No. I really feel not. It feels very clear exactly what I am waiting for. I just have to trust Him even though it feels out there and it doesn't fit reality. I would laugh at myself a bit and say "Yeah. Right..." if it weren't for the God part of it.

But there are so many things that I am already learning from this time. I have been able to share with a couple of others this faith that I have through it...even if they do think I am wacky for it.

And so I must sit and wait.

...And feel like Noah (except FAR more trivial and unimportant). How would it feel to build a boat and have all the people around you think you are crazy? I obviously can't know that, but I do feel a little bit more for Him than I ever have in the past. I wonder if he ever questioned his "ears" when he heard God. Not just him, but all those that have trusted in God in the past. All those that have been told to be obedient in things that didn't make sense. To trust for things that may not have been that important. To let Him provide, even when they could do it without Him.

Then I remember that God doesn't work in the ways of man and how thankful I am that He doesn't. Not only do our ways often fall to the ground with an explosion, but His ways show that He is God. And how disappointing and frustrating would it be to have a God that worked in the ways of man? How would we know Him from our own works? Why would we need to trust Him at all? What would cause us to seek Him? What would make us believe Him?

But- Strength WILL rise as I wait upon the Lord. As I wait upon Him I do not grow weary or distraught. I grow more confident that He WILL provide. That is how my faith differs from one that is placed in any other than the God of Heaven.

Isaiah 40:13, 14

13 Who has understood the mind of the LORD,
or instructed him as his counselor?

14 Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him,
and who taught him the right way?
Who was it that taught him knowledge
or showed him the path of understanding?

Isaiah 40:28-31

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

I will share the details of this story once it has come to completion. For now, just take the little things shared from my heart and let God use them as He will for your life and application. Often to speak in a vague way helps others to relate to their own circumstances anyway.

He's a Manger

Apparently this is what Curly thinks a manger looks like. She told me that Smiles was a manger.

"Thanks sister. I always wanted to feed cows and hold baby Jesus."

Meet the Family: Grandma S

I have one more parent on my side to tell you about. This is Grandma S.

She was married to my Dad and I liked her so much that I decided to keep her. She is pretty sweet.

(Yes. It's true I didn't take this picture. BUT...since I did doctor it up a bit I figured it would qualify anyway. Picture of a picture...you know, it works. It seems my own mother doesn't know that all my pictures are my own. She thought that this one was stolen from Google. Ummm, did you notice that fact that the verse I captured fit perfectly with the post Ma? I am NOT that good at Google searches.)

Dad Married Grandma S before Handsome and I got married. I didn't really get to know her well until a couple years in though. I knew that she was a wonderful woman, with a kind hearted spirit, I just didn't know the details.

Handsome and I got married in August of 2003 and in October(ish) we moved into an old milking barn that Dad had converted into a home. We were right on the property that Dad lived on with a bunch of his kids and Grandma S and her daughter Giggles of course lived there too (she has a very distinct laugh that is very contagious). I got to know them better living there.

A year or so before I got pregnant with Curly, I started working at a company that was right across the street from Grandma S. We both rode the bus to work. Most of the time we rode at different times, but there were a few times when we got to ride the bus together and those times were wonderful. That's when I feel like I really got to know her. (A forty five minute ride a couple of times will do that.)

Then Curly was born. Grandma S came and saved me a couple of times when I was exhausted with a baby that wouldn't sleep. Handsome worked an overnight shift for the first 18 months of Curly's life- boy am I glad that is over with! My dad came with too, but she did the soothing for a short while so that I could get some sleep. Oh golly did she love to hold those babies. (There was only one. I am just saying...she isn't so particular what babies, though I am sure that she loves her babies at least a little more than random ones off the street.)


As Dad and Grandma S were going through things that led up to the unhitching of the two of them, I really connected with her even more. I felt that she was so soft on a spiritual level, seeking the Lord more than many. Rough times will get you to that point if you aren't there already. I also felt that I understood some of her pain, though in a different way.

