Wednesday, September 2, 2009

A Glimpse into a Conversation with My LORD

Holy. Holy. Holy. Holy is the LORD God Almighty.

I've heard those words a thousand times. My voice has proclaimed them...knowing that they are true, yet aware that I don't grasp what that means. Yet somehow today they are different. Different than they were last night. Somehow I feel a little smaller in Your wake, yet more aware of the uniqueness of Your love for me.

And how messed up is that?!? It makes no sense that it takes YOU reaching out to me...You opening up my eyes to YOUR takes that to cause me to love You. It's totally mixed around, backwards, cooky. I should be the one trying in vain to get Your attention. And this little speck of dust (yet that's not even small enough in comparison to the difference in our size)...well, you shouldn't even be able to see me without some type of aid for Your eyes. YET, You love me. You know all about me and feel about me as young love caught up in the moments of fresh anticipation of each moment spent together. And that feeling's not temporary, it's forever.

I can't understand that. And it feels WRONG to even write that. But You said to, so I will.

You spoke to me, about me specifically. You told me how special my smile is to You. You said that you made that a special part of who I am. You designed it special for You, to bring YOU joy. You told me that You were proud of the way you created me. And I fully understand what that means. It doesn't mean that I had any part in the things that You are proud of. You look at YOUR work and see the parts untainted, the being that YOU created. And just as my smile had nothing to do with me, the parts of me that have been cleaned up are the work of Your hands. All the good parts of me are the work of Your gentle hands, shaping me into the woman that You would have me be.

I've heard people say that You don't care about the details of what I do everyday. You have a main purpose for me, but the way I decide to do that is of no matter to You. I don't know if I agree. The more control I give to You, the more pleased I am with the results. Maybe I have more work for You to do than others. My once wretched heart that still thinks in the old ways more often than I would like might have been worse off than some. All I know is that I want to give You more. I don't always know how to do that, but You even use the moments where I fail to tell me something. You knew and know where I will not follow through. You speak to me through it and give me millions of chances to try again.

Lord, who is like You? Really. I get that statement! Nobody is like that. You have got to be CRAZY! You are not right in the head or something. But that tells me that I am not right in the head, because I was made to be in Your image and I should be like YOU.

And then, when You show me your love I start to feel so special to You that I have no comprehension of how You could really love all of Your children like that. Seriously. How can one ever hold enough love that strong in their heart? Your heart has to be as big as the heavens themselves. You must just be one huge heart, that's the only way I can even fathom You coming close. Yet I still can't. I guess that's why I get a little jealous from time to time about Your love. It's like I really don't believe that You can love very many people quite this much. My faith is to small for You. And then I get a little jealous because I want to hold on to what You showed me and I fear that it will be split when shared with more people. Yep, I fear that if someone else discovers that You love them THIS MUCH, then it will take away from the depth of Your love for me.

But that's not true at all. That's the opposite of the truth, isn't it. The more I share Your love, the more it multiplies for me. At least, I see more of it then.

Is there someone specific that You wanted to read this Lord? That You wanted me to tell that the way You love my smile and created it to bring YOU joy is the way You love special things about them...and that You want to tell them specifically about what part of them is made special?

I know. Just like You know that I like to finish the questions that You have answered at the moment that I start to speak them. You're just awesome like that God.

...then sings my soul, My SAVIOR GOD to great thou art. HOW GREAT THOU ART!


Laurel said...

Beautiful! Thanks for sharing!


Melissa said...

On Sunday when I was worshipping and just LOVING my God and Saviour I felt a little jealousy. It was fleeting and I immediately thought "But, yet, I want others to Know you Lord!" I've been thinking on that since then and am thinking it's pretty cool that I am not the only one who has ever felt that way. Gonna have to think on this some more :)

Great post! thank you for sharing!