Pure Mommy Extract

New Location

2011-09-12T14:38:00.000-07:00

The blog will be up and going again, but in a new location.

Visit puremommyextract.com to follow our family on our new adventures.

Submission and Complaining (otherwise known as "venting")

2011-03-13T22:04:00.000-07:00

I'm not quite sure how to write this post. And I know it isn't going to come out perfect. And I know that I will have lots of people all offended at it... But it's heavy on my heart and it's important to me to share it.

I will start by saying that this post is directed to my sisters in Christ. Those that have not placed their lives at the feet of God, professed to live for Him and die to self- you are not who this post is directed toward. You may grow from the things I am going to share as well, but it is directed toward those who have placed their faith in the One who paid for their imperfection.

My husband was recently on a men's retreat with the men of our church. During the time he was gone, I spent time in prayer for the men who lead us, and the women they serve. I prayed for our men, but I also prayed for their wives. I asked the Lord what things were out of balance, what things I, as a wife, could do to help my husband. I have heard plenty of concern from wives about their husbands not being strong leaders in the home, especially by way of spiritual leadership. I believe that if we go about this in a mature direction, in hopes of actually solving the problem, we must seek the Lord about what our part in this is. What have I done that has helped this problem exist? And what can I do to help change it?

Well, the Lord gave me some answers to this question for me. While they may be directed toward me, I believe that they carry over for many women, thus the reason for this post.

First, He showed me that my perspective was askew...like, backwards in fact. I've been living with my own set of dreams for our family, seeking our path from the Lord, seeking where He wants to take us as a family. Does this sound a little backward to anyone? For some, it may seem about right...but well, that's not exactly my job. I am to pray for our family and seek the Lord on what I should be doing, but that should fit within the bounds of my husband's dreams and goals. You see, woman was created for man. I was created to be his helper, not the other way around. But my culture has caused me to believe that is settling and living under a man's oppression, when in fact, it is not. I wasn't leaving my husband out of those dreams and goals, I wasn't directing him...but I have had vision of where we would go as a family. And I feel like this part is coming out wrong, but I don't know how else to say it.

I was created to help my husband in his dreams. I was made for him. For him. To help him. Does that mean I am not my own person? Not at all. I don't have to ask his permission for every little thing. But my main focus should be seeking the ways that I can help further my husband's calling. That IS my calling. Can I have other calls on top of that? Of course. But they cannot scratch out the first one. I am wife. I am mother.

There are situations where a man is not living within the dreams and goals of the Lord. That is why it is so important for a young lady to choose a man who is living the direction she wants to be going. But God is not outside of redeeming those who have made an unwise choice. There is just much more work and discomfort in the process. But that is not my point for this post. If a husband is not dreaming with Godly perspective, then we reach point number two.

The second thing I was convicted in is complaining. This is often referred to as venting, though there are other things we call complaining as well. All of which are talking about the one we should respect in a negative way without the intention of resolution. That means resolution through that conversation. There are times when I think it is important to discuss issues with our mentor or a counselor, but to vent to friends is normally not done in a way that is directed at solving the problem. It is not done to self examine, nor to ask for Godly advice. "Venting", as I am talking about it, is for the purpose of "getting it off my chest".

God spoke to me clearly regarding this. He said, "Don't complain. Contend."

Those words have been through my brain time and time again since I heard them. Don't complain. Contend. I am still amazed at every prayer the Lord answers for me, even though He answers my every prayer. I don't understand that, but that doesn't change the fact that I was brought to tears today by a prayer so specifically answered. Tears and a desire to jump up and down and hug Jesus. Literally. I wished I could. So, to contend on my knees will get me much farther than I will go if I complain. And I want change! I don't want people to feel sorry for me (though sometimes I must admit, in the moment I do), I want actual change.

The Bible talks many times about our words and taming the tongue, refraining from speaking. Check out Proverbs and you will get plenty right there, though that's not your only proof. So, I need to take care in the things that I say about my husband, and really anyone. I feel that this carries over to other relationships as well. Don't complain, contend!

Every time I am frustrated, every time I want to complain, or just "vent" about my husband, my prayer is that I would stop and contend for him on the level of prayer. To complain is a disservice to my husband and to God, but to contend is a great blessing. To have a spouse that battles in prayer for me when he sees something that I am falling short in would be the greatest gift I could ever receive (notice I didn't say he points it out every time). For I believe in the power of prayer. I believe that whatever I ask in my savior's name, he will give me.

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24 (and read the story before about the fig tree starting at verse 12...when I read that I was thinking- what the heck? Why did Jesus curse the tree? It wasn't fig season, the tree was doing what it was supposed to. It seems silly...what is your opinion of why? (I'd just like to know on that one...)

If you say, "Yes, but I have many things I have asked for and not received..." then check those prayers against James 4:2,3 "...You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

My sisters in the Lord, I ask that you look at these things I have been convicted of and see if they match up with any sin in your own lives as well. I believe that we would grow much in the body if our men would rise up and we, as women, would step aside and allow them to do it.

O Lord, soften our hearts and transform the way we interact with our husbands. Bring change to our lives that we may better reflect You and bring You glory.

Things They Can Check Off Their Lists...

2011-02-03T23:47:00.000-08:00

Be really cute.

Be silly with Mom.

Snuggle cute baby sister.

Watch a few movies from the library.

Dance on the mattress that Curly brought out to the dining room while singing into a toy nail.

Be "cheesy" while baking.

Lick a knife...just to make Gramps proud.

"Cook" on the couch and be really cute while doing it.

Sneak in a bite of the cookies we are decorating WHILE SITTING ON GRANDMA'S LAP! Way to stop him Grandma!

All have a try at Grandma's glasses.

Be stealth and sneaky on Curly's top bunk. (With Mommy and Daddy right there.)

Play with the new fire truck from Christmas in the hall.

Play with the baby Grandma knitted for me.

Win Mommy's heart again and again.

Learn to sit alone.

Decide that cars should be played with in the window sill and do it every. single. day.

Keep on rockin the drool.

Play with sister. (big or little depending on who you are)

Sort colors and stuff...oh wait, I'm only 8 months old.

Learn to crawl.

I. Have. No. Clue.

Be the coolest thing to hit Grandma's coffee table since sliced bread.

Feed the baby with your bare hands.

...then proceed to run away like you just did something life threatening.

Yep. They've been checking lots of stuff off their to do lists. I hope you are all being as productive.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-24T17:00:00.000-08:00

From our family to yours.

(Click to view larger)

And the Birthday Cookie

2010-12-17T22:30:00.000-08:00

Handsome had his birthday yesterday as well. I, apparently not thinking, made him a cake with Curly. HE made this for himself.

...which would be a giant molasses cookie. He also thought up the tree with the star "embossing" himself. I love my silly husband!

Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall...

2010-12-17T22:16:00.000-08:00

Who is the drooliest baby of all?

...I think the jury has it easy this time.

ROCK THE DROOL BEARD BABE!

You Can Thank Gramps...

2010-12-13T15:35:00.000-08:00

You can thank my Gramps for the photos. He's got your back...and after the phone call yesterday, pestering me for photos of the kids, I figured I could take a minute to upload a few from the last few months. Who knows, perhaps I will go ahead and do some more for him every once in awhile. So...enjoy some eye pleasure if you choose.

And just for kicks, I'll share with you that as Curly was sitting with me here on the couch she stuck her toe up to her mouth and said, "Mom, look at this!" and started sucking her toe. I promptly told her to take it out because that is GROSS and she added, "It actually tastes kinda good. It tastes fruity...like fruit or something!" The stories sure haven't stopped around here =).

Miraculous

2010-11-27T01:28:00.000-08:00

I am reflecting, Gumby girl. I am reflecting on you. Just a year ago we were preparing to meet your beautiful face. I would say this Thanksgiving is the most thankful one that we have had. We've been blessed with two new daughters and a whole lot of lessons in the things that matter. Gumby, last year I had no clue what I was getting myself into! No clue the work that God was about to do in my life and the lives of our family. You are changing me. God has used you to change me.

My daughter, you have taught me more about unconditional love than any other human being I've ever met. You love, dear girl. You love without discrimination, you love without holding back, you love the way that our Lord loves. You show me daily what it means to love. You share and spread joy to everyone that passes blessedly by your glance. And you impress me. You do not accept rejection. That is so profound to me. When I realized that seemingly small thing, I was dwelling on it for weeks. You do not accept rejection, you continually love when the rest of us would shut the door. You love as God loves. You love based on existence, not based on anything else... and you don't care if you are loved back. And you know what? Your heart always wins them over. You love the socks off of them until they realize that they can't walk away from you... and they can't help but love you back.

And power. You taught me the true power of love. Love changes people, it truly changes lives. It is natural for me to love Curly, Smiles, and Baby...but you, well, that wasn't natural. And we've grown it, we've grown love for one another, we're still growing love and we are learning how to really live as family, as mother and daughter. You changed and grew so much in our first months home, and you still do. Your growth is rapid, it is amazing. You amaze me. You have changed the hearts of our family, each and every member. You've changed hearts in our community. You brought love to our lives.

Darling girl, you sing so sweetly. I love the moments when you think nobody can hear and you sing your precious songs. I can't wait to hear more of that! Your words are developing so nicely and I am anxious to have clear verbal communication with you.

Yep. A year ago, I had no clue. To be honest, I knew I had no clue...I just didn't know how far my cluelessness went. Really, I'm pretty sure that I still don't have much of an idea of what I was getting into. But I have years to learn all of that, and I am content to spend those years slowly learning all that you have to teach me. I thank your Father for sending you to us. I thank Him for keeping you the first nearly five years and growing you perfectly in His own two hands. I am far from a perfect Mommy, but the four of you are patient teachers. I appreciate your grace.

To say that we are the blessed half of this mix is a meager description at best. Your effect on this family is eternal.

I love you sweet Gumby girl.

~Mah MEEE

A Break from My Break for a Boy

2010-10-16T23:25:00.000-07:00

I want you to meet Tanner. He is a three year old little boy that I just met on Reece's Rainbow.

Everybody say, "Hi Tanner!"

So, yes. I am off the internet...but there are exceptions because rules can mess things up if we don't view them for the intent of the "rule" instead of just seeing them as law. Tanner is worth the exception. Am I right?

Today Smiles and I went to a birthday party. It was a party for a little guy who has an older brother and lots of family, so when I asked his mother what to get him, she just told me that he doesn't need anything and has everything that he needs. Well, I understand how she feels, because I get so tired of adding to the stuff we have in our house, stuff that the kids don't often play with. BUT, and I am sure you all hear me on this, I can't just bring nothing to the kid. It's just not right. So, I told her I would figure something out. Now, as I thought about it, I decided that we would check Reece's Rainbow and try to find the right child to give a gift to in little dude's honor.

I went online and quickly decided to look for a child with a birthdate close to his, and this little guy is two days before our birthday boy, October 14th. When I saw his little face I fell for it and that sly little dimple and I knew that he was our kid. We chose, we donated, we moved on. Or so I thought.

But friends, this little guy has no money in his grant fund yet and, well, that's not good enough. Our donation (which will change the zero once it shows up) is not enough. My heart smiles to see this little smile with it's precious dimple. He needs us to raise up some funding for his family. For that matter, he needs a family. I can't just let his face become another face. I know too well what joy a forgotten child can bring to a home and I can't just stop at my financial ability. This is where you come in.

God has a family for Tanner. We know from experience that the power of these little keys we use so often is great. The reach of our passion is limitless when it is matched with the will of God. Is it God's will that Tanner find a family? I have no doubt. Lets do this again friends. It's not about pity, it's not about finding a family willing to sacrifice for a child to find a home. This is about letting the word flow so that Tanner's family can find him. Tanner's family is out there. They are here at our fingertips, we just have to type a message out and leave it on the counter for them to see. If we don't spread the word, we are holding out on THEM.

If my child was missing, I would want any and all people who saw him to report it, to let it be made known that they saw him so that I could follow the trail to find him. Tanner's is found! Now we just have to reach his family to let them know that we have found their missing son so that they can fight for him, so that they can go and GET him. Yes, they will save him from a terrible situation. Yes, this rescue mission will be an exhausting process at times. BUT, it is not one to be thought of as selfless sacrifice for a stray child. Tanner is worth it. Tanner is part of their family and his family is also LOST without him. His family is incomplete, and the longer we wait to help them find him, the longer the time they are stuck apart, waiting to be united.

Smiles sang with his Daddy and I tonight, "I once was lost, but now am found. Was blind, but now I see." Amazing grace.

Lord, I admire you. You change me. I used to be blind, my eyes were closed to your ways, your will, and your love. I was blind to the possible by a belief of the impossible. Now I see. I see the boundaries between possible and impossible do not exist. You are sincere and unstoppable in your pursuit of your children. I have been freely pursued by my Forever Father, so I will freely be a conduit for connecting this family as you have asked.

By now, you know the drill friends. What do you do?

-Spread the word, Tanner has been found

-Pray for him and his family, that they would be connected soon

-Help raise his funds for his family's rescue mission. They WILL find a way, you can ease their burden so that their hearts can be focused on their son.

-Spread the word about raising funds for his rescue

Just in case you don't know how to donate to Tanner's fund:

Go here. Click on the donate button. Specify that your donation is for Tanner in orphanage 17. All of your money goes straight to Tanner's adoption.

Thank you friends. I miss you all, and let me tell you, God is doing some big things around here and I am excited to share with you eventually. Right now is not yet the time, but I'm excited for when I DO get to share more of our lives with you again. Currently things are in an interesting, "I don't know what is going to be right around the curve..." phase. I am happy to be obedient and stay off the internet for now. It's been really good for our family at this moment in time. I might be back to advocate a little for Mr. Tanner here, and I'll update you if I get any news on him. Just know that you may be far more likely to know what is going on before I do...you know, since I won't be around that much to check on him.

The Truth

2010-09-02T01:54:00.000-07:00

Jesus. There is power in that name. Power in the name of Jesus. When His name escapes from my lips there is a sudden surge within my bones. I know that He is God.

Don't forget Him. Don't forget Jesus. Spirituality is nothing. Nothing without the power of Christ behind it. Your head may grow in information, but do not be deceived. Without Christ it matters none. Spirituality matters nothing without Truth, and the TRUTH is that because of Adam you were born destined to please self and forsake the God who created you. The truth is that your eternity was at risk, an eternity without the presence of the only One who can fulfill you and make you whole. You were on a path toward an empty eternity, broken and filled with sorrow and hatred. But. But your Creator had mercy. He meant what He said when He saw what He had made and said that it was good. He wasn't going to let a lie cloak His Truth. Where the arrogant serpent sought to kill the Truth with one poison arrow, believing that his efforts were the end all for God's plan, God proved His Supreme Authority. None is wiser than He. None more perfect in all ways. Compassion, though in it's purest form always equals great pain, is in His character, and out of that compassion He proved the liar wrong. Compassion comes out of great LOVE. And God IS love. God doesn't do love, He IS love.

Without God, you are destined to live eternity without Love. The absence of God is the absence of Love. Where Love is not, resides hatred and malice and selfishness and disgusting filth that is fatal. The absence of Love is death. The absence of God is death. They are one and the same. You were created for Love. You will admit that you NEED Love, you can see the power of Love and how Love creates change.

The world recognizes Love and a need for Love. Why then, do so many reject the Truth, that they need God? NEED. You need God, you don't just do better with Him, you NEED HIM. Without Love you die. Without Him, you die.

And so He came. He came to do what we could not. He came into the world as a man and lived without sin. He lived without sin that He might crush the power of death by being Love. Death could not hold Love (Acts 2:24). Death could not hold God. Therefore death could not hold Christ, for he is God. And He rose. He spewed up out of the mouth of darkness as death itself was defeated. And now we have options. We can choose to let Love in, or we can reject Love and surrender to death. It has been bestowed on us, the option to live or not to live. It takes none of our own efforts to receive Love, just our words. Powerful words. It takes the surrender of your mouth to utter the words to death, to say that it cannot have you because you accept LOVE instead. It does not hurt to speak those words, they are painless. But death seeks to keep you, for you are a tasty morsel to savor. His teeth are sharp and painful. Death lies in shadow and hides from the Light, his only power is lies. Death wants you to think you don't need Love, that Love can do nothing for you, and even that Love has caused your pain. For if you really know the power of Love...if you really know that you only need Love to escape death, then death has lost its power. There is nothing death hates more than loss of power. Make no mistake about it, death seeks to eat you up and chew each bit of flesh slowly with its sharp jagged teeth. Death, which we recall as absence of Love, cares nothing for you. Death hates you. But death is selfish and wants to keep you from Love, because death HATES LOVE. Do you see it? Do you see why? Can you understand the pattern? Death hates Love just as death hates you. Death wants to strip you from the hands of Love so that there is less Love. Where there is less Love there is more death. And death cares only for itself.