Since they divorced I still see and e-mail with her often. She is so amazing at keeping up with us, I am not as good at it as she is because I can hardly keep track of what is required of me by law =). She comes to visit and see the kids and Giggles comes with her too. (And the two babies she has blessed the world with.)


I just realized I didn't say that much about her for you to feel like you "know" her a little.

Whenever they come to visit, Grandma S brings fruit snacks. Curly loves them, that's the only time she gets to have them. She loves girly dresses and bought Curly the most adorable Easter dress last year. She has great taste in dresses. She even bought a little purse to go with.

This woman is so thoughtful that she makes me feel mindless sometimes. She has purchased me a mother's day gift each year. What's up with that!?! And she sends the sweetest e-mails often just asking how we are doing and keeping us posted. Strangely enough, until recently she was my updater on J family news. She was living with my aunt and uncle and got to hear what was going on. Dad has never been good at keeping us updated. I guess that's not a thing men are good at.

So, even though she is not a technical extra mom anymore, she still counts in my book. Gotta love Grandma S.

What Kind of Milk?

Curly always makes me laugh.

Here is the conversation that went down yesterday:

Curly: "Mom, I would like some milk." pause, "Please."

Me: "Sure honey. Thank you for asking so nicely, you may have some milk."

I go into the kitchen and am getting her cup when I hear from the newly three year old mouth, "Mama, I would like cow's milk."

Ummm...okay. Cow's milk it is then.

(Apparently she was not in the mood for soy.)

Through the Eyes of the Lord

I've been hanging on to this one for awhile. A few months ago I was having some quiet time and words just came. It's one of the ways the Lord speaks to me, He will give me one sentence and then as I write that one the rest unfolds. I sort of read it as it is written. I wanted to share it here earlier, but since I was asked to share it at our MOPS meeting today, I thought it would be best to wait. That way it is fresh for those that might happen to read my blog.

It's such a special thing when I know something is from Him and He gives me the pleasure of being a part of sharing it.

In every person’s life there comes a time when a hurdle is in front of them, sometimes even a mountain. These obstacles often seem too big for us, but then we turn to the Lord knowing that He is our only hope. It’s often necessary for a time of trouble to arise in order that we come to the next level of depth in our relationship with him.

Sometimes it’s emotional, sometimes physical, often both. No matter which, a wound is made in the beginning. Difficulty is painful and this is how the wound occurs. As time passes and we trust God and let him carry us through each small step of recovery and healing, our wound begins to close, leaving a scar. Often the scar fades, but the deeper the pain, the more likely a scar will stay with us the rest of our lives. Some scars can be sore for a long time; less deep wounds might leave a scar that is only visible.

As often is the case, we do not see things as God does. Picture a large scar on the body. Is your first thought of something you want there? I would imagine you think more along the lines of ugliness or something you would want to heal and make dissappear. We do not appreciate the scar for what it is in the eyes of God, we take away from the beauty of this simple design of God by trying to take away our unique circumstances and past. We try to limit beauty to the view of this world instead of trying to see through the eyes of our designer.

I was thinking about scars recently. I once had a deep wound in my marriage that wasn’t all that long ago. It was very painful for both my husband and myself and at the time we both wished that it had never happened and that we could take it back, make it all disappear. Time passed and by the grace of the Lord we worked through our pain. He healed our wounds and closed them slowly, bit by bit. Often I would think that the pain was healed and something would come along that bumped my scar and caused a bit of pain again, this still happens once in a while. For me, I think that this scar will be one that stays for my entire life, but God has changed the way I view it.

In the beginning I prayed for what I wanted. Lord, take away the pain and make it as if it had never happened. Please heal my wound and make me as though I were new again. I knew it was in His power. As time passed, God showed me that to heal my pain and not leave a scar would defeat the purpose and take away from His glory and the good work that He had done. We had ugliness in our lives before the actual wound even took place. I was, in essence, asking to be placed right back there where I had started. God used a deep wound to create something more beautiful than what had been there before. The scar is part of the beautiful creation He stuck in place of the old. The scar is a reminder of what the original product was and how He had taken such imperfection and created something beautiful in its place. As I have grown and continue to do so in this area, I find that I would not reverse this painful time for anything. Yes, it was harder than anything I have endured in my entire life so far, but it has produced more good in my life than anything that I have ever walked through. I embrace my scar as a reminder that God has done so much in my life and has taken my ugliness and created something new.

