Isn't it interesting when you realize how God's Word is truly alive! He speaks through His written word, just as He speaks by the Spirit. It's amazing.
I have to be honest with you. While most of the time I have been blessed with faith to trust in His timing and that He WILL provide as He has said He will, it can be a little difficult. Most of the time I have little thought of the financial status of our adoption (which I PRAISE Him for because I am prone to worry and stress over little things, let alone the big stuff). From time to time though, as we get closer to the end of the wire...things can get a little hairy. Not like freaking out or developing an ulcer, but thoughts of questioning come in. Some of those questioning thoughts are produced by conversations with people who either directly or indirectly question my faith. Usually well meaning, just not as supportive as needed. Just being honest here.
So tonight I was feeling a bit discouraged. I KNOW that God said He would provide for our adoption. I KNOW that He is faithful to follow through. I KNOW that He wants to grow my faith by waiting and forcing me to trust in HIM and nothing/nobody else. I KNOW that if I am faithful to wait upon Him, He WILL provide. And really that's what I want. I want to live the kind of life that requires me to trust Him. A life where if He doesn't come through for me- I am up that creek with no paddle and three holes in my boat. That's what I want. That's what He is giving me.
But, while I want that in my heart, my head is not so easily connected with that. So...sometimes I question myself. I question whether or not I heard Him correctly. I question whether or not He really cares enough about my little life to follow through without forgetting. I question whether my faith is enough.
And guess what? It's okay. Cause it's not about me at all. Following Jesus is NEVER about what I can do. It's always about what HE can do. My life is about bringing Him glory, nothing more. So...do you think it brings Him more glory if I breeze through every challenge I come to? Or does it bring Him more glory if I have some trouble and have to call on Him even for the faith to continue trusting Him? You guessed it. In my weakness HE is strong.
So, because of His compassion my daily reading spoke in big ways to my heart. He always has a way of speaking through the planned reading too. No need for flipping around folks, just keep going with the normal reading. Earlier today I read Matthew 13, so tonight I decided to read a little more and was in Matthew 14. Here is a recap of what was said:
v. 17- The disciples said to Jesus that they only had five loaves of bread and two fish when Jesus asked them to feed 5,000 men and their women and children. He told them to bring the food to him, and there was more than plenty to feed them all.
HE IS ABLE TO PROVIDE EVEN WHEN THERE ISN'T MUCH TO WORK WITH.
v. 28 starts the story of Peter walking on the water. Sometimes I feel like we hear the stories so much that they can loose their potency. Peter asks to be called out on the water. Jesus calls Him. Peter walks out. BUT...
"But, when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!' Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. 'You of little faith,' he said, 'why did you doubt?'"
Peter could have kept walking on the water if He had focused on Jesus and kept his eyes off of the wind and lack of calm. But also notice how Jesus was right there the whole time and the moment Peter lacked the faith necessary, Jesus saved him. Immediately. He also confirms that Peter's doubt is what caused Him to begin to sink. Doubt is a dangerous thing. Thankfully my Jesus is here to lift me up when I fall. He sends me His words when I am starting to doubt and He encourages me when I need it. Sometimes He lets me go until I reach the point of breaking, but I know he is always there to catch me.
2 months ago