But Love is perfect. Love is The Truth (John 14:6). The Truth will set you free (John 8:32). Christ will set you free (Galatians 5:1). It is unmasked and plain for you to see if you will simply strip death of its power by accepting Love. Speak to death and announce it as a liar. Exposing death is to shine Light on the lie. Darkness cannot exist in Light (1 John 1:5). Darkness cannot exist in God. Where Light goes, along with it comes Love. God is Light (1John 1:5). God is Love (1 John 4:8). Love covers all sins (Proverbs 10:12). God covers all sins. So, we see how God can be Just, yet we can be free of sin, which is death. God is Just because He requires retribution for sins, but we are covered because Love (God) covers all sins. You admit that you are not perfect. Admit that you need love. ACCEPT LOVE. For Love is waiting for your acceptance. And Love has the power to transform (Romans 12:2). And when you truly and fully accept Love, you WILL be transformed.

Changes Brewing

2010-08-28T15:05:00.000-07:00

There are some changes taking place in our family, big changes. And no, we are not adding another family member at the moment for those that had that as a first thought.

I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to word this and it's just not coming. So, I'm going to get straight to the point. I, personally, am going to be taking an extended leave from the internet. That means blogs, Facebook, and e-mail, research...everything. I've been convicted about where my time goes and a lot of it is wasted on the internet. As a people, I believe that so often we come up with millions of reasons why we can't do this or can't do that, when in reality our busy schedule is very unnecessary. I know that for me, the time that I spend on Facebook, e-mail, blogs, and research (even for good things) eats up a lot of my time. While it's not something that I feel I need to give up forever, I do feel that it needs to be taken out of my life for an extended period of time so that I can focus on the things that matter. Top priorities first and when those are balanced then I might add some internet time back in. Honestly, I don't know how much I will add it back in. When we got rid of TV we wondered what the heck we would do with the time! Now we wonder how we wasted so much time in front of a screen watching meaningless stuff. I believe that it held me back from stepping into the fullness of who God has called me to be. It was a great distraction.

What is it that really matters? Well, my family matters of course, and they are getting my time already. Sure, sometimes in the morning I will check e-mail, and naptime can have some moments for getting online, but really that's not where the bulk of my issue lies.

People matter. Sharing the gospel and pouring into peoples lives is what matters. Building relationships that are deep enough to feel you are able to call on each other for anything is what matters. We were built this way. Often it's the things that are not shared directly that cause change in our lives. Would you agree? There are times when advice is given to me that I listen to and make changes accordingly, but I think that some of the most powerful changes I have made in my life and in my thoughts come from watching what the Lord is doing in someone else's life, from being around them and seeing changes in them. It is often unspoken things that have the most power. So, while I love sharing with you here, you are only getting part of me. You aren't seeing as much of my weak side as you would in real life (because I can't share with you what I'm not aware of for one thing). The Lord is really speaking to me about investing time in people. People that are here in my very close proximity community. Not 20 minutes away, more like within 5 minutes or so.

We recently started going to church in a new location. The small church that we attended previously dissolved and one thing that was very important to me (and Handsome agreed, but wasn't caring as much as myself) was that we attend very close to our home. It was important to me that we live near our new building so that we had a greater chance of connecting with people that live RIGHT HERE. People that we have more ability to spend face time with so that we can connect the way we were meant to connect. I am not able to place my hand on the shoulder of a person over the internet. I cannot look into your eyes when we speak and ask if I can pray for you. There are just things that are not possible to do in this venue. Things that are very important. Things that I think we are getting farther from all the time. While this location for church is not exactly what I had in mind in some areas, I KNOW that it's where we are supposed to be right now. And things are happening. God is using this new connection. And it's exciting. It can also be said that it is stretching me (but not by negative events, by good ones).

So, what am I saying? I'm saying that I feel strongly that the Lord wants me to focus on creating strong relationships with people that are near us. Discipleship if you will. For my growth. For their growth.

Couldn't I do that while not going offline? Aren't I being a little extreme? Well, I wondered those same things and tested to be sure that this was not from my own mind, but from the Lord. I do feel confident that it is. You see, there are many people in our lives that can be ministered to. SO MANY! There are many people that can minister to us. BUT. But it's about quality, not quantity. I read recently about how Jesus chose 12. He chose 12 men to pour his time and teaching into. 12. That's it. God himself in human form chose to limit himself to 12 men. He really lived day in and day out focused on growing them, teaching them the things of God so that they in turn could go out and pour into others. Teaching is important, but investing your time, your LIFE into others is what creates change. And I don't just want to be a part of a church who grows in knowledge. I don't just want MY life to grow closer to the Lord. I want to be part of growing the love of God in others! That's what He called us to do. I don't want to be a person who shares the gospel and then leaves much to be desired by way of what to do next. (Some might be called to that, but I know that's not me.)

Can I be honest? I don't think that I can recall one person that I have really shared the gospel with. Ever. You know why? Part of why is because for the longest time I didn't even know how one would do that. I shared parts of what I believe, but I didn't ever feel like I was spreading the kingdom of God. When I invest my time into the depths of a person's spirit, when I spend time in prayer and sharing the deep parts of me and listening to the deep thoughts of them- I feel like I'm doing something. I know that both of our lives are being changed. But it takes time. It takes investment. THAT'S what I want to invest in. I want to invest where it will make the most quality difference. I want the most bang for my time bucks =). When I stand before my Lord one day, I want to know that I did the most that I could with what I had and I am not going to let anything get in the way. I'm not going to let fear, distraction, doubt (of myself or the Lord), or anything get in the way. Show it to me Lord, and I will change it!

He has showed me the wasted time I spend on this box in front of this screen. I will change it. For if we truly fear the Lord, we will make quick changes where they are brought to our attention.

Now, I do have a few things that I want to share with you before I go offline. I am still trying to figure out how to share them and when to do so, but they may still come in the next week or two. After that, I will most likely be offline for the most part for a year or so. I want to give enough time to the change to really see results happen. If the Lord doesn't direct me otherwise, I would like to post after that time to share with you the changes that have taken place in our lives (we have a lot of changes going right now). That is IF anybody remembers us by then =D.

2010-08-19T15:18:00.000-07:00

I was just thinking of how thankful I am. Thankful for so many amazing men and women that God has placed in front of me. I thought I would share some of their awesomeness with you. Is that okay with you? Okay. These are the kind of people that really make good examples of what I want to be like. They reflect the Lord in great ways. I figured that if they help me to see the Lord more clearly, something just might be sparked in you as well.

I was thinking about a young woman that I know that has such modesty and purity. She is so careful about what comes out of her mouth and what she wears. She takes great care in the choices she makes in friends so that she will surround herself with people that draw her closer to her creator instead of constantly being around people that compromise her beliefs. Watching her life and how pure her spirit is has really shown me what longing for holiness looks like. Her choices pay off and she is such a sweet young woman that carries herself in a very gentle way.

Then there is another that is my example of compassion. Her heart is filled to the brim with love for people that she doesn't even know. Well, she knows them now, but her heart was filled with compassion before she even met them. She know resides in Africa taking care of many young children in the name of Christ. At a young age she moved there and started adopting children. BY HERSELF (no husband, no parents, just her and Jesus). Her compassionate heart is an earthly view of the heart of God.

We have an older gentleman at church who is filled with such wisdom. He has perfect answers when people are going through really hard stuff. Something about him just makes you want to be around him for hours soaking in his wisdom. You know those movies with the old man in the shack that people come to seeking answers to the meaning of life and such? You know...they guy who speaks in weird, choppy, abnormal sentences that make the person think deeply to gain that fullness of what he is really saying? Guys kinda like Yoda? Well, he's like that. Except he speaks in real words and he lives in the normal part of town. I sometimes wish I was wise like that.

I know some guys who are working on a construction project that will help many people without homes have somewhere to live. They surely use their talents for God's glory and I have to say that's been speaking to my heart lately. What are my talents and how do I use them for God? Watching them has brought that question to the forefront for me.

Have you ever known someone that is obscenely gentle? Someone filled with "make you sick" gentleness and peace? Someone that you just want to tick off so that you can see they are human?!? No? Oh. Me neither. But I DO know someone like that. And I love to be in her presence because her peace just takes over you and it's so much easier to be peaceful when she is around.

I know a guy who is at war right now. He isn't just doing it because he gets paid to. He isn't just your normal soldier. This guy is filled with righteous anger. He wants to free the oppressed. He has a passion for bringing justice to people's lives. THAT'S why he is fighting. He is inspiring and has such a way of filling you up with a passion for what is right. He makes your desire to do things the right way. There is a spark and fire for justice that is contageous! I tell ya, he'll make y'all want to set some captives free!

You know what else inspires me? The honesty of children. Not just the honesty by way of calling people fat and telling them their breath stinks, but how they are honest about themselves. "Did you do _____?" "Yes." they say with a guilty, sad face. The honesty of children inspires me too.

Then, then there is my husband. He knows me better than I feel like I know myself sometimes. He will be honest with me about things that I don't even see in myself. I love that about him. I love how he knows what I need more than I could express it and how he often does exactly what I need to make me feel better. He sees that I've had a rough day a does the dishes for me. I don't have to ask. We had a time at church where the pastor broke us into groups and one person was supposed to pray for the group. He says that he believes that the person praying for the group will hear word from the Lord on what to pray. I believe that too...but I don't necessarily want to DO it! But, my husband is my leader. I must submit to him and he knows that I need to grow comfortable with praying for other people...so he suggested that I do it. And, I did. He knew it would be uncomfortable for me, but he also knew it was best for me. I might have been shaking afterward for a little bit because of it, but I did hear from the Lord! And a man that was in our prayer circle gave his life to the LORD that day!

Now tell me, what do people like that do to you? I'll tell you what they do to me, they make me want to be more like them. They inspire me. They rile up the inner parts of my spirit. They change my demeanor when I am with them. They are the kind of people I want to surround myself with.

Now. Let me tell you something else.

Most of those people aren't even real. A few of them are real and some are based on some truths, but most are not actual people. The thing is, they are easy to think of in human terms. We can see that in our minds and grasp what those people are like. It's easy to praise them.

Do you catch my drift?

Sometimes God is so much beyond our comprehension that it's hard to really praise Him. I'm sure plenty of people out there are beyond this, but for any that have been like me, I thought it might be helpful to share this picture that God gave me to help me relate to His awesomeness more.

Did anyone come to your mind when I spoke of the pure young lady? God is more pure. 1,000 times over. He is HOLY and clean. There is not one tiny speck of unholiness in Him. Do you believe that?

What about the young woman serving in Africa? The one who brings hope to so many lost? Did you think of someone compassionate as she? (Did you think of the young Katie who actually lives that?) God's compassion is far greater than hers. He sacrificed intensely beyond what she has given up to serve the ones He loves. Do you believe that?

The old Yoda man? (I thought of Yoda after my last post =)...) God's wisdom is perfect and He is ready and trying to share it with you! God WILL speak to you. Listen for his wisdom and guidance. If you belong to Him, He WILL speak to you. If that weren't true, he would not have said that His sheep know His voice. Do you believe that?

Builders. Men who use their hands to bring forth great buildings or buildings that serve many people...men stand in awe of what their hands have made. God's work is perfection. The work of men leaves destruction in it's path. It lasts for a time and then is gone. God's work is forever. It works together in harmony. When something God has made breaks or begins to die, it doesn't turn into junk. It just becomes something else. When a tree falls, it becomes a nurse log. When milk (real raw milk) starts to go sour, it turns to yogurt. When an animal dies it becomes food for another. ...and so on. God built perfection. Do you believe that?

God is gentle. When we come into His presence His peace overcomes us to the core. We need time with Him. We need to be with Him so that we will grow in peace and gentleness. It is something that will transform you. It will transform me. Do you believe that?

God is just. He has a heart for justice and does not leave the oppressed there all alone. Sadly, we praise men for that, valiant men who bring freedom. But what about God. God has brought ultimate freedom. He brings justice for the wronged. He sets captives free. Free from the physical things that bring troubles, and freedom from the things that have held us on a totally deeper level. He will free you from anger, He will free you from fear, He will free you of self hatred, He will free you of pride. He will set you free of it all. Do you believe that?

God is not only honest, He IS TRUTH. He doesn't speak truth, He is truth. There is nothing untrue in Him. You can trust anything He says and you can count on Him to speak truth to you. He is a friend that not only speaks truth about where you fall short, He stands beside you the whole way through overcoming. He tells you just what to do to be healed. He never tells you what you want to hear. How about that? Do you believe it?

And the intimate knowledge of who you are...God knows more than all. The ways that I love my husband, the way he does what is best for me even when it is uncomfortable, the way he knows just what I need, the way he comforts me, the way he is always there close by and will drop everything just for me- God is that too. He loves you more intimately than any human being can, he knows you far better than you know yourself. He is worthy of your submission and will lead you into things far greater than what you would ask for yourself. They may look ugly and undesirable at first, but God sees in truth because He is truth. He will guide you into whats best for you if you give Him the chance. Do you believe that? Enough to step out and trust Him with everything even if it looks like a dead end?

Praise Him. Praise Him for who He is. Praise Him for what He has done. Praise Him for no other reason than the fact that He is all in all. He is Alpha and Omega, the source and the ending. He is God!

A Word on Love from the LORD

2010-08-17T07:20:00.000-07:00

So, it is morning time. My children are in bed sleeping and I am quietly drinking my warm cup of coffee. Today the LORD roused me a bit later than yesterday. Yesterday I asked, "Are YOU serious LORD? You want me to get up this early? Surely the baby just needed to eat extra early and I can go back to bed for a little while..." But He said that indeed He wanted me to stay up and have time with Him. And I did.

Yesterday the He gave me some great words. He told me some very important things that included a call that is very long term. One of my lifelong callings. You know, the kind of mission that the LORD gives you that will not be finished in a year or even five, a mission that you are to walk out for an extended period of time... Anyway, it was a morning that left me thanking Him for the very early wakening and I almost felt as though I would have liked more time. Not because there was more to hear, more to do. Just because it's nice to sit out in the quiet with Him longer sometimes.

But I know myself. I know that I do not like to keep up with getting up in the early morning even though I know why it is the best time of day to do it for me.

And I am going to take a second here to explain that because I used to think it was just some rule that someone added saying that you should start your day with the LORD because your day will go better. Now, that might be true sometimes, but getting up in the morning to spend time with Him is not something you should do. Should is a word that means something is done out of the wrong heart. Should will get in the way of you growing a deep love for the LORD every single time, so please do right by yourself and God by letting go of every single should that you have regarding Him. Trust me, if you seek Him then He will bring you back to most of those "should"s later, but your heart will be right about it. And as I was saying, your day will often go well if you spend time with Him in the morning, but that's not why I think it's important. For one thing, that has a ME attitude. It is about what God can do for me...and that's not what it is about. Have you ever noticed how your mind is more in tune with spiritual things at night when you sleep? There is a lot of "noise" in your life that can drown out the things of God, the things of spiritual nature. At night, things slow down and you are not on hyper-stimulus mode, this opens up some room for your ears to actually hear what is going on in the spiritual. So, in the morning, I find that I am more open and can hear God more clearly because I'm more "clear". The waters of my mind and spirit are clear and calm, ready for God to make the first waves. And then...well, then those waves are what directs the rest of the day. Does that make sense?

Okay, so back to the fact that I have shown myself to be lazy sometimes...today it was an hour later than yesterday when I woke. I looked at the clock and said, "Are you serious LORD?! That can't possibly be enough time!" HA! Isn't that just like a human being too? We aren't happy with anything =) So, I got up and made my coffee and started praying over the time we were about to have together and I asked God to give me a stronger love for Him. I said something about having a taste of great hunger for Him and how I know that it is easy for that to dissipate and asked Him to grow that hunger for Him ten-fold. Strangely, He stopped me. I felt a disconnect in the prayer and I'm not sure if that makes sense to you, but I knew He wasn't pleased with that.

"WHAT?! LORD, what can be wrong with that? What don't you like there? I am asking you to grow my love for you...I don't understand."

You know what He said? He said, you are thinking in thoughts that are focused on YOU. He then said, "Out of commitment, real love grows." (Yes, I see how that sounds Yoda-ish...talk to God about that, not me.) He said that love is a choice, which I know. Then he quickened my heart to think of Ana as an example. We did not have true love for her before we met her, and even after we brought her home we were still in the beginning stages of love with her. We made a commitment to be her parents before we loved her and we acted out that commitment, but love didn't come right away. I guess love did come right away because love was that act. Love was being what she needed before we felt connected with her. Love was action based on choice, not feelings. And then the feelings came. And feelings that grow out of an uncomfortable act are very deep.

Just remember, if you make a choice to love God, don't do it because you should.