I have started to see all scars as beauty. They tell a story of endurance and strength, of God’s majesty, His ability, His love. A scar shows the strength of a person to make it through imperfect times. If I am to just see the improved creation with out seeing the before picture, it takes away from the beauty. If you show me a makeover in a home and don’t give me a before picture I will probably think that it’s nice, but if you show me what was there before I might be amazed at what could be done with such a wretched place. Do you see what I mean? Having the scar brings more glory to God because it is his “before”picture.

We have to stop seeing through the eyes of the world because we are not called to see as they do. Beautiful is God’s glorious creation and all that He has done. If we pray for Him to give us His eyes, we have to be willing to look through them. We have to be willing to look at things the way He does, not the way we have learned through our environment. Scars are not a thing of beauty to the culture we live in, and I wonder if this is partly because we, as God’s children, don’t embrace them. Nature embraces its beauty, the other creations of our Father do not doubt themselves, they just are. They do what they were created to do because they were not given the choice to do otherwise. When we let go of our worry and lack of confidence (which I myself have a very hard time doing), we allow God’s glory to shine through. The closer we come to the natural beings He created, who “were naked and felt no shame”, the more our beauty can shine through. We must become more like the children of God who were comfortable and proud of whom He had made each of them to be. When we allow that to take place, then even the world cannot deny fascination. Those that are not followers of Christ still see His creation in nature and appreciate it; they cannot help but see its beauty. So were we designed to be. So should we strive to be.

The question that I have been asking myself is: Am I trying to fit into the world’s image of beautiful, or God’s? Am I inclined to cling to the route that is less painful, or am I choosing to embrace the road that might be less comfortable, yet produces more growth and more reflects my Father’s glory? I am still figuring out the answer to this and I think that it will always be a process of growth, of becoming more comfortable with the creation that I am designed to be.

Party Time

This weekend we had a little party to celebrate Curly's birthday. She had two friends that she wanted to invite. No more, just two. I was okay with that, since we have a large enough family to fill the house beyond the comfortable limits. So, she had a family party with her two friends. Very low key.

M and Curly have been friends since M was a two months old. When her mommy went back to work I watched her a couple of days a week. Last year she was with us more often until I got too tired being pregnant with Smiles.

J's mom started watching M when I finished up. Now we play with them sometimes during the week. We (his mommy and I) have been on the Steering Team for our MOPS group the past two years together.

We went to the park down the street and blew bubbles first. Aunt Artsy sure is cute when she blows bubbles. She is always cute.

This is when we were walking back to the house. I love how J has a look on his face like he is so not into holding the girl's hands in the first picture.

Papa with Smiles.

A grouping of some of my siblings on the couch. The middle one is new though, he just changed my sister's last name =)...she is the one on the right end. Don't ask how he ended up in the middle of all the giggly sisters, poor guy. They get a little rowdy and silly together. (They probably gathered around him one by one and then silliness ensued.)

Curly likes to eat her cake on a stick. I guess the cupcake pops that we made confused her about regular cake.

(Check out Bakerella for more of these and how to make them.)
For the how to, click here.
For different designs, click here and scroll down a bit. There are a couple of posts you will have to scroll through.

Nana and Handsome's cousin J, pictured below, made an awesome card with their bare hands! Check it out.

Now you can see that my card making talent is limited compared to theirs =). J is amazing and sometimes sends me scrapbook pages. What a gal! Curly loves her too.

I just had to include this picture of little mister J on Handsome's leg. So cute, that boy!
Smiles is charming M's parents. They have another little girl coming in July.

Handsome thinks this picture is hilarious. He is into Star Wars and that is Curly's light saber. They each have one. She will say to Handsome, "Daddy, I challenge you to a duel!"