Daddy Hairstyles

2010-08-13T14:21:00.000-07:00

And that's what happens on OT mornings when Daddy is in charge of hair.

Tonya's Family

2010-08-12T21:30:00.000-07:00

You remember this sweet face?

I don't know why I haven't blogged asking you guys for prayer, but I haven't had the thought cross my mind until today. And then I was like HELLO! Why haven't you done that!

So, Tonya's family is in country right now and has hit some bumps in the road. They are having a different experience than ours by quite a bit and I would appreciate if you all could take a moment right now and pray for them. They didn't have an apartment to rent when they got there and had to get a hotel. They have had a paperwork issue with the family of origin that is turning out to be very difficult and things are taking longer than expected. Please pray that the issues are resolved for them and for the remainder of the process. They have met their little girl and things have gone well with that, so we praise God for His blessing on their connection. She wouldn't hold still enough for pictures last I heard =). She ran into her Mama's arms when they met. That is a blessed moment for a Mommy to have.

Guys, it's a rough thing to be away from family for so long and to be in such a different place doing something that is all legal and in your name when you have no clue what is going on half the time. While there are wonderful moments in country, it. is. hard. It's very emotional. You hit moments when you just long to be home and have your babies in your arms. ALL of your babies. Prayers for that are needed too I am sure. She hasn't told me such, but I know it to be true. I know because I remember it. They are living out a lot of faith. Visibly it is faith in people that they do not even know. But in truth we know that their faith must be in the LORD. He is the one in control and He will make everything what He intends it to be.

Let us battle together on our knees for Tonya's family. Thank you for your prompt prayers friends. I will update on any further information that I can.

You Become the People You Spend the Most Time With

2010-08-12T12:58:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a Mom needs a woman like herself to talk to. A person who is in the throws of child-rearing and has similar situations to her own. I don't exactly have that person at this point, but I hope I meet her.

Sometimes you need a person to spill your moments with who will understand that that doesn't mean you don't have things under control and you are about to fly off the deep end. Someone who understands that the day was all wonderful until that moment (and it can happen in an instant) when everybody needs something all at once and you have three to four screaming bodies that need you and you suddenly revert to the age range that your children fall within and you get the urge to just drop everything, sit on the floor, and sink your teeth into one of them as deeply as you can because you are SO. DONE. and you just want them to stop screaming so you can think long enough to decide who the heck has the highest priority need at the moment...and then the waters are suddenly smooth all over again and tranquility reigns. But. Most people don't understand that.

Because there are moments of chaos- I'm in over my head. I have too many little kids. Or I am doing a great job "under the circumstances". Or, "It gets better than this, I promise."

I don't know that it will get better than this. How can it get better than this? I love this, even if this has moments of intense craziness where I feel like I am literally going to explode if they don't stop...I don't want it to change. And while there are people that understand that I'm not going crazy, and people that get how fun and also insane my life can be, I still sometimes need someone that I can tell about a situation that can say, "I KNOW! Seriously! The other day..." And perhaps that someone can help me to refrain from loosing all sanity someday and becoming like the little people that I spend all your time with...and giving a big hard bite to one of them*.

So for now, know that there are moments of craziness, but they are just that. Moments. The rest of the time we have a lot of fun. And those crazy moments sure are intense.

*I did not bite one of my children. However, the feelings of wanting to bite someone or something HAVE come to me before.

Also, for those that might have thought that Gumby's fat lip happened because I dropped her out of my arms, I'm sorry for writing that unclearly. I was holding her hand and she slipped out as she was falling because suddenly there was her entire body's weight resting in one of my hands and I didn't have a solid grip on her hand.

Look Who's...

2010-08-07T22:36:00.000-07:00

now wearing a 3T and 4T! Miss Gumby has grown a lot since we brought her home. She was wearing a plenty loose 2T when we hopped off that plane and now she is in a 3T bottom and 4T top. Her hair has also changed bundles, from brittle and dry hair that didn't grow very fast, to a silky texture that shines and grows much quicker. How do I know how fast it was growing compared to how quickly it grows now? Well, the frequency of need to cut her bangs of course. And while we're at it, those finger and toe nails are growing WAY faster too.

And this poor little cutie has some other news for you too. This week while we were on our "Tuesday with Daddy" date, she had a little mishap.

While we were walking from curb to parking lot I looked back at Smiles who was doing something (can't even remember now) and she slipped right out of my hand (and if you have a little one with like Gumby you will know what I mean when I say how easily she slips out of your grasp). She fell face first onto the pavement and blood was all over in her mouth. I was SO afraid that I might have knocked out one of her teeth! Luckily Handsome was less troubled than myself and cleaned her up quickly. She was fine enough to walk down to the beach and have a jolly time. It hasn't seemed to bother her since either...other than a little bit of feeling around with her tongue on it. But really, that's pretty expected from Gumby even when there isn't something there to feel.

Clearly it hasn't stopped her from playing and dancing with the other squeezers.

On another note, I realized that I just don't know as many of you as I used to. I used to make an effort to know who read my blog and to try and know at least a little bit about them. I looked at the numbers for the first time in...well, in months...and I realize there are some hiding readers. So, if you would be willing, I would like to know something about YOU. If you are up for it, please leave a comment telling something about yourself, short or long. And if you have a blog of your own, please make sure that I can get there to come and see a little bit about you.

Also, if you have any questions that you would like to ask, please ask away. I'll be sure and answer any of those (so long as they are appropriate ;-).) I realize that I've been off the blog a lot since Gumby came home and you might have questions that I haven't answered. Questions can be about anything and don't have to be adoption related.

I hope to "meet" some of you soon!

~ME

What Happens When You're the Little One...

2010-07-31T08:00:00.000-07:00

Coming Soon...

2010-07-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

Somebody got married...

...and I got to take their pictures =D.

2010-07-29T22:47:00.000-07:00

Tonight you were crying.

Small tears, nothing heavy.

Tonight I came in and grabbed you out of your bed. I filled your drink with more water because that's all you wanted, but then I held you on the floor and rocked you back and forth in my arms.

Tonight you looked up into my eyes and smiled your little grin with your sweet crooked bottom teeth and your eyes that twinkle. It was a smile of pure happiness. A smile that said so much, while saying so little.

Tonight tears filled my eyes as yours drifted off so quickly. Tears knowing how many nights I missed. How many times I didn't get to rock you to sleep when all you really wanted was a simple glass of water.

Tonight I thought of all the times that you needed more than water. When you were scared, when you were sick, when you were hurting. I thought of all the times you needed a Mommy's love and you didn't get to have it. Nights when all you had was you.

Tonight I remembered that you always had Jesus by your side, even when it looked like you were alone. He kept you alive when you could have been lost. He kept you here for my sake, though he could have taken you home for himself.

Tonight I felt thankful. Thankful that He saved you for me. Thankful that I have so many nights ahead, to rock you and hold you and kiss your sweet forehead as you drift off to sleep. Thankful that you are comfortable enough to drift off so quickly in my arms.

Tonight I think my love for you is deeper. Tonight you are even more my child.

2010-07-14T23:39:00.000-07:00

I want you to tell them.

You want me to tell them what?

I want you to tell them about this.

Ummm, no thanks. I would rather not tell them about that, can't I just post some cute pictures of the kids?

It's not all about the fun stuff. You know that. If they only see the fun parts of your life then they will have a mixed up idea of who you are. You have to share all the parts of you to give an honest picture of who you are.

Can't I just tell them I'm getting quite a few more gray hairs?

No. You think that's cool.

Well, they don't know that!

When did you take up lying?

When You asked me to talk about that. I don't want to say that I have an addiction. I don't want to talk about something with that word in it.

...but you just did.

Yeah, but that was with YOU. You already know about that. You already know about all of me and you don't look at that word the same as everyone else.

You should only care about what I think.

I know. And really I do, but when you post something on the internet you always have people who read things wrong...who don't get the whole thing.

And...?

Okay, so I just contradicted myself...
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

There is a part of me that I don't talk about. Information that I like to sweep away from my eyes, as well as yours. I have an addiction. And God wants to get rid of it. The only thing is...it's an addiction. That means that it's overwhelming to think of getting rid of it...and I don't know if I can do it...and I don't want to fail...and it means changing my life...and that looks so hard.

But I'm with you, and you have my Spirit within the very skin that you aren't taking care of. I promised to continue making you more holy when we started this journey.

I know.

Wait...I thought You were done talking here.

I'm never done talking to you.

Good thing, or I'd be in BIG trouble all the time.

Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.

And I thank You for that.

So, this addiction...the thing is, I know it's there. I've known for a long time. I just haven't wanted to do anything about it, well, because WHO does?!? So...God, being as wise as He is, allowed a physical problem to arise that I couldn't ignore. And the symptom isn't the problem, the symptom is there so that I can't pretend like the addiction isn't there anymore. Because I can't ignore physical discomfort like I can ignore the fact that any addiction is unpleasing to God and shows a lack of surrender to His Spirit. And while I will be a work in progress the entire time of my existence on this planet, when He shows me something that He wants gone...it's best to listen.

That's right.

Why are you hesitating to remember that it's to make your life better? It's for you that I free you of things. Not for me. I could go on just fine with you having an uncomfortable physical symptom. You having an addiction doesn't change who I am in any way. I am still holy no matter what sin is in your life. I don't depend on you for anything...but I love you, so I want to give you my best.

I know. I just like to let my mind think that You're depriving me sometimes...because then it's easier for me. It requires humility to recognize something is my own fault. It's more comfortable to blame someone else.

Humility is exactly what I seek in you. Humility is one of the most important parts of drawing closer to me.

Truth. And I love that You always call me out. Even in the middle of typing a blog.

I just want to make sure you're keepin' it real.

I love that too. You know how to make me laugh, even when we're in the middle of facing a giant. So different from the voice of the enemy.

Conviction vs. condemnation. You know it daughter! Guilt comes not from Me. If you feel guilt, if you feel like you can't overcome, if you feel like something you want to wipe off your shoe in the back yard...that's not me. You will do well to remember that my child.

You knew I needed to write to really hear You clearly tonight, didn't You.

Father always knows best *wink*.

Did you seriously just wink?! I can't even see You...and You just winked at me! You've never done that before.

You want predictable?

=D I guess I have the wrong God if I'm looking for that. I'll take the real thing.

So...this sugar thing. Lord, I feel really over my head with it. I have a baby that needs me to be cow free (no dairy) or she spews like mad, and now to get rid of candida problems I have to cut out sugars, fruits, breads, and limit grains- for four to six months...what's left? I don't know how to cook things without any of that. I'm really going to need your help. I don't know if I've ever felt like I was facing a giant anywhere near this big before. My faith was so much stronger in other matters....but I want You to make me more Holy. Lord, wash me of seeing food as anything but fuel for this jar of clay. Detach my unholy feelings from their connection with food.

Don't look at the size of the giant. Look at the size of your God.

You really are......

You can keep looking, but you'll never find them.

Find what?

Those perfect words to describe me. They don't exist.

.........

I love You.

Those are the perfect words.

2010-07-09T20:31:00.000-07:00

Hey guys! Curly here. Grab your pail and shovel, 'cause I'm taking you to the beach!

Gumby has never been to the ocean before. Last week we took her to the Mountain for the first time...this week I thought the ocean would be fun. I let Mom and Dad come too.

I'm pretty sure she liked it.

We even got natural pedicures. Mom says those are the best kind!

Smiles likes crabs just like Daddy.

Baby isn't old enough to play in the sand though. Just us BIG kids. And I'M the biggest.

Daddy and Smiles played out in the waves for a LONG time. I was waiting to show Daddy my "chocolate mocha stir"!

Gumby gets really excited sometimes when she has never seen something. She liked the waves a LOT.

Mom said she wishes Gumby didn't like sand in her mouth so much though. AND she rubbed it in her eyes like Smiles. I told them that wasn't very smart.

Mom and Baby liked sitting in the sand dunes. It was really funny when Mom tried to walk back to the beach though! She kept saying "Ouch! Ouch!" 'cause the sand was so hot. (Well, Mom didn't think it was so funny, but Dad sure did.)

And that's our family day at the beach!

Red, White, and Blue Greetings

2010-07-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

The best we got...

And what the rest of the photos looked like.

Have a fun and safe 4th, from our family to yours!

Tuesdays With Morrie Daddy- Mt. Rainier Edition

2010-07-02T18:45:00.000-07:00

We had our family outing again this Tuesday. For the first time since we got married, we went to our local beautiful mountain. Mt. Rainer is very beautiful and we see it all the time driving around town, but we haven't made the trip to visit since we were both young. We figured it was about time! So, we bought an annual pass so that we can be sure to go more often this year (annual pass is the price of two entries, so if we go twice then it's paid for already).

Our fantastic four on the way up. Poor Smiles taught us that he does not hold food well on winding roads =(. Blueberry bagel luckily doesn't smell so bad when it comes back up.

I love the faces that Gumby gave me that day. She is my easiest to photograph currently. She doesn't turn away as much and isn't as fast as the other two. I must stalk them like prey!

He needs a hair trim again, but MAN do I think that boy is Cuh-Yoot!

You could tell that the deer were in a protected park. My children are not very quiet, but they didn't mind at all. We got very up close with the loud crew and this deer just kept eating his lunch.

Curly saying, "Deer...Deer..."

I love this photo of the three of them!

We did NOT cross the river. HA! Handsome went over the bridge, but it was far too unsafe for the kids when we didn't have enough adults to help them across.

And Baby was of course a good sleeper. I sure do love my Moby, and so does this little miss.

A fun time was had by all. I was very proud of Gumby for attacking the hiking so well. She walked all by herself the whole way. As you may notice in her photos, she was very out of her comfort zone. She has her tongue out when she is unfamiliar or uncomfortable with a place or situation and surely enough, the tongue was out very often. But she faced it anyway, and didn't have many issues. She did let us know that big stumps that are sticking up out of the ground count as VERY scary to her though. (We had a freak out moment walking by some in the woods.) Curly enjoyed her hike and Smiles had no issues, they didn't have to work as hard as Gumby.

Perhaps we will see you next week with another edition of Tuesdays with Daddy. It all depends on if I have time to take photos and share them with you.

Because I love Gramps

2010-06-27T19:30:00.000-07:00

Alternately titled Gumby and Baby's first trip to the beach.

We went to the beach the other day. You have seen photos of this particular beach in the past, but it was during the colder season and the tide was nowhere near this far out. And...well, we only had two kids then.

Gramps has been bugging for some photos, so you can thank him for this post. While I don't have time to blog, I can make time for the old dude that I love so much. He did spoil me with Baskin Robbins a few times in my youth after all. I OWE him =).

(he doesn't know that I took the photo of his naughty trick...and he DID get in trouble for that)

It's not just the boy who likes to get dirty!

The only proof that Baby and I were there that day =).

And that's all I have to say about that.

Smiles and the Ant

2010-06-23T20:14:00.000-07:00

My boy is all boy when it comes to bugs. He somehow finds them in the house and brings them to me. When he was eight months old or so, he caught his first fly in mid air. He loves the bugs.

This afternoon the older three were jumping on the trampoline, when along came a large ant with wings.

Smiles: "Well, hello mister ant! How are you today? I think I'll pick you up in my magnificent pincer grip."

Sisters: "Ahhhhhh! Ohhhhh! Ewwww! SMILES!!!!!!! Ewwwww, a bug!"

Daddy: "What do you have there Smiles? Bring it here."

Ant: "Dude! Who ARE you? And WHY are you holding me by the wings!?! OKAY! OUCH...back to the wings...back to the wings...I'd like to keep my body intact!"

Mommy: "Smiles, bring that to Daddy please. NOW. Smiles...SMILES! We do NOT put that in our ear! NOOOOOO!" turned to Handsome, "GET that away from him NOW, he is putting it IN HIS EAR!"

Smiles, all the while smirking and laughing at his new toy. His face changes from grins to anger and tears as he throws the ant to the ground. Crying comes from our dear Smiles.

Ant: "DUDE! I was NOT going in your ear. You don't taste very good you know...don't you know what a bath is? Oh, wait, I like to eat wood with dirt on it all the time. That red stuff that came out of you sure isn't my favorite though. Anyway, that'll teach you! DON'T MESS with ants DUDE! We will bite back."

Poor Smiles sports his little bloody bite on his ear and learns: You do not put ants in your ears.

Hopefully you can learn from his mistakes and not have to endure this one the hard way like Smiles.

Update on Tonya

2010-06-18T21:17:00.000-07:00

I am so excited to inform you all that Tonya's adopting family submitted their paperwork this week! That means that they are just waiting for a date now for their travel.

Pray for Tonya's family as they prepare for their trip.

Pray for Tonya, that she would have a wonderful connection with her forever family.

And pray for the rest of this family's adoption process.