And lastly, Vicky with Smiles.

It was a fun and simple party. Curly had a great time and that's what matters most.

Meet the Family: Dad

Let's introduce you to my Daddy.

My Dad is a lanky 6'4" man. When I was younger people always used to think he was my brother. He just looked very young. Having the number of children he has and running his own business, among other things has taken a little bit of a toll and he is now a bit gray in the hair and has aged enough over the past couple of years to actually look like he is my dad. These things do catch up to you.


Mom and Dad got unhitched when I was four. I like the word unhitched better than the D word. Anyway, I only got to live with my Dad the first four years of my life, but I did get to see him every other weekend for lots of years. It may sound strange, but because I don't really remember them together that much, I never wished that they would be married again. I liked my life the way it was, and though I would have liked to see my dad everyday, that was probably the only thing that I would have changed.

Dad has a very generous and forgiving spirit. As far back as I can remember my Dad has always been helping someone. He gives his time, his money, his home, his heart. Even after he is taken advantage of, Dad will forgive and hold out his hand to help the same person repeatedly. Some say it is to a fault, but he always says that Christ told us to turn the other cheek and to forgive. His life, though I have not been with him for the day to day, has often made me look at my own with eyes toward change and growth. The good thing about it is that looking at his life doesn't make me seek to be like him, but has caused me to seek to be more like Christ.


That good stuff said, there are some weird things about Dad too. He is very silly and random. You never know what you are going to get with him, which is great when you are a kid. I remember when we were little he used to answer the phone (remember that this was before caller ID) with random words just to get us laughing. He would answer with whatever word we asked him to. Sometimes it was a color, sometimes it was "barbie", other times it was "pancakes"...each time in place of hello.

Dad never says hello, it's always, "Merry Christmas." Unless of course it's actually Christmas time, then you will probably get Bah Humbug or Happy Birthday. His girls are called his boys and his sons are called daughters. I wonder if some people used to think that he was so weird because he had so many small children. But...well, most of us are grown and the youngest are still in their early teens. He still does it. I guess they all know that it's just him now. My Dad is a silly, silly man.

(Some of Dad's "boys" with him at his wedding.)

When Handsome and I first got married, Dad had an old milking barn that was converted into an apartment on his property. He let us live there rent free, which helped us save up money to buy our first house. We were far enough from the main house to have our privacy, but close enough that I didn't get too scared on the nights when I was by myself in our first three months. (Handsome had a quarter left at a school over the mountain pass when we got married, so he was only home on weekends.)

I appreciated it at the time, but I think that I appreciate it even more after actually going out to buy a house. What a blessing that is.

Dad's family is also very close. My Dad's side of the family is LDS (Mormon) and I think that has something to do with how great they are at seeing each other all the time. Family is important to them. There are often things that I miss about that lifestyle and church and the importance of family is one of them. Don't get me wrong, Handsome and I work very hard at creating that for our children too, but it's different. We aren't given as many tools to foster that. My dad and his brothers talk and see each other all the time and used to regularly play basketball together...weekly. I am not sure if they do anymore.

(Some of the J family at my brother's wedding in summer of 2008. All but one of my dad's kids are in this picture.)

We also used to have family dinner together every Sunday. And while it got too hard with our kids going to bed so early, it was a nice thing to see. The J family assimilates people. Once they get ahold of you, you are family whether you like it or not. It's a special memory that does make me who I am today.

There was a wedding this fall. Dad got married again to a lovely lady L. She has five children of her own who are still young and it brought a lot of life back to their house. (As if they were lacking with the number of teens they have. Hah!) I haven't had much chance to get to know her, but the times we have talked have been nice.

Notice. I haven't told you how many children there actually are. That is because it will be more fun for me to let them unfold week by week for you. Know this- I will skip out on extras (siblings by marriage) for the time being. In a couple of weeks you will start to meet the siblings and I want you to know that they are blood siblings. Trust me, it's hard enough to keep those ones straight.