I'll keep you posted when they get a travel date. Thank you to those of you that have
prayed for and supported their adoption. Yeay for Tonya!

Number Four is Here!

2010-05-27T21:48:00.000-07:00

And while I am tempted to call her "pooper" for her blog name, I will wait until she gives me a better idea of her personality because that name wouldn't be fitting forever...at least I hope not.

I'll give you our birth story, though there isn't much of one to tell. I have to say, God was at work for me in this one, just like I knew He would be.

A little less than a month from her due date, I started to feel very apprehensive about her arrival. I was not into it. Didn't want to do it. I was aware that this was a matter of the heart that I needed to go to the Lord about, and so I did. He began working in my heart and things began to change in my thoughts. At first it became just a little less apprehension and nerves, then it faded more and more. The first thing He did was to bring my mind to the words of a verse I knew I had read before in Psalms. Over and over the verse popped in my head, it was God telling me I didn't need to fear. I was SO feeling the possibility of pain meds at that point and was not at all thinking that I would worry about going natural again. God started to change my heart on that front as well. I stumbled across a few doula and midwife blogs and that sure did help in a lot of ways.

Slowly things changed in my heart and mind as I spent my daily time with the Lord. It became something that wasn't a big deal...I was just going to have a baby and it didn't need to be a huge thing. I didn't need to dread it. I looked for my verse in Psalms, knowing it was highlighted, but couldn't find it. I ran across a verse that sounded quite similar and thought that I must have remembered it incorrectly and wasn't all that worried about it.

Many of you don't know my birth history...I'll fill you in a tiny bit. I don't feel contractions much. Curly- well, I didn't feel them and thought it was just time to go to the hospital. Started to feel a bit of discomfort on the way and when we got there my last contraction in the hall on the way to the room was enough to make me stop walking, but it wasn't all that terrible. They checked me pretty quickly, and there we were- complete. I was already at 10 cm...with my first baby...and they wanted me to get ready to push. UH, WHAT?!? I had been prepared to feel some good pain that would make me WANT to push that girl out. So, I fought the push for awhile. Two hours after we arrived, our little girl was here. Yes. I am a stubborn girl. I've heard so many people say that you just CAN'T fight the urge to push when it's there...well, if you are me, and you REALLY don't want to push yet, let me tell you- it's possible. The nurses and Handsome had to pry my legs open after her head was through so that I wouldn't crush her. I know...sorry for sharing all that there.

Smiles was a bit different. My water broke while I was getting ready to go into the mall. Shortly after our arrival at the hospital I was feeling the pain. In my first hour after arrival I reached a 7. He got stuck there. My biggest mistake was allowing myself to lay on that darn bed, but I didn't know any better, so I laid on the bed unable to move. After two hours or so of this laying through quick coming contractions, I wanted some drugs. The nurse kept trying to get me to roll to one side and I was NOT going to be moving. After she shot me a quick dose of something in my IV it took the edge off enough to roll over (and that's all). A contraction or so later we were pushing and he was out. I can't remember for sure if he was three hours or closer to four, but it was a short process either way.

Now to Miss 4. I had been watching my pressure with her because I have to be more aware of that than most. Not feeling labor is nothing to complain about, but I tell you what- there are down sides. I'll take them any day, but I am aware that a baby birthed away from a hospital is a possibility. Sunday night I was having some decent feeling pressure, just where things felt like they were tightening up. It sort of felt like if I chose to tighten my stomach muscles, that's it. I thought to myself that it seemed kind of close though, and so I had better time a few. Umm...they were two minutes apart. That was for about fifteen minutes. They like you to have an hour of record when you call our hospital, but I supposed this might be different. I was talking to Handsome who had just got in bed. He wasn't very sympathetic and said something like "Are you sure?" and then "Are you kidding me?" in an I'm tired tone. And don't get too mad at him because we'd been doing the false labor thing for awhile and I had thought we would have a baby already a couple times.

I didn't want to call the neighbor and friend to come over and be with the kids for false labor and my husband's lack of concern was enough to make me question myself even more. I got in the shower to see if it would slow things down. It did. They went to four minutes and three minutes apart. So, I sat for a few minutes and started reading my Bible. They kept coming, but when I fell upon one of the Psalms of the day I was determined to finish it. It was the one with the words that had been coming into my head at the start of the month! "There they were, overwhelmed with dread, where there was nothing to dread." (Psalm 53)

At that point, I was pretty confident that we were going to have a baby soon because that's just the way God works. He saves something special like that for just when you need it...and it was like a little way of telling me that I wasn't out of my mind. I think somewhere right around there I told Handsome that we either needed to leave for the hospital or we were going to have a baby at home. He unexcitedly got himself out of bed while I called the hospital, telling them that I was debating on going in or not. (I knew that I was going to go in, but these ladies have been known to be better if THEY make the decision, so I placed that ball in their court first.) "Given your history, I would rather you come in and we send you home in an hour." Okay, off we were.

Neighbor of wonderfulness that came into our lives last summer headed straight over while Vicky trucked across town to stay with the kids. This was our night plan so that we wouldn't have to move kids or wait for Vicky to get there. We knew the possibility of emergency, so we were prepared. On the way to the hospital I was feeling some stronger pressure, but still no pain. My verse running through my head because of the way hospitals make me feel the instant I walk through the doors. That had been also addressed in prayer during the week.

We got to the construction zone of a hospital (for real) and had to walk down a LONG walkway to the birth center. Handsome was behind me getting things out of the car and I was fearful of a baby arriving during this walk because she was so LOW and I was feeling pressure in areas that didn't mix well with walking. Got in and said- I need to SIT NOW or this baby is going to come out too soon. Got checked, was at 4cm (very quickly after arrival). Started checking in and sat on the bed through contractions and monitoring, refusing to lay down because I KNEW that if I laid down things could get ugly...like pain might want to arrive. They were nice about it and so was I. I was apparently in a pretty goofy mood the whole time if you ask Handsome. Excepting the few minutes which brought on the oxygen mask...then I perked right up =).

Checked shortly after starting monitors, 7cm. Okay, I guess we aren't going home. Nurse said, "No. You are not going home. Pretty sure you are staying here." with a smile. Called a couple people, but not many just to say we were staying and having baby. Things progressed quickly and within an hour of getting there I was "complete". Time to push. OKAY, here we go! No pain , or what I would call pain anyway, during contractions at all. Pushing...well, I have to tell you that even us blessed girls feel pain when pushing a head through such a place as that. Not my favorite part of the process to say the least. Anyway, two "pushes" (meaning their version of pushing where they tell you PUSH, PUSH, PUSH forever and a day and then let you breathe for two seconds...then comes the second push...yeah...that kind of pushing) and little Miss 4 was out. Unfortunately, being the little pooper that she is, she had let some go in her bag of waters and they had to work on getting all the gunk out for quite some time before I could hold her. This made the lovely process of getting put back together a little less comfortable for me because there was no sweet smelling babe in my arms to distract me, but what's to be done =)? There wasn't much putting back together to be done anyway.

There was some Motrin involved in my recovery, but nothing more than that. Awesome! I don't like to take medication at all, so I wasn't too upset with something that you can get over the counter. (Apparently with birth #3 things "shrink" back up more quickly, which results in more afterbirth pain. But, because she was a smooth delivery, I didn't have much other pain to recover from...so it was all good.)

And- that my friends is the birth story of Miss 4. So far, she is easy going as pie and is adored by all of her siblings. Smiles has a new favorite phrase. "Hodit!" Which means, hold it. Yes, it is quite funny that he calls his little sister an "it", but I assure you, he is very aware of her personhood. Curly won't stop following me around like a shadow, constantly asking if she can hold her. Gumby is interested as well, but surprisingly less than the other two. She is content to have viewing when she is invited to and doesn't pester Mommy much more than that. From my baby doll obsessed girl, I have to say that's a little different than my expectation. BUT, since Gumby's ability to be gentle is far less advanced than the other two (yes, Smiles is EXTREMELY gentle with the baby), it will be okay that she is the least interested.

Hopefully I will find time to take some more pictures to share with you soon. For now, I am going to go and feed my little pooper. (Who, if you wanted to know, did poop while on my lap during part of the writing of this post.)

Look Who's Here!

2010-05-25T22:24:00.000-07:00

Born 5/24 at 1:54AM; 7lbs 2oz. Birth story to come.

No News...Actually Lots of News

2010-05-08T21:13:00.000-07:00

There is a lot going on around our house even though I haven't posted often. It's partly because I don't have a lot of time (not because I'm not home, but because when my kids don't need me I am usually sleeping or want to be), and partly because I turn into a hermit at the end of pregnancy. It's the territory when you are an introvert. While I am a social person, the time by myself is what gives me energy. I never defined my self as an introvert until my good friend informed me that it's not exactly about how social you are, but where you get your energy. Introverts gain energy from being alone, extroverts gain energy from being in groups and around other people. Once I heard that, I knew for certain that I was, in fact, and introvert...even if I don't get awkward around groups of new people and all that jazz I thought belonged to the introvert.

Anyway, end of pregnancy = less energy. Especially when I have three little ones that don't understand if Mom is tired. They get the closest thing to the normal Mom as they can, and then it's done. At the end of the day, I'm ready to have time by myself and relax...if that were possible. So, it's not that I'm antisocial, it's just that my kids are the ones that are going to get my energy. I figure that everyone else can be understanding about that.

That all said for you, I'll share some of what's new.

I missed telling you about Gumby's birthday! Her birthday is 6 days after Curly's, and after their joint party I lost a lot of motivation, along with getting pretty tired. So...they had a joint party that was a dress up theme. They both wore princess dresses and Gumby had a wonderful time (as did Curly). She didn't know what all this party stuff was about, but she very much enjoyed all the people that came around, and all the extra food! That girl is an eater for sure. She followed people around and got tons of love out of them, especially the men-folk (they are her favorite). She was quick to learn the art of gift unwrapping and loved being the center of attention...even if shared with her sister.

A few days later, she did have some emotional stuff going on and her OT thinks that it was related to the party...that it took that long for her to really register her overload. I think that she was right after this week. Why?

THIS WEEK...Gumby started school. We've been going through the process of getting her IEP (individual education plan) and all the wonderful stuff with the school started so that she could start preschool. In the fall she will start Kindergarten, as for right now, she is going to developmental preschool. She LOVES school. She really does. She has asked me multiple times if she could go when it isn't time to go, the first time being a shoe grab followed by the sign and word "help" and then the sign and word "school". BUT. But she is also having a LOT of emotional signs that tell me it really is a big adjustment for her as well. It has messed with her routine and that is somewhat difficult for her...even if it's something she really enjoys.

Instead of the wonderful initiating she was doing, asking me for a drink if she needed one, or telling me she needs help- currently she will just whine or cry at me. I know it's temporary, but it's still frustrating because it WAS something that I put a lot of effort and time into working on with her. It's also frustrating because nobody enjoys a whiny kid. I've been attempting to direct her in using her words/signs instead of crying, and I've been a lot more flexible with her than I was before she started school. It's been a bit hard for her.

The school transition, as well as the huge leaps that Gumby has been making, have also been hard on Curly. She is a little jealous of sister's school going, and is (I think) a bit concerned about Gumby "catching up" to her. She has a need to feel confident about her role as first-born and Gumby is closer to challenging that than Smiles ever could be. It seems that is a bit threatening to her. It's nothing we can't work through, but she's definitely shown signs of some emotional adjustment as well.

School has come also with some...interesting behavior changes. It gives her a confidence in herself and makes her feel like a big girl. With that has come a lot of attitude a bossy talk, including some toward Mom and Dad. This is of course- not okay, and it has to be parented. The hard part is doing that, while still being sensitive to the emotional side of things and being understanding about how huge this really is for Gumby to take in all at once. I'd say it's a very narrow line I feel like I am walking there. I also feel like I teeter over each side all the time right now. It's the first week. It will get better.

School itself, it's good. I like the teacher. I like the para (who has a twenty something son with DS and was SO excited to have Ana join their class). The bus driver is...very nice. No further comments about that. The para wanted to try potty time with her and I said that was just fine and dandy with me! If they want to start the frame work of potty training at school, I am NOT going to stop them. I just don't have the energy or time to put into that currently. Apparently she did go potty on Thursday and she loves sitting on the toilet. (I knew that she enjoyed it, since we have let her do that at home. She laughs and laughs the whole time she is sitting there. It's the funniest thing!)

Baby #4 is getting ready to make her appearance as well. This is going to be a large adjustment for the whole family of course, and I do wonder how Gumby and Smiles are going to do with this change. Both for different reasons. The process of things working toward her arrival is going, per my doctor's observation, and she will be here any time in the next three weeks (or so). I think we are pretty ready, at least, as ready as one can be.

Smiles is officially a full time boy of the cloth (cloth diapered child). He loves his cloth diapers and hopefully his baby sister will get along with cloth well too. I'm sure they will both do just fine. Handsome is pretty well on his way to figuring them out (with a backwards one here and there, but who can blame a guy when they put the tags on the OUTside). I am proud of him and so blessed to have a husband that hasn't complained at all about this switch.

Curly is so stinking smart. Okay. I am her mother and of course I would think that. I just love how she thinks and the amount that she retains. She is writing pretty well now (not spelling, just writing...I have to tell her the letters), and she is learning to read. We have been doing her school work in the mornings when Gumby is at school and I think we might start some Kindergarten work for her in the fall too. We plan on homeschooling her, so while I don't think it's great for kids to start Kindergarten early through the school system because there is much more than academics going on (like social development...which grows a lot in a year with kids), I think that when it's at home there aren't the same issues. We'll see how it goes. And yes, someday we would like to homeschool Gumby as well, but for the time being I don't feel like I am able to catch her up to her full potential for quite a few reasons. One big on being the baby that will be here soon.

There are some other changes possibly in the works for this here little family, but for now this is all that is going on. I hope that I can get you some photos soon and that it will be sooner rather than later when I update you again or share a post. If not, don't be too surprised on that.

...I'll also have to share the fruits of the lovely Mother's Day gift I got with all of you. It can produce something fun for you as well ;-).

Hearing God's Voice- My Story

2010-04-23T23:40:00.000-07:00

I have been reading the comments on the previous post and want to thank those that have shared. I appreciate your sharing! If you haven't read that post, you might want to read it first.

I told you that I would share with you part of my story and experience learning to listen and hear from the Lord. Before I get into the details I want to restate what I mentioned in the last post. I believe that each person is unique and has their own relationship with the Lord. We are individuals and our God is creative and limitless. Just as I speak to each of the people in my life differently, it's likely that the way He speaks to me is different (be that by a lot or a little) than the way in which He speaks to, or will speak to you. It's more that I thought it would be good to have examples for a frame of reference. Sharing our experience can help others to grow in their relationship with God, just like sharing an experience from your marriage or parenting could help someone in a different family, with different relationships, take something away that would be beneficial to their situation. My experiences do not dictate what theirs will look like, but might give inspiration or a starting direction. It might be that the only effect is to remind eachother of how exciting it can be to really live on God's path and to hear from Him. Because, really, how awesome is it that we even have that privilege? GOD wants to talk with me? It's easy to forget how crazy that really is!

Where to start? The Bible. That's my opinion of course, but I am pretty sure that most of us would agree on that point. God gave us written words. Words that we cannot mistake for someone other than God. Words that are truth and alive. I've heard a few times, "I just wish that God would talk to me in a big loud voice so that I KNOW that it's Him and not my own thoughts!" ...or something similar. Well, we don't have to question anything in God's word. We know how to read. We know what the words on the page say, and He told us that they are truth. If we believe Him, then we believe scripture.

Forever and ever, no matter how far I grow in my relationship with the Lord, no matter how confident I become in hearing His voice, I KNOW that if something in scripture doesn't match up- the scripture is the truth and what I heard is not from God. The Bible is always there to be used as a confirmation. I know that all things should go through the filter of scripture and that's why it is so important for me to have a regular time reading and studying it. I love how God uses His word and has shown me that it is alive. Let me share deeper on that.

When I began seeking a different kind of relationship with Him, I was looking for a specific change. I wanted it to be truth when I said that I follow Jesus. When I say that I am following my friend to find a location that I have never been to, that person is leading. I'm not making the decisions, I'm just going where I'm told (or in this case shown) to go. I felt like my life should be like that with God. I still feel like it should be way more like that by the way, but I have to remind myself all the time that I am in progress. I lack grace for myself and want to throw me away when I'm not perfect. (Good thing God doesn't feel that way and He saves me from myself.) So, anyway, I was asking God to show me how to do that. How am I supposed to follow You like that? How can I say that I give You my whole life and then still dictate where and how I go? I feel like I am trying to ask You for advice on what to do with the situations that I brought myself to (be they positive or difficult), instead of being led to every circumstance that I find myself in.