If you are doing the math then you will realize that some of the siblings are half...if I didn't include those, then you would only get one brother...I forget that I even have "half" in there. When it's that way your whole life, you don't really even think about those details. Especially the siblings that I lived with full time (Mom's side).


Well, that's enough for today. Have a great weekend!

I Think the Baby is Trying to Tell Me Something

We have a dog.


We have a baby.


These are not new facts to you if you have been reading the meet the family posts. I just needed to refresh your minds.

Babies crawl around on the floor (or roll around and bobble back and forth as the case may be). That's how they get from here to there before they can walk. They play. On the floor.


You got that part?

Okay, and dogs, like our golden retriever Lily, well they shed a little here and there. Or a lot.

So, today I was vacuuming the floor and Smiles, who was sitting on the couch with his Uncle, started to clap. Does that mean that I should vacuum more often? Perhaps the baby would like to keep his sweaty little hands free of dog hair.


Unfortunately for Smiles I have to break the news to him. Mommy can't vacuum four times a day, which is what it would take to keep the floor free of hair.


Guess you're gonna have to learn to walk Smiles. I have faith in you.

Speaking of Sprouts

Sprouts. Today I wanted to talk to you about sprouts and their benefits to your diet. They are an amazing type of food and their benefits are great.

When you eat food there are quite a few things you are looking to get from it. Sprouts have pretty much all of these things. I was reading a couple of weeks ago that you could get all of your daily nutrients from 6 cups of sprouts (different types of course). This means everything you need. This is not to say that I recommend you give up your normal diet and only eat sprouts, it's just to give an illustration of how great sprouts are. Most people don't get enough of their daily nutrients at all.

A sprouted seed or grain is much higher in vitamins and minerals than the seed itself. When sprouting occurs, the seed/grain digests itself and releases all it's nutrients for growth. (FYI...I am not an expert, so I could be a little off. If you want to look into it you can check my good friend Google.) I do know that some sprouts have a vitamin content up to 500% more than the full grown version. No I didn't accidentally get an extra 0 in there. Most are at least 3-6 times higher.

As you probably already know, getting your nutrients in live form is way healthier for you than a supplement. When you are eating live foods it gives you chlorophyll, and enzymes that clear your body of the toxins it produces. Sprouts are extremely easy to digest because the plant has already done the work for you. They also contain high concentrations of RNA, DNA, protien and essential nutrients which you can only get from living cells. It seems that because of this, sprouts may be a little tiny fountain of youth =).

Here is another awesome thing about sprouts, they grow in any climate at any time of year and only take a couple of days from start to harvest. AND...they actually grow further in nutrients after harvest as opposed to other fruits and vegetables that start losing nutrients as soon as they are picked.

In the future (read- when I get my rear in gear and take some pictures of the process from start to finish), I will post on the process of sprouting at home. I just might start that tonight. In the mean time, you should check out the benefits of sprouts for yourself. Just go and Google health benefits of sprouts or something like that. You will be amazed at what you find.

How do you use them? You can just add them in to your other foods. My favorite is to LOAD them up on my sandwiches instead of lettuce. They taste awesome (in my opinion) and they are wonderful for you. My current favorite is a sandwich with avocado, tomato, broccoli sprouts, and alfalfa sprouts on a wrap (Ezekiel 4:9 wraps are really good or just some form of whole grain tortilla) and add a little mayo and Goulden's mustard. You won't be sorry you tried that my friend. If you want to skip out on the mayo it's still great with a little olive oil and red wine vinegar. I like to shake things up a bit sometimes.

Now get to sprouting!

On an update note, I was doing very well with my healthy eating and my energy levels were higher than I can remember them being in years. This is just from a few weeks of healthy improvements starting back at the end of January. Due to Curly's birthday, I ate some irregular food like cupcakes and sugar laden things, as well as going out to eat at Red Robin. I am now sick...pretty darn sick. I would say they are related because before we changed our eating habits we were sick quite a few times as well. I think that had we made it farther before having a birthday set back it wouldn't have made a very big difference, but since we are early in our journey of changing our eating habits our bodies are still getting rid of many years of bad eating toxins.