The logical place to start was by reading my Bible regularly and praying. Before I started to hear His voice outside of scripture, I started to hear Him there. I learned more of what He was like and I had a spot to go everyday. Most of the time, my reading is just where I left off the day before. Often that includes a couple of different areas, but it's not a jump around thing. It's a "set" place where I go. The AWESOME thing about this is that it gives me such confidence is God and how truly amazing He is. Time after time, the words that I read fit perfectly with something that I needed to hear or that gives instruction. And it can't be chance when it's the same area I've been reading for so long. How stinking beautiful is it that He KNOWS where I am going to be reading in three weeks and He KNOWS what I am going to be wondering or questioning or going through, and He KNOWS what I will need to hear...and then His Spirit makes it jump right off the page to fill the questions in my heart and mind?!? Seriously. If a man could do that, you can bet that people all over would know about it. Word would spread quickly. How HUGE is God, how AWESOME that He can do things like that!

As time passed a bit in my reading, I was guided to change some things in my life. We were not doing things that were particularly bad, just had some things that were cluttering our lives with things that were not beneficial. I want my life to be about God, not about having God in it. We decided as a family to let go of our television. It was something that took up lots of time and we didn't even like most of the shows we watched. We felt like there were plenty of things there that didn't look pleasing to God, and we weren't huge TV addicts. There were books that got let go of, movies that went bye bye, and computer time was cut. This wasn't a choice of legalistic things, it was just what we felt like God was asking our family to let go of. There were some other things too, but I can't remember all of the changes we made at that time.

The result- quiet. Our home was more peaceful. We had more time on our hands. When we started this change, we weren't sure what we would fill that time with. Now Handsome and I have commented to each other how we don't know how we could waste all that time on something we didn't even really like doing that much. Clutter was removed from our lives that was making it harder to hear from the Lord. It was like we had been in a forest near a stream and couldn't hear the water flowing because of a logging project going on right next to us. When the loggers left, the peaceful sound of the stream was clear and it was easier to hear it flowing over the rocks. Instead of straining to hear it, the stream actually became quite loud.

I began a journal during my quiet time with the Lord. This was probably when the biggest change took place, though if I hadn't started with the ground work, I doubt the journal would have made that much difference. My journal helps in a few ways. First, God doesn't always answer questions right away. Sometimes He will answer a few days later, or even a week or more. Going back and looking at the answers to questions that I have written is a good way to remember God's faithfulness. Second, it helps me to remember and keep track of things. Verses that stand out to me get written down and often I don't know why they stood out until later on down the road. He often speaks to me in words. Sometimes, I ask a question and then get an answer right away. Sometimes, when I'm just sitting there listening to Him, He will say something...I write it down. Then, I can see if it is confirmed with scripture because I have the words right there. The specifics of the words are often very important and the things that are said have great meaning based on the specific wording used. It's important to me that I have this written down so that I can look back at the exact words. Third, it keeps me focused. Somehow, when I am writing things down during our time together it keeps me focused. I'm less likely to get distracted when journaling.

I want to stop here and remind you that this is ONLY and account of how things have happened for me. This isn't the way everyone's time with God will look like and it's not a way that would work for everyone. It's just how things have developed for me. Some people might even have issues with something that I did or do. I just want to remind you of these things and say that whether it was a good or bad method, I did learn and grow a lot through this time and process. God takes a willing heart and leads it to closeness with Him. It's about the true desire of the heart to know God and find His will, not about specific steps taken to make that progress.

When I started my journal, it would often look the same. I started with the date, followed by any questions that I had for the Lord. Then I would tell Him that I was open to whatever He had to say to me. I knew that if it was time for any of the questions to receive answer, He would speak to those things. If not, I wasn't going to complain at all. I just wanted to hear from Him, to know what He wanted to say to me. I would also write thanks and praise, and I know that very frequently I would tell Him that I just wanted Him to teach me to love Him more. That I knew that my ability to love Him was something that only He could provide my incapable human heart. This time does not often include prayer requests, though I write them from time to time or talk to Him about particular ones that are heavy on my heart. I feel that prayers of asking are something that I like to keep more separate. I want this time to be about developing a relationship and dialogue, not asking Him for things. If something is heavy on my heart, it would most likely be shared anyway. My tears and fears will be spoken.

I write those things down so they are not pressing on my mind in worry that I will forget something. I lay it all out from the start and then just sit and listen. I wait to see what He will say to me. Quite often, His words start with things that are not listed. It could be things from a day or two ago that haven't been answered yet, or it could be something that doesn't have anything to do with thoughts I had been thinking at all. I'll give you an example.

5/31/09
...The spider
You fear the spider when it's harmless and even helpful because you fear just a few of it's kind. Most are busy about their work, doing just what they were created to do.

I seek control rather than living in faith and trust. When most things (bee, spider, etc.) will not come near harming me. I seek to kill all of them because they give me feelings of lack of control...and fear of pain.

Give up more control...

This was just a short part of an entry. I was sitting and a spider caught my eye. God said "The spider". That's all He said at first and then when I wrote the words "the spider" down, the rest just came flowing out. Thus began a great work that God has been doing in my heart by way of fear (which has been a HUGE setback in my life) and control. There is still a LOT of work to be done here, but even if other people don't see it, I know that much has changed in this area for me over the last year. Control and fear were things that I knew were issues for me, but I chose to look away from them.

After I write down any words I've heard and have time just being quiet before the Lord, often just experiencing Him and His presence, then I spend time reading God's word. Most often, things that were spoken that I didn't already know were an issue that wasn't in line with God would be confirmed in scripture that day (because things like fear and control didn't need confirmation each time, I know those aren't of God because of daily reading...they're easily recognized as something God wouldn't want to be part of my life). Often this will be words that are part of the reading, or concepts. There are specifics that stand out to confirm what God just said. Sometimes it comes in a few days time. Especially in the early times, it was counted as my head unless God gave confirmation. I tried to look for an example to show you, but none of the ones I found were things I could share here because I just feel they are too personal for the great web. I do want to stress that I feel that confirmation is very important, especially while in the early stages of learning to discern His voice.

The more I have that time of listening and getting confirmation, first through scripture and then later through the fulfilling of things He said, confidence grows. I am always aware that I can be wrong, or that I may not have understood clearly what God meant with what He said (hence the specific words in the journal). While that can discourage me for a little while, I also know that it's just part of the process. I'm not perfect and I never will be. Being wrong sometimes keeps humility in the picture and holds back pride, so I even find it good for me. What brings humility never feels good, but the effect of humility is always great. God draws close to the humble. Wrong = uncomfortable dose of humility = God draws closer and I can know Him better. It's worth the cost.

I may share more with you at another time, but I feel this is enough for right now.

Please know that I have just shared quite a bit of detail about something that is very deep and private for me. These are details that haven't been shared with very many people and it's letting you see inside a very personal part of my life. I am open to any voices of differing opinion and/or guidance, I just ask that you state any things of that nature in a kind way. Realize that this is my relationship with my Lord and any criticism is not of my theology or religion, but of my interactions with Him personally. It's very different than making a sharp comment about a person's stance on something like the trinity, or their choice of denomination. Please keep that in mind with the tone of any comments.

I also hope to continue hearing from more of you about your personal experiences here.

How Do We Know God's Voice

2010-04-22T23:11:00.000-07:00

Recently my precious little Curly has been learning about hearing God's voice. There are many verses that talk about following Him and His sheep knowing His voice and such. Since we started reading the actual Bible instead of just the children's Bible, she has been asking more deep questions and learning a lot more.

She has asked me, "How do I talk to God Mom? I can't hear Him." We've talked about how God speaks to each person in a different way and how it's usually not like you would hear a Mommy's voice or Gumby's voice, though some people might hear God that way. Mommy just doesn't know anyone personally who does. I told her that Jesus promised that if we want to know answers to things and we ask Him, that He WILL give us those answers. Sometimes it just happens slower than we want it to. Keep on asking Him until He teaches you how to hear His voice. Does God ever break His promises? She quickly replied, "Nope!"

Then tonight when I was reading in John, something grabbed her mind and she said in a very frustrated voice, "I just CAN'T FOLLOW Jesus Mom! I don't know how to hear Him. I tried, and asked Him, but I just don't know how."

If only she really knew how many people are fully grown Christians and have this same feeling. I would imagine that there are many people that really do want to hear Him, but just don't know how. It's only in the last couple of years, and mostly this particular last year that I have learned to hear His voice on a regular basis myself. I can't speak for everyone else, but it's not something that I ever felt like I could get information on and I didn't even know where to start. Now, I have had times when I was seeking specific answers and asked the Lord and fervently sought answers, but I felt like that wasn't all that God had meant for His children to have. I felt like when reading Biblical examples of people, those that were living for God after the Holy Spirit was part of the picture were led in specific ways. It was something more than just living by what was given as direction in scripture. (Which is also very important!)

I started seeking the answers daily. I began having daily time with the Lord and reading His word. He taught me how to listen in the "small" things, as well as the big. He is still teaching me. And just to make sure that I am not misleading anyone, since we got home with our new daughter, I haven't been so good at that daily time. I've allowed busy and tired to get in the way. I'm obviously not sharing that to be proud, but to make sure that I am not misleading. Because of this, I haven't been focused on the things I want to be focused on quite as much. (By the way, the first thing I told my daughter about hearing God's voice was that we need to read His words regularly. That one of the things He does often is bring scripture to mind that we read quite awhile ago, and this can answer questions we might have or tell us if something we are doing isn't what He would like. Then John 14:26, in our reading, helped me out a bit. "But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.")

I could very easily have given some four year old answers to my freshly four year old daughter, but my desire is never to water down the gospel for my children. I believe that a child has the right to the same information as an adult. The Holy Spirit does the same work in a child as He does in an adult, and it's not my right to decide that she is too young for a concept. Now, I might have to use slightly less complex words with her, but I'm not really the intellectual type. My kids can understand most of what I am going to say because my mind works on a pretty simple level.

So, I told her that I would share with her how God often talks to me. It might be totally different from the way He talks to her, but it was all I had to give her. And I asked the Lord, right there in my quiet mind, "What do you want me to say to her?" He told me what to share with her and then said to trust Him to fulfill His promise that whoever seeks will find. Even a child. So, I did.

My clearest times with Him are through creation. SO many words are spoken from the Lord when I just sit and watch the natural surroundings of outside. He especially speaks to me through wind and clouds. So, I sat with her at her window and said, "Lets just sit quiet and listen to see if God has anything to say to us." We sat for a little while and she asked me if I heard anything.

I said, "Yes. Do you see that bird eating from the ground over there?"

"Uh- huh." she replied.

"Well, that bird is eating worms from the ground and it brought to my mind something that it says in God's word. Jesus was telling his followers not to worry about anything, that God always provides for His children. He asked them if the birds worry about their food. Do they worry about their food?"

"No."

"That's right. They just find it. They know that God will provide it. And the flowers...do they think about how they are going to get their food?"

"No. What do flowers eat Mom?"

(I DO have a four year old here. Lots of questions that side track.) "God makes sure they grow and gives them food too. And then Jesus said that He loves us WAY more than flowers or birds because we are His kids. Just like I love you WAY more than flowers and birds!"

Then we sat some more. She told Gumby to be quiet so that she could hear God =). She listened for quite some time and I was just about ready to tell her that we could try again later. That it might not be today that God was ready to open her ears. But then she smiled at me.

Quietly she said to me, "He said something to me Mom." She smiled at me with a shy little grin that told me she was very pleased.

"What did He say?" I asked, actually quite curious to hear what she had to say.

In a very matter of fact way, she smiled and said, "He said that He loves me very, very much."

Now, that very much sounds to me like one of the first things God would say to His child as He is training the ears of their spirit to hear Him. That moment made my eyes water and my heart feel blessed to know that He allowed me to be there for that special moment when she heard His voice for the first time.

This leads into something I've been wondering a lot lately. Where are others with this? I really want to know, is this an area lots of us struggle with? Or is it just something kept more private? And if so, why? Because it seems like it's so much harder to live the life we are called to live when we don't know how to hear His voice. It's like we are all a bunch of waxy eared, hard of hearing sheep wandering around and we don't know how to clean our ears out. And I might be in a smaller group than I think here, but when learning something as important and faith-requiring as hearing the voice of God clearly, I'd have felt more confident having the experience of others to learn from. It just seems like it gives a jumping off point instead of not knowing where to even start.

My question is, for those of you that are followers of Jesus Christ, do you know how to discern His voice? If you do, how did you go about learning that and cultivating it? Or did you do anything specific other than praying and asking for that ability to grow? How have you/would you answer your child's questions about this? How would you answer an adults questions about how to learn to hear God's voice? I really, truly want to know your opinions here. I want to hear examples of how God speaks to different people (because I KNOW we are all different and God is very creative, so there is much possible variety in this area). I want to know what has helped you learn in this area. And I would love for those that are still feeling like they need some learning in how to hear His voice to have some point of reference. Please, please give input here. If you are more private and don't want to share with everyone, you can post an anonymous comment. Or if you don't feel comfortable with that, but would be okay with e-mail, you can e-mail at puremommyextract at gmail dot com. I really hope to get some input here. If you feel comfortable posting on your own blog about this topic, I think that would be even more awesome. Just link us to the post in the comments so that we can come read. Like I said, perhaps lots of people DO feel confident in this area and I just haven't heard about it much. But, it could be that my curiosity is right and many of us have not known where to start or how the Lord even sounds. It might also be that some believe that God doesn't speak to us other than scripture these days. We all have different opinions too.

I want to hear from you!

I will also do a different post soon about what my quiet times looked like in the beginning/look like now more specifically, and what my personal ways of practicing and learning to listen and hear God's voice were. I think it's very important to understand that it's not the same for every one of us, so the more examples the better...which is just my opinion of course.

Peaceful?

2010-04-12T21:27:00.000-07:00

Sure, it's been silent here...we've been busy staring up at the clouds.

...ummm, right......

OR- I've been busy making tons of frozen meals, going to doctor's appointments for number 4 and "Little Miss Giardia", reasearching and switching to cloth diapers for Smiles and soon to be added number 4, cleaning like mad (otherwise known as nesting), and just plain keeping you from a certain hormonal rage infested female who was hibernating from everyone in order to protect and preserve relationships.

You can take your pick and go with whatever you prefer to believe.

(And though Handsome tells me that my lens had some icky stuff on it, he's wrong. It's my windows that need to be cleaned...not my lens. Clearly the nesting hasn't gone so far as the windows...if that was the answer you went with.)

Four Years of Curly

2010-03-25T20:11:00.000-07:00

Four years ago, this little one...

turned me into... (and yes, that is a belly very near birth)

a Mommy.

How she turned into this:

I'm not sure, but I enjoyed almost every second of it. I'm so proud of her for her heart, the incredible way she REALLY thinks things through and understands deep concepts, and the amazing big sister that she is. Four is going to be a great year! (It is one of my most favorite ages you know...)

I love you my firstborn daughter! Thank you for making me a Mommy.

Side note: If you aren't friends with me on Facebook, you will have missed her comment to me this afternoon when I said something about her turning me into a Mommy because she was my first baby. She said, "Well, God helped me Mom. I SURE couldn't put a BABY in your tummy!"

Conversations with Curly Daddy

2010-03-16T08:45:00.000-07:00

As Handsome and I were preparing dinner on Sunday, Curly looked out the window and said quite shocked and concerned, "The birds are eating mushrooms!" This because we have told the children not to eat the mushrooms that they might find in the backyard.

Handsome: "It's okay, birds can eat whatever they want."

Curly: "WELL, they CAN'T eat people!"

Handsome: "Most birds wouldn't eat people, but if you were dead there are some birds that might. Like a buzzard. But only if you were already dead."

Curly: Sitting on the stool confused and shocked...

Me: If you were dead....really?!? Did my husband seriously just tell my daughter that birds would eat her if she was dead? He did NOT just say that...I'm just dreaming.

Gumby Here...

2010-03-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

Do you want to know something? This family has....(sneaks closer to wispser in your ear)...chores!

SHHHH! Don't tell mom that I told you. Do you know what those are? Well, let me tell you all about them.

Mom says that she thinks all members of a family should help out with the things that need to get done, even when they are little. She said that it's best to start learning to help out when you are little...I've never heard such things.

Smiles and I are in charge of picking up our toys, and helping with laundry. This is the laundry cleaning machine. I like to do the buttons best!

Here's me with my brother and sister pulling dry clothes out of this thingy and into the basket. When we get to the end, Curly has to do it. She has really long arms. Almost like an adult!

We all help carry clothes from the laundry sorter to be put in the cleaning machine.

Curly is really good at it because she has had lots of practice.

I can carry a LOT just like my big sister. (Do you see me wearing her boots? I'm going to be just like her when I get bigger.)

Sometimes Smiles gets in the way and I have to wait for him to move. Mom says we have to be patient with him while he is learning too. He is little, so he doesn't understand the rules as well and me and Curly yet.

I show him how though. This is my strong face.

Smiles pushes the clothes into the back for us. Mom thinks he is trying to get as close to climbing in as he can. She might be right.

Curly has other chores. She folds the washcloths, and sorts laundry into piles. She makes a pile for each person in the family. Then Mom folds the clothes and puts them away. Sometimes Curly likes to help with that too, but she doesn't have to.

Curly's last job is feeding the animals. She fills the cat's food...Daddy does the water.

Smiles can't wait until he can feed the animals! But Mom says he likes to eat their food too much just yet and he has to wait. He just helps Curly by picking up what she doesn't get in the dish. Mom doesn't seem to like when he helps with that though...

Anyway, I've never heard of such a thing! What kind of chores do your kids do when they are little?

Giant Bib in Action

2010-03-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

I told you I would share pictures of the bibs on a child. Here is Gumby before her meal made it messy.

And these are after she ate. To her credit she actually kept pretty clean at this meal. Smiles had a bib that was not so lucky, but his photos didn't tun out very well due to excessive moving and non-participation.

Proof

2010-03-13T21:06:00.000-08:00

When you are always the one behind the lens, people tend to question your existence. So, here is your proof that #4 and I do, in fact, reside on the face of this planet.

(I'm not a huge fan of belly shots, but I took a couple anyway...just for you.)

And this Mommy proves that she is not just an imaginary person that some weirdo made up.

May I also mention two things? Well, I guess that's true. Of course I can! It's my blog.

First, it is tiresome to hold a camera up over your head or out to the side. To hold the camera out far enough to fit baby #4 into the frame was not an easy task. Second, the piles of clothing...that would be the bins of outgrown clothes that are waiting to be sorted through and put back in the garage. I've been lazy, what can I say =).

My First Non-born

2010-03-12T09:00:00.000-08:00

Non-born being adopted of course. My second little girl. This little one has also taught me more than I imagined that she could. Truly placed in our family by the hand of God, she was meant to be right where she is.

Gumby has given me new understanding of my relationship with the Lord. A new appreciation for the love and patience He has for us when we are adopted into His family. I wish I had patience like that, though I know that I can't because I am not God. Oh how amazing it is that He loves us fully from the moment we are adopted. And He knows who we are.

There are levels of understanding this that I can't even explain. Just thoughts that come to my mind here and there. Thoughts of how I understand God's love just a little bit more.

Gumby is so free. She is herself and is not hindered by much. She watches the other children and tries to play like them, hanging on every move that Curly makes some days. Even the things I would have her NOT pay attention to. But it's not to fit in. The social desires seem different. It's not because she wants to be accepted, because she knows she is accepted. It's more that she admires and mimics just out of desire to be like those that she admires.

It's so easy to get a smile out of my second girl. She loves to be girly and knows that the camera means bring out the smile.

And her favorite thing? Babies! She loves dolls. Most often you will find my little Gumby with a doll in her hand. She is made for mothering...as Smiles will tell you she practices on him all the time. I'm sure she will be a great big sister to our #4.

...right after she learns how to be a little more gentle. She and Smiles will get to work on that a little.

Oh, and did I mention that she isn't just a one baby kind of girl? She often has six or so all around her. I guess she is preparing to go back to her roots when she gets older. Maybe she will serve children in an orphanage somewhere =).

Okay...or maybe not. We will just let Gumby and God determine what her life entails. No matter how she keeps her arms full of God's children.

I told you she watches. She wants to be like the ones she loves. Here she watches Curly and learns how to pose for Mommy when the camera is out.

Silly faces are perhaps not so much her thing all the time =). Gumby is quiet sometimes too. She sits and watches, or will focus on something she is trying to learn.

(Of course, this means with a baby doll in hand.)

Silly faces aren't always out of the question though. She makes this one all the time. She thinks it's funny to make a surprised face when you aren't really surprised...does it all the time and follows up with a giggle.

We love having you in our family Gumby, and we are excited to watch you grow. I'm glad that you were our child of God's promise. We wouldn't have it any other way.

My Firstborn- Curly

2010-03-10T22:30:00.000-08:00

No matter how our family grows, no matter who God adds....

this sweet little girl, with her sparkling curls of gold...

will always be my firstborn.

The first to ever speak the name Mommy in reference to this forever changed heart. The first to show me what it means to be all the many things that Mommy means. The first to teach me the ropes of being the one to fill so many of one person's needs.

And she is a special girl indeed. God picked just the right girl for the job. He picked the perfect little one to train me up in the way of motherhood. The perfect big sister to lead this family's young brood from the sibling side. She was made perfectly for her place in the birth order.

This little girl who is so much like her mommy, in so many different ways. She even carries my special gift of being a lovely willing photography subject...

Curly, my love, thank you for making me a Mother. Thank you for showing me my calling in life and for being the one that started it all. You have taught me patience, how to listen, and how important it is to loosen up instead of being worried about perfection all the time (as you are a perfectionist yourself). Most of all, you taught me to love in a way that I couldn't possibly understand. Until there was you.

2010-03-10T05:16:00.000-08:00

I don't know exactly what I am saying, but I know it needs to come out. I have to share it NOW.

I know my Lord woke me tonight in the way He does when it's something of importance. But this time was a little different. I found no peace as I went through the "routine" of praying for what came to mind. Utter nerves and unease overcame still. So, I said to Him- I give up on the normal. Lord, pray what needs to be prayed.

And so I lay there in my bed. My heart finally at peace, knowing that He was speaking on behalf of me- who was found wordless. And then...then I was given words. Beckon His people to rise up from their sleep in this land and to call on the name of their Lord. Pray for us, friends. Pray for your fellow believers in this country. Pray that we would all rise up and listen to the promptings of His Holiness. Pray for us, that we would wake up and speak the truth boldly.

And then I felt unworthy. As if I am not worthy to bare this word. As if there is more than I know at stake, and I don't know what to do with it.

And I lay in bed wondering if I really wanted to get up this time and speak the words I was given because they make sense, but then they don't. Why does this feel SO important RIGHT NOW, Lord? I didn't get up for a minute. I tried to push away, like I always want to do. I tried to tell Him that I would do it in the morning, but He said no. Do it now. The feelings and words are fresh, so I will speak now.

What does this mean? I don't know. Just pray. The instruction isn't for the rising up though, so we don't have to know at this moment. The instruction is to PRAY that HIS PEOPLE would wake, rise, and be bold.

I wish that I could better stress to you how important I feel that this praying is. So, I pray right now that whatever of this word is from the Lord, that His Spirit would confirm that in you, who bare His Name. That He would speak of the importance to your heart and would give you words to pray like you have never prayed in your life.

And I pray that He would give you understanding of the importance and allow you to feel the unworthiness of the words to come off of your lips as you implore Him to overcome this people and wake our country's sleeping believers. Not because I want you to feel like dirt, because that's not what I am meaning. It's a level of reverence that I've actually never really felt before now (but have prayed that I would feel). And because when we feel that sense of reverence for Him, it helps with really understanding how blessed I am just to have the gift of calling on His name.

Just an Update

2010-03-09T20:43:00.000-08:00

What's life been like here lately?

We've been sick. A lot. And we are finally feeling better and hoping it stays that way...but today Handsome decided to start feeling sick. He has skipped out on a lot of our illnesses, so hopefully he will get well quickly and not spread germs to the rest of the family.

We've been getting ready for spring. And we are EXCITED! Handsome and I built a raised vegetable bed and are waiting to get the soil to fill it. I had wanted to build it myself, but it turns out I had some issues with lack of strength due to pregnancy...and my husband put limitations on me that stated he was not cool with his growing wife using a sledge hammer with our incredibly rocky ground. I will not go into detail about the fun partner I was in making said raised bed. He may have wanted to shoot me at one point. (But it's okay, he didn't do it.) I'll have to share once we plant our little garden in all the areas of our yard...after things warm up a little bit.

Curly and I have been working on her school work again. She loves to learn and we hadn't been doing much since we got home with Gumby. We were just too busy with all kinds of things and getting a routine down. She is learning to count to 100 (with a chart), finally learning to write her name (which apparently the other kids at church know and she wished that she knew how too), and then just normal stuff like rhyming, same and different, shapes, and matching similar objects. She would do "schoolwork" all day at this point if I let her. BUT, we just do the morning so that we both don't get too worn out.

Gumby is learning to say all her letter sounds. She can repeat all of the sounds other than Q and X with ease, those are her two problem sounds. We are not at the point of knowing the letter sounds in association with the image, which I totally DON'T expect her to know yet. That's just our goal with the letters at this point. She enjoys watching Leap Frog's Letter Factory, so I let her watch it daily. That's how Curly learned all of her letter sounds in association with the letter by 18 months old. It's a great video that we have thanks to Vicky =).

Gumby and Smiles are great buddies. While Curly and Gumby like to play sometimes and are the two to share a room, Smiles and Gumby love to hang out together. Their language is at a very similar stage and they get along great...most of the time. I will say, however, that Gumby's favorite "sentence" is "Smiles, NO!", which she must have learned from my consistent saying of the phrase. She even points the finger at him when she says it...then she laughs.

Which brings us to the fact that those two really keep me on my toes with parenting. Smiles has really got me working in my mind right now to be creative. He's at that age where he is just a bit too young to really grasp some of the things that I would normally use. And he learns different than Curly ever did...so different parenting techniques are required for him to learn best. I can't tell you for sure what those techniques are yet, but I'll get back to you after the "experimentation phase" is complete. =D We are in a sort of trial and error phase to see what works for him. Right now he is learning to deal with his emotions, and he isn't doing so well. He thinks that a good way to respond when angry is to find the nearest person and hit them, even if they had nothing to do with the frustration. Also, fit throwing is in full swing. Curly learned quickly that her audience was not going to be anyone but herself if she threw a fit. That was enough for her. Being in her room while she threw it was plenty. Smiles....not so much. He will stop when he gets put in his room to throw the fit, but he is still just as likely to throw another one later. Perhaps he is just a little slower to learn this concept, we will see. He has also been short on sleep, which doesn't help.

Gumby...well, she is just going through her phases so quickly that as soon as I have something figured out, she moves on to the next thing. It's normal for her to go through all the stages that were either stunted or missed living in an institution, so this is to be expected. I just wasn't prepared for how quickly we would move from one "problem" to the next. Usually things last a week or two and each new thing surfaces within a week or so of the previous. She is a quick learner for some things, but others are not even conscious. Like things going in her mouth...this is something that happens all the time, but it's not even something she thinks about that much. And sometimes the things are gross...like a shopping cart. Can you say EWWWW!!! She just puts things in her mouth without thinking about it and I have to remind her constantly NOT to do it. This is more like a new thing that goes into our mouth every week. Like thumbs one week. We got that mostly down after two weeks or so (not doing it) and then we are doing hair. She is still doing the hair and loves to reach over with her tongue and grab a piece of hair to chew on. And when I say chew- I mean CHEW the heck out of it. (I was worried she was going to injure her thumbs.) There are other things too, but the mouth is the hardest thing we are working on with her.

Smiles is also learning good emotions. He has been dealing with anger, but also has been very loving and cuddly. I love that part. He wants snuggle time and shares kisses with me often. He is loving his baby sister too. He likes to lift my shirt and snuggle with her. I'm not sure he really understands, but he enjoys whatever he is thinking and understanding. For some reason he likes to put his feet on her, but he is VERY gentle about it, which is not like his normal little boy self. It's a little weird to be honest. But hey, we are a strange family!

I've been keeping the house mostly clean and organized. This takes most of my energy, so I haven't been spending much time with adults other than Handsome, but it works. The stress produced from a dirty house wears on me in a huge way right now, and as those who have known me through a pregnancy are aware, I get kind of hermity when I am in the later stages anyway. The focus on the little family is sharp, and everything else gets passed up for awhile. I think this has been good for Gumby too. We have all been able to bond and get a good routine that isn't messed with too much, and she seems to do really well with that. Perhaps that's another reason that I haven't been blogging as much. I just don't spend much time being social right now. (That doesn't mean I don't like you anymore. And I'm sure that I'll enjoy blogging more regularly again at some point.)

That's a good update for now. We'll have to do this again sometime soon *wink*.

Oh...and did I forget to mention my little tragedy that nobody else cares about at all? We lost Photoshop in the great computer fiasco of last month. Handsome couldn't get it to install again because of issues with the disk...so I will no longer be a Photoshop owner =(. So sad for me. I'm sure you are all weeping profusely on my behalf...or something like that...

I'm going to pout about that one for a little while longer. It's hard to overcome an addiction.

I'm a Partial Mother

2010-03-07T20:00:00.000-08:00

I'll tell you ahead of time, this post may not flow very well. The writing may not be my best. The thoughts shared might be scattered.

But I've been holding back feelings and I realized that someone else might have those feelings too. Someone in a situation like ours. Or someone who might later experience these feelings.

It's just that sometimes I feel like a partial mother. Like I don't have the same rights as those that were blessed with their special needs children through birth. Like my thoughts and feelings aren't weighted the same. This is not something that I get from those parents, I fully recognize that these are feelings that I put on myself. None the less, they are still there...and I still feel them.

I'm sure that someday that will go away, when I've had Gumby long enough to feel confident enough that, were I to encounter criticism, I could defend myself...even if just to myself. But right now I don't have that.

I don't have the common bond over when we found out that Gumby has Down Syndrome. We didn't go through any feelings of anxiety, worry, sadness, loss of what we had imagined her life to be like before we knew. I don't have the experience of her first four years of life. I don't know when she hit her milestones and I didn't help her achieve them. I've done nothing so far to help her become the child that she is today. She is the person that she is because of someone else. Not because of our family.

This might be a petty thing to think about, I know. But I still feel it.

Sometimes I just want to say that I don't care about all the research and finding out all that I can about Down Syndrome. I know the things that are important to know for Gumby, but I don't spend that much time trying to figure out more. And quite frankly, I don't want to know what is typical for other kids and what her abilities might or might not be based on experiences of other people. All I want to know is what Gumby can do. Gumby will do what Gumby can do and it doesn't matter what people expect of her. It does however matter what I expect of her. If Handsome and I expect less of her than she is capable of, that will effect her greatly.

I want to say those things, but I don't. I don't say them because I'm afraid of offending someone that has been a parent in this different arena longer than I have. I'm afraid of someone being appalled by my statements and getting upset. I'm afraid of someone saying that I should do things a certain way or I shouldn't have adopted a little girl with DS, because obviously I'm clueless. Because I don't want to make anyone angry, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings if my opinion is different than theirs.

So, I don't say much. I don't say much about how I feel in parenting Gumby because I'm a sort of outsider. Or so I feel.

I do figure that my feelings are the same as most parents in that I never want to limit Gumby by what people think can be her future. My thoughts don't ever dwell on things that limit her, only on the infinite possibilities and the amazement I feel in how quickly she is changing...and how smart she is.

So, while I am feeling brave against the normal limiting feelings I will say:

You don't know my daughter, just like I don't know your children. Don't assume she will not be able to catch up with kids her age in school because of her institutional background or her diagnosis. Don't assume that she will not live on her own as an adult. Don't assume she will not have a job just like your kid. Don't assume she will never get married. Don't assume that if she does, that person will fit into this category or that. Don't assume that she will never be a parent. Don't assume that she will not live a long and healthy life. Don't assume anything, just like you wouldn't assume anything about Curly's future.

Curly's future, Gumby's future, and Smile's future....they all belong to God. He, and He alone knows what that future holds. So please don't think you know anything that hasn't been shared personally with you about her, just because of a little test run on her blood that showed an extra chromosome.

(I would venture to say that those last feelings are ones that I am learning to feel that other parents have felt from the time their children were little.)

And if you are a parent working on adopting a child with special needs and you don't already have a child with special needs, just know that IF you feel like an outsider sometimes, I totally understand where you are coming from.

Blind Leading the Blind; Giant Bib Tutorial

2010-02-26T08:00:00.000-08:00

So, you have messy kids like the ones you saw in my last post do you? And you are thinking to yourself, "There has to be a better way. A washcloth is just not cutting it!"

Well, have no fear! A tutorial for making a gigantic bib out of kitchen towels is here.

Before you get too excited, let me inform you of something very important. If you know how to sew at all, you are forbidden from reading this post.

Stop. I'm not kidding. Don't argue with me, it's not fair for you to sit there on the other end of the computer screen and laugh those post baby pounds right off at my expense. And that's just what you would be doing. So, I forbid it.

Okay, for those of you that are further allowed to read, we will struggle forward. But I warn, and I caution, I am NOT well versed in sewing. Let not the fancy machine or the made up sewing words deceive you. And promise me that you will NEVER tell my grandmother about this post. She would dig herself a grave just to roll over in if she knew that I didn't pick these things out fifty times until I got it right. (She's a perfectionist...and she sews like Dickens writes...hence my lack of interest in sewing.)

Okay. So, you will start by going to Target and buying one kitchen towel for each bib that you want to make in whatever colors you like. I chose to get 3 red, and 3 teal. One color for Smiles, and one color for Gumby. You could get all the fancy colors they have, which would be fun, but you will save money if you stick to a couple colors so that you don't have to buy as many colors of the next ingredient. Or you could get some that isn't the same color as your bib, but just coordinates with multiple colors. Whatever makes you smile.

Then head to the fabric store and pick out thread to match (no fancy stuff here...just the all purpose stuff) , and then some of this stuff...

(bias tape)

I'd be sure to get the wide stuff, but you don't need the quilt binding size (which I almost bought right next to it until I realized that it wasn't actually bias tape, but I'm sure it would function even if it did look funny). If you don't get the wide stuff then you might have some trouble. We reserve that for the people that are good.

And...well, we all admitted that we aren't so good at this sewing thing.

One pack should be good for about three bibs. At least that's what worked well for me.

Next, we get real fancy like. Find something in your home that is round and not really big. About the size of a roll of packing tape (duct tape would work too). Just be sure not to get too big! It may look small for your little one's neck, but trust me- this size is PLENTY big for any kid. And if you get too big then you will be crying. You'll cry because I will tease you and throw it in your face and say I told you so.

Okay...so I won't. We non-sewer folks have to stick together you know. But it will save you the cash that you would spend when you did find out that I was not lying to you.

Know how I know? Because my first try was trash because I cut WAY too big in the circle department. So be wise and learn from my mistakes.

Place your tape roll in the center of the width of the towel and about a Campbell's soup can (top of can on the hem, and bottom of can on the tape) length down the towel. See...fancy measurements for sure. And do make sure that you aren't using a family size can, though it would still do the job. You are trying to keep the front clean, so the back doesn't need all that fabric.

Next, trace around your tape roll...or whatever round thing you found. Perhaps it's a large container of yogurt, or the bottom of a mason jar. Trace around the outside of whatever the heck it is.

Now you should have your circle. (I didn't center perfectly. I just eyed it.)

Now you want to choose where you think the center of that circle is and cut straight down to it from the top hem of the towel. Like so:

Do that with all of your towels. And if you're like me, you won't throw those left over circles out. We're keeping them to make bean bags out of =).

Now you have reached the part that is my least favorite. My normal rule is- if it requires pins and you can't make do without them...DON'T DO IT. I hate pins. Apparently, my mother tells me this is due to the fact that I have mammoth pins and I need to buy "silk pins" (insert sassing my mother, nasal, I'm being obstinate because she's telling me what to do voice here). Who the crud knew there were different size pins anyway?!?

Whatever.

For the sake of my children's clothes, we trudge on and break the rules of no pinning. But nobody said it was going to look pretty.

Take your bias tape and open it up so that you can put the cut parts of your towel inside it. I started on the left side and worked my way around.

When you start, you will fold your bias tape just a tiny bit so that the ends are nice looking. (Like fold them up into the inside by 1/4 inch when you are pinning...does that make sense?) Then again at the other end when you are finishing.

This is mostly not too hard, except for the part where the circle meets the straight part. You have to do a corner...but if you can make your bed sheets, you can probably do this with a couple of tries.

Try to do a "hospital corner" like you do where the foot of the bed meets the side. Pin the straight side all the way up to the top, then you fold over making a sharp corner with your fold. After a few tries, or one if you are just really good like that, it should look something like this:

Pin it however you can make it work. I have no advice there...I just made it work as best I could.

I realized as I was writing that I didn't take any photos of the actual sewing. Go figure. I needed all of my hands to actually use the machine...because my skills are so advanced and all.

But all you need to do is start at the right side at the bottom. It will actually be the left side at the top because you will turn it around and feed into the machine with the edge at the top and the circle part near your belly. Hopefully that makes sense to you. I'm sorry that I am not more talented so that I could give you a photo example.

Work your way around the circle, sewing with your sewing machine foot on the bais tape. It's pretty much the size of the "tape" (which would adhere to the fabric if it worked like it sounds and that would make it much easier...who names these things?), so if you keep the stuff centered on the tape it should work okay.

And don't feel too bad if you go at the speed of molasses in winter. Cause it took me about 17 times the amount of time it would take one of those ladies I kicked out of our post. See why I did that now? A couple of other things. When you start and stop stitching, make sure to do that backwards stitching thing so that it will stay in for you. You don't want all your hard work to go out in the wash because then you would have to pin again. And we DON'T want to be doing that!

Once you get the neck part done, you are mostly finished and the rest isn't hard or precise at all.

Fold the bottom of the towel up to form a pocket. Try to make it straight...but it's not that necessary to be precise. It's a bib for Pete's sake. It's going to hold oatmeal and spaghetti! Put a pin in the top to hold it...and one in the bottom too. You know, since we have all that practice with it and all. Like so:

Also, do two to mark the middle. You'll sew about three quarters of the way up there so that your pocket isn't too flimsy. Or something like that. (I just realized that this photo was of the one where I did 3 pockets instead of two. I pinned at 1/3 and 1/3 on the towel. Not precise. But really, then I figured out that doing one in the middle was enough, and who wants to do more than they need to?! So you can just do one seam in the middle if you want to.)

Then you sew those. Straight line up and back stitch at the top of the pocket over the hem of the towel a few times to make sure it holds real well. (Back stitch all the way over the front and back of the hem- back and forth until the hem has been sewn over completely three or four times.) Go super slow here so that you don't break the needle because it's pretty thick. Like one stitch at a time, stopping-between-them slow.

You guessed it. I know that after breaking a needle. Yep, I like to learn the hard way. Again...learn from my mistakes. Trust me, it's not fun to learn how to use every function of your machine in one simple project.

Now, how are we going to get this bib to stay around the kid's neck? I'm glad you asked. We are going to use iron on Velcro. Who needs more sewing? Not me, that's for sure.

Take your iron on Velcro and stick it to the bottom section of the bib. Mine is cool and sticks like tape before you iron it. This makes it easy to be sure you have the Velcro in the right spot.

Now, take the top and put it over the bottom so that the sticky Velcro is covered up and on the non-hem part of the towel. Like this:

Next, we use our handy dandy iron on high heat with no steam. Make sure to get it good and hot. I'm sure the Velcro package will give instructions for this. Listen to what they say, it could be different for you than it was for mine.

Then flip it and heat up the other side. We want to make sure that both sides got good and heated so that they both adhere.

And there you go! You've got your bib that will keep even the messiest of kids clean.

As soon as the Velcro cools off, you are good to go on cleaning. Just wash it in the regular laundry.

I'll try to post a photo of the bibs on kids, but I'm still having trouble finding anything on this stinking computer. It's not my friend right now. AND we still don't have Photoshop installed. Ugh!

The Gender Difference...

2010-02-25T20:20:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry....

...but the people that say boys aren't that much different than girls...

...never lived at MY house.

Apparently, proof is actually...

...in the oatmeal.

Fortunate and Unfortunate

2010-02-19T14:10:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to blog for a bit. Perhaps this matters not to you, but I have had quite a few things (with photos) that I have wanted to post. BUT...we have had some major computer issues that kept me from accessing anything that was on our main computer...where my photos are all stored. The issue began RIGHT AFTER I downloaded some new photos too. It was quite frustrating to say the least.

Fortunately, I have a tech savy husband who was able to fix it. After a few days of very hard work and a new hard drive.

Unfortunately, he changed the location of my photos to keep them more safe and hasn't reinstalled Photoshop yet...so I don't know where to find the photos to put them up and I can't do any editing.

Fortunately, I know where one little folder is and I have a couple of photos that I had in fact edited already.

Unfortunately, there are many that hadn't been done yet. And I had to use some flash for some of them. And for some reason we got red eyes...which I don't even have issues with like...EVER.

Fortunately, Curly is cute even with red eyes.

Unfortunately, it might be a little while before I can get those lovely photo posts up that I have been wanting to share.

Fortunately, I am going to stop typing now and get to some pictures for you =D.

Smiles

This boy makes my heart flutter.

Gumby

She was wearing a white shirt...sometimes it's best to remove the shirt while eating for Smiles and Gumby. (Depending on color of course.)

Curly

See those poor little red eyes =(...I'll get to fix that later.

...and here she makes sure to share her usual photogenic self...

Today's Thoughts...Which Apparently Requires Lots of Italics

2010-02-14T23:23:00.000-08:00

Sitting in church today, my mind was full. Full of realization. Full of comprehension.

It’s God’s way to use the simple, to speak through who and what we do not expect. That’s not to say that I don’t expect to learn from the pastor, but I also recognize that this man is no extravagantly gifted speaker. He always speaks of simple things, but this allows God to work and get the glory. When I walk away after hearing Pastor “T” speak, my mind is not on Pastor “T”. If God has spoken, it’s clearly God. When I say that, I mean this, the message is designed and planned out to say one thing, but ends up teaching me something entirely different than the intent…something that works into my life with perfection because of key words that bring my mind to understand the ways of God a little better. Do you understand what I mean? I hope so.

The message is usually a story or principle that I have heard many times, spoken in a way that a child could understand as clearly as an adult. My mind is never thinking about how smart Pastor “T” is, or what an amazing sermon he prepared this week. Nope. He doesn’t leave me focused on him. A man of humble means never does. I think that is why God uses those that we wouldn’t see as strongly suited to something. Because of that, it’s clear to see where God’s Spirit has worked and to recognize Him as God, not the effect of a man’s gifts.

The first thing that my mind stayed fixed on was this- God sees men as who they will someday be, not who they are today. I suppose that is one of the benefits of being outside of time. He knows who I will be at the end of this life and during the between, and He blesses me with the grace necessary while I become. I become. This entire life, I become…though I am not. Though I am weak, though I am prideful, though I am uncontrolled in my temper, though I am afraid- God sees me as one that I have no clear vision of. Who I will be when He calls me home to Him is not for me to know. The process of getting there without knowing where there is remains a large part of what shapes and refines.

I have long thought that the way the Spirit of God works is to fill in the places where I need filling. What I am capable of doing, I do. When I reach the part where I need Him, He steps in. Now, I wonder if this is so true. Today I thought, my best days would be if I remembered to pray, with the desire to beg though I know it not necessary, that any part of me should be prevented from entering this day. I mess things up. I can’t handle it all, and I know that when I can, He is in control.

There was also a misprint in my understanding of how I recognized the Holy Spirit was at work. When I felt good feelings and the goose bumps that can accompany His presence- that was Him. That was knowing that He was there. (I knew that He was always there, but I guess I imagined Him sometimes dormant or something.) But these days I recognize a more subtle presence as well. I know that He has taken over because life is not chaos and I am making it. I am not loosing it and I can keep myself under control. And the funny thing is, it’s not that I have asked or prayed that today He would prevent me from the wreckage that is my choices, that is my lack of good judgment, that is my imperfection. No…it just seems that He does it. Mostly, I feel like me. I just feel like a different me. If I were not aware that it was the presence and work of the Holy Spirit, which honestly could be easily done because of the subtlety, I would just think I was having a good day. I was doing well and enjoying life.

But there are days when He lets me see that He doesn’t have to be there. He alone makes the choice of how much He will do for me each day. Some days it seems He wants me to try a little harder, but it doesn’t get too far out of comfortable, just enough to grow a little. Then there are days that I am surer than sure are just to remind me that I am a wretched soul were it not for Him. To remind me that were He not there I would not be who I sometimes think I am…who others might think I am. A little reminder that – hey, I’m here and I’m doing what I promised I would do when you gave your life to me. Those are days that make me feel shameful about who I really am. Those are the days I see myself as who I would be were it not for the transforming power of Christ. Those are the days that I don’t see myself as He sees me at all. And I do know that it’s not God’s desire for me to see myself as such, but I can also be such a prideful being and reality is a hard hit.

The second thing, a simple statement about God adopting us as His children. I thought on that. On the way we are adopted and the way that God also sees us as who we will be, not as who we are. I also read this week something about the difficult times in the start with children who have attachment issues. Our adoption, thankfully, did not bring us up against this. But many parents must deal with some very terrible things before their child is ready to show who they really are. Some children have to overcome some very painful things first. The author of this post stated that at this difficult point, the child is not your child, they are just a ball of behaviors, and you can’t love a bundle of behaviors.

When God adopts us, we are just a bundle of worldly behaviors. Thankfully, He created us and He knows who we are before we do. He is able, unlike a human adoptive parent, to actually love us from the start and doesn’t have to just go through the motions until real love develops.

As I watch Ana develop so quickly and grow and mature at a rapid rate now that she is home with us, loved and given the opportunity to do so, it helps me to relate to God and His love for me. The way He feels about me. There is something special that you can try to imagine, but it’s so different from the parent side of things, when a child that was written off by the world and thought to be incapable of amounting to anything comes home to love, and the expectation that she can. And then she does. “You believe I can do this mom? You really think that I can count for something?” She says inside herself, surprised that something is expected, even though she knew she was able to do more than they ever asked. “You are right mom.” She smiles in her heart with pride in herself, “I can be worth something. I am worth something.” And I think to myself, “Honey, you won’t just be part of this world, you will change it. You will change it because you are loved by God and you’ll know it.”

How many children are left? Really, that’s what I thought about. How often are children left unloved because it’s not the right time? It’s not the best time for me to adopt, but I would love to when my kids are a little older. I think someday I might adopt a child when my finances are in better order. I’ve thought about adoption in the future, but…(you fill in the blank). How many kids are left without love, IN OUR OWN COUNTRY, because it’s not the right time?

Then I thought, yes, not everyone is supposed to adopt. But it’s like that with so many things that God would have us do. We aren’t willing to step out in faith because we are still looking at life through the eyes of preparation and the world’s view of responsibility. And here I am sounding like I’m preaching at you. That’s really what I didn’t want to do. I wanted to share my heart and my thoughts about me…

See, we have some things we are working on. Decisions to make. Some are trivial, some pretty important, and I had to look at myself with honesty today and ask why I was thinking the way I was. Why did my preferences lie where they did? And I realized that the reasons that I wanted to lean in the direction I wanted to lean were not the reasons that mattered. The reality of the matter is that I still think in terms of “when I’m ready” instead of “when I am asked”. The point is that God asks when I am NOT ready. If I did things when it made sense, then I would be doing things in my own time. I would be doing things in my own power if I did them when it was a good time. And does that make any sense at all? Because the God I know likes to make His power known. He is all about loving people and changing lives, but that’s not all He is about. He is about making His power known in the process and bringing GLORY to HIS NAME in the process. If I want to wait until I’m ready…I am missing the point.

When it’s the right time requires little faith. When it’s the “right time” might never come. When it’s the “right time”, it won’t really require the power of the Holy Spirit to do it, will it? The “right time” is wanting to do something for the wrong reason. I think then it might be that I am thinking about my glory instead of God’s…if I’m being totally honest here. Pride is a very dangerous and deadly thing.

And these were my thoughts today.

Gumby Love

2010-02-08T19:19:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to make sure you all know, as I am pretty sure you do, that even though we aren't at the same place in our relationship as the mother child relationship with Curly and Smiles, I do love this little one. I love her so much more than any other child that I did not birth myself. We learn more about each other everyday and we grow that bond all the time. I no longer feel like I am taking care of someone's child. She is mine.

While I know that other adoptive parents do understand what I am talking about, I wanted to make sure that those that haven't adopted know that- while we aren't there, we are certainly progressing in the process. And the process is already totally worth every part of the relationship gained.

I figured you all knew that, but I had to make sure. (And really, who couldn't love that face?)

A Lot Like Forgiveness

2010-02-07T14:43:00.000-08:00

Learning. It's always going on, doesn't stop our whole lives. Though I do think that as adults we have more difficulty learning instead of just repeating the same lessons because we have to actually look for them.

There are experiences in my past that deal with forgiveness. I still have a hard time not harboring negative feelings when wronged, but I have learned some things about forgiveness. Forgiving deep hurt. It's definitely not in the easy category, that's for sure.

When someone has an offense against you that is on the high end of painful and it would be understood by all if you didn't forgive...if you just closed the door on the person who clearly trampled on your "rights" as a human being, it's very painful to extend forgiveness. Sometimes the person doesn't even want or think they need you to forgive them.

The thing is, there are stages and levels of forgiving and in the beginning it's a lot about going through the motions and not feeling it. That's something that people say all the time, but I guess things like that don't become cliche for no reason. When your decision to forgive a person who has hurt you starts, you may not feel like it. You may have to talk those feelings of resentment right out of your mind and you may have to try really hard not to be mean or cry every time you see them. But it does get easier and you do move on and grow as you continue making the choice to forgive. You do start to loose the feelings of hurt. You do start to see the person for who they really are again as opposed to seeing them through the goggles of offense.

I'm learning that love can be a lot like this too. Some people you fall in love with right away. You choose the spouse that you do because they make you feel a certain way. It doesn't usually start out as work and by the time you have to work through any major issues it's usually far enough in that you have built a foundation that you can work on top of. Most people wouldn't marry someone without having "sparks" at this point. I'm sure there are some, but marriage is about "love" and not "duty" these days. When you bring a baby home from the hospital, there are feelings that grow between you and that baby. You fall in love pretty quickly, and while you don't actually choose the child you will be birthing, God has given us a bond that comes from a spawning a little drooler that comes forth from your gene pool. There are even friends that we just click with from the start. Friendships that are easy to cultivate and just happen naturally. Usually with people that have lots of similarities to us that we can relate to well.

But what about the relationships that don't come quite that easy? It seems we are to love all of God's children as we love ourselves, not just the ones that come easy. The socially awkward people that you don't really know how to react or respond to. The neighbor who has the exact opposite opinion on politics or religion from you. The family member that everyone dreads seeing at family visits because they make everyone feel so awkward. These are all people we are called to love as ourselves. Right?

Well, I am not good at that. I am not good at cultivating love.

God gives us situations that force us to work out our issues and learn what we need to learn if we let Him. If we choose to learn the lessons He sets out before us. Ana is my "love child". (I know that means something different, but who cares.)

I don't love Gumby like I love Curly and Smiles yet. That's just the truth. When she is being naughty, it's easier for me to feel upset with her quicker. She teaches me patience. When she cries, it doesn't bring out maternal feelings as often. I just want her to stop. I am her mother anyway. When her diaper is filled with solids, it often makes me feel ill (she still has institutional smelling diapers). I change her diaper anyway, just like I would Smiles. I have no choice but to go through the motions most of the time. Sometimes I fail her. I am not the perfect mother to any of our children. I loose my temper and I mess things up. But everyday I am growing just like them.

While my heart and thoughts may differ still, the actions are made the same anyway. I act toward her as I would the others as much as I can. Messing up this time doesn't mean that I have to give up for next time. I can't give up. She is here to stay. She is my daughter today...no matter how long it takes for me to feel that way.

And you know what? While I grow in my patience and while I practice love in those times that I really don't want to, love grows. Just like when I walk through the motions of forgiveness and eventually start to feel like I've forgiven...when I walk through the motions of love when I don't feel it, real love starts to grow too.

Painting Stripes Tutorial

2010-01-28T13:00:00.000-08:00

So...now we finally talk about how to paint perfect stripes- without any bleed-through of paint.

I first want to start by telling you that it is true. Prep work is the most important part of painting and the details that you pay attention to during that time will make or break your finished product.

The first step is to paint your base color. Now, with Smiles' room here I did a light blue on top and dark blue on bottom, with red stripes in between. So, for my room, I painted (with the help of Handsome's mom) the top part light blue and bottom dark blue. No need to be perfect in this section, though you do want to make sure that your line is within the range of level. I chose to go around the room with a laser level and put up a strip of tape to show my line. This way I kept within my boundaries with no question.

Next, after the base color is done, you decide how thick you want your stripe/stripes to be and where you want them to be. I recommend using a laser level like this:

There is a pin that sticks into the wall, then you hang the level on it.

The laser has an auto level setting and it will bounce up and down until it finds "level", then you just take your tape and follow it's edge along the line of the laser. Easy as pie!

Make sure you let the paint dry well before putting tape up by the way. If it's not good and dry then you will have problems later.

First go around the room for the top of your stripe and then the bottom of your stripe. If you go with more than one stripe then you will need to do the top and bottom for both. I decided to have my section between stripes be the thickness of my roll of tape (because I am lazy), so that counted as the top of the bottom stripe and the bottom of the top stripe. See the middle strip of tape there? That's the one I am referring to. (Pay no attention to the "off" color there. That's just where my tape guide that didn't matter between light and dark blue was...)

Still with me?

Okay. So you get your tape up. Next comes the hard work, which is also VERY important work. I can't stress to you enough how important it is that you do this next part very thoroughly. It's the step that determines if you have any touch up to do or not...and with stripes, you do not want to have to do touch up. ICK.

Step 1: Go around the room and rub the parts of the tape that will be touching the stripe color firmly. You are trying to get all spaces out from between the tape and the wall so that paint can't get through. Handsome was my beautiful assistant for this part and he liked using an outlet cover. You know, those things that keep us from getting into the outlet when we want to...all in the name of protecting our children, when in reality Smiles has NO issue getting them out...yep those things. Handsome used the rounded edge part of the top. It didn't scratch the wall, but got good contact for wall and tape. Use whatcha got. Mothers are inventive people.

Step 2: Now is the interesting part. I'm sure you know step 1, but step two is GG's secret (from a painting book I think). GG is my mom's mom.

Go around the room again and fill ALL the stripe-touching parts of the tape with paint in the color that is under the tape. Does that make sense?

So...in this case, the very bottom strip was "filled" with dark blue, all other parts were filled with light blue.

I think an illustration is required here...

In the photo above, I have started brushing paint in an upward motion on the top and downward motion on the bottom strip of tape. Both are in light blue because both have light blue under the tape. Got it?

Now, let's elaborate on the detail part. You want to make sure you fill all the gaps in the tape with the base color of paint. Any gap that is left will fill with the stripe color of paint. We don't want this. (You can see an example of bleed-through on the odd colored stripe that was left from my tape between blues earlier in the photo above...not pretty.)

The good thing is, you can pretty easily see the gaps...at least, I think so. If you have vision that requires glasses then I am not sure. Here is what you are looking for:

Can you see it there? It helps to fill your brush often without too much paint because you don't want the paint to drip, but you do want it to fill the gaps. You will want to brush in the direction that you are wanting to fill. If you are filling the "down" part of the tape, then brush down. It fills better. (On a side note, filling the downward part is much easier than if you are doing the "up" or sides for vertical stripes.)

Finish this the entire way around the room and let it dry.

Step 3: If you are using a color that requires primer, as my red did here, then this is the time to prime your stripe zones. Paint the inside of the stripes with the primer. I have not captured this part in photos for you, but I do want to say that if primer is recommended- by all means, USE IT! Don't try to skimp when you need primer. You will be happy in the end if you do this bit of prep work.

If you don't know when to use primer, always ask the person in your paint department when you buy the paint. Tell them what color will be going over what and they can usually help you. Red almost always will need primer, but especially when you are going over a light color.

Step 4: Paint your stripe color in the stripe zone. That part between the tape = the stripe zone. Do as many coats as necessary to get an even coat. I also recommend buying one of the little rollers for this. It makes for much prettier stripes with no brush marks. Because who wants to see the brush strokes?!? Not me!

Step 5: Let the paint dry.

Step 6: Peel off the tape! Now you have your stripes. (The tape is the most fun part, don't you think? It's like revealing the new room. I love it!) You should be revealing perfect stripes if you have done all your prep work properly. See how smooth and crisp that line is?

This is where I did the work of my stars. If you want to do something like that then you have to figure it out mostly on your own. I taped my stars out on the wall, filled the tape like I would with stripes around the inside part of the stars. Then after letting it dry I used my primer, then painted my coats of red paint letting it dry between each. You can cheat on something so small as a star with a hair dryer if you want to hurry things. Don't get too close to the tape, as you don't want to heat it to the wall and make it impossible to get off. It will make your time between coats a little less long.

And yipee skipee, you now have stripes.

I also have large paper mache letters with Smiles' name in red that go above his crib, but they were drying when I took these photos...and I like to keep his name private from weirdos on the web anyway...but that's another idea for you if you like.

Just in Case You Miss Them...

2010-01-25T22:54:00.000-08:00

These were taken on Friday. Right before we all started to get sick. The same day that our happy moods turned to...the DARK SIDE. The same day that...you know, lets just stop there. You don't need to know the whole terrible story, right?

The intention was to update the blog, which I have finally done. Gumby is the name of our newest member, named for her amazingly flexible self. Also, original Gumby and our Gumby are both pretty happy, from what I can remember of OG (original Gumby), so that fits too. Thank you for the suggestions on a name, even if I did go with something not suggested.

And because I think they are so cute, you get to see them in this post, AND up on the sidebar until I so decide to update again. (I do realize that Handsome and I need some new photos of ourselves, but it's not that easy when you are the one that takes the pictures. I'll work on something for you, but it might be a little while.)

Smiles

Curly

Gumby

And some sisterly love

Sorry for the silence, I was down sick all weekend. Thanks to Handsome, I got some rest and stayed in bed most of the weekend. Love you Mister!

Jedi Training Camp

2010-01-19T22:32:00.000-08:00

While I work on my painting stripes post, which I have not forgotten, I'll share a bit of what life is like when Daddy is in charge. Photos all taken while Mom was not around...by Handsome. He is a Star Wars fan, so we have light sabers for all the kids. Don't go too far with your imagination though. While he likes the movies and books, he isn't the all out Star Wars crazy. He only has light sabers for the kids because he works at Target and has found them on sale. No costumes to the movies or anything like that =).

Daddy's Jedi Training Camp

The Big "Sis" fights a raging battle against Ana Won. Being her first battle, Ana Won fares well. She has spunk and determination, but the Sis is a feisty warrior that brings all she has got to battle. Will Ana Won defeat the Sis?

She is caught in a corner with no way to escape. Things are looking mighty grim for Ana Won!

She escapes with her maneuverability skills. Ana Won has rubber joints you know. (She does of course =)...I'm thinking about Gumby for a blog name as long as no one has issues with that.) From the look on the Sis' face, I do wonder if she let her go for the fun of chasing her...

Ana Won is tracking the Sis with Smiles at her side, ready to team up. Notice that Smiles has little faith in their team. He carries a doctor bag instead of his light saber. Don't loose hope yet Smiles! Ana Won has faith in you, and so does Mommy!

Ana Won has found signs of her, Smiles isn't sure. He might have little faith in their victory because he has seen THIS:

The Sis is ready for battle, waiting for them to step into her trap!

You can see where Smiles would be filled with fear! Run Ana Won, run!

Ana Won is up for the task of fighting the Sis. Fearlessness...or lack of experience? I cannot be sure.

But wait! It just so happens that Smiles has a secret. He is non other than...

Dun, Dun, Dun......

And Smiles sneaks in to save the day. Tune in next time as we watch the battle of Ana Won and Darth Smiles against The Sis. It's sure to be a great battle.

What About Those Doctor's Appointments?

2010-01-19T19:20:00.000-08:00

I realized that I haven't given you much update on what we have found with all of the doctor's appointments that we have had with Miss Ana. And believe me, there have been PLENTY of them recently. I will give you a very condensed version.

All of the testing for international adoption came back great. No parasites, no other issues. They do quite the full route of testing there, so that's good to know.

(I promise that we DO dress our children in clothes other than pajamas...just not all the time.)

All of her DS testing has come back good too. We are still waiting on the results of her test to determine what type of Down Syndrome she has, so that we don't know yet. The genetics appointment wasn't all that big a deal for us, I suppose because of all the information we got through the process of adopting her. Most of the people involved in RR know plenty of information about DS since so many of them have children with DS, and they are not stingy with their information =).

Her neck scan/x-ray came back "good", meaning she has no issues with stability in her neck.

Heart issues- less than expected, even after our appt with our pediatrician. He thought from his listen that we would find an ASD and VSD, which are holes in her upper and lower chambers of the heart (and the cardiologist in Kyiv told us that this was the case as well). After her echo (I think I am remembering the name of that correctly...it's like an ultrasound type scan of her heart) with a pediatric cardiologist here, we found that she only has a small VSD that will most likely not need surgery. The upper part of her heart is slightly enlarged, but not enough to worry about at this point. She is old enough that he doesn't think her hole will close on it's own, but he doesn't think it will cause any issues for her. We are just going to watch her every six months for awhile to make sure.

As far as appointments with her OT (occupational therapist), she is doing amazingly well. The OT has been surprised at how well she focuses on the things we are working on and how quickly she responds. She learned a few things before even having her eval and seeing a therapist at home (learned to stack blocks, thread string through spools) very easily. When we have gone to our appointments there she learns very quickly and also works through the things that are not in her comfort zone quickly. I think of the shopping cart as a good example from home. Often she will act terrified of something and then by the time we try it next she acts as if it was never an issue. She just jumps right into it.

We have noticed that she speaks with her tongue a LOT. When I say this, I mean that while she may not express that something is causing her anxiety, you can see clearly by the way she reacts with her tongue that she is not comfortable. Especially with doctors appointments that are in unfamiliar offices, she will place her tongue all the way out, nearly going UNDER her chin. (She does have a looooong tongue.) The more anxious she is feeling about something, the more she will do it. Now, there are times that she will give us ques with sound or motions with her hands...like straight screaming or crying, or hitting something away...but those are not often and those are the times that we know she isn't ready to try something. (Hasn't happened at therapy yet, this has been in situations out in our daily life.) When we get the tongue action going on that usually says that "this is not familiar and I am not comfortable with it, but I trust you and I will give it a try". This little girl is such a persistent and focused child that she learns quite quickly. She is also very good at observing to learn (she will copy what she sees us do when it looks interesting to her, especially helpful with therapy), and she learns very quickly with instruction. Her OT told me today, after our second appointment, that she was very impressed with all that she has seen in this short time and sees her easily getting "on grade level" quickly.

We still have a long way to go with speech, which is expected with all of the things she is working with, including the fact that English is a new language for her. I think I would have a hard time with that too!

Some of her more difficult areas:

She does have a problem with "stuffing" food, which we were very prepared for. (I would prefer the stuffing to the option of not wanting to try the normal foods we eat and needing to coax her into eating.) Our OT has started us working on stimulating her mouth before eating to help with that. We just started that today, so I will let you know how it goes. They have an actual class with children that have sensory issues with eating specifically, so I am sure that her suggestions will help quite a bit. She had a lot to tell us about this issue and what some of the causes are.

We also have the speech issues. Ana will have a hearing evaluation and that should help us with a plan there. At this point we aren't sure what role hearing plays in her speaking development. Also, the mouth stimulation we are doing should help with this. It will make her more "aware" of things in her mouth and that is one of the reasons for both the "stuffing" and the word formation troubles we are seeing, according to our OT.

I think that's all the update I have on Miss Ana for right now. If there is anything you wondered about that I didn't cover, just ask in the comments and I will give an answer for you...even if it's that we haven't looked into it yet.

The Trunk

2010-01-17T13:32:00.000-08:00

I wanted to post this when it happened, but got busy =). So...I will share now, a few days later.

We went as a family for a drive to Costco. We needed to get something for Mom. Something like...oh...let's say- Wilcox chocolate milk. (Which they DIDN'T even carry anymore, but we won't get into that.)

First off, Ana did really well. Last time we tried to go to the store with her, she screamed bloody murder at the cart when we tried to put her in, so I ended up staying in the car with her. This time, she just got in. No issues at all, just let us plop her right in. That was a wonderful thing for us.

So anyway, we were back in the car after finding out that they didn't have Wilcox chocolate milk anymore...and after eating lunch there. Curly and Ana sit in the third row seat of our Kia Rondo and Smiles sits in the middle row with the seat next to him folded down. That's how we get the other two into the back, we have to leave the second row just one seat. So...Curly is sitting back there with Ana and suddenly gets this look on her face. A look mixed with confusion, disgust, and shock at her parents.

"THIS IS the TRUNK!" These words were spoken as you only hear when someone has surprise revelation that changes their whole world. "I am IN the TRUNK!" She was appalled at this. How could her parents stoop to the level of placing her in the trunk of the car?!?

I couldn't stop laughing. I am not sure what suddenly brought her to the realization that she was "in the trunk" as far as she was concerned, but it was a light bulb moment for her and it was funny.

...I wish that you could hear the tones and inflections in her voice. That was the best part.

Some News

2010-01-14T22:26:00.000-08:00

I have a couple of things to share tonight. Please let me also remind you to see the post below. Please be in prayer for a family to step forward for Dennis right away. His situation doesn't look great, but it is not too big for God.

First news, you all remember Tonya who lived with Ana in Ukraine. You remember how we were looking for a family for her and you all helped so much by donating to her fund. Well, you may also recall that she has a family now that is working on going to get her, hopefully this spring! I wanted to share with you that they have a blog now so that you can follow their journey to bring Tonya home and get to know them a little bit. I have had quite a bit of e-mail contact with Tonya's new Mommy and I'm so excited for both Tonya and her family. What a blessing it will be for all of them.

Click here to visit their blog.

Second news is about the little one that's still cookin'. We had our ultrasound appointment today and all seems to look good. Our results won't be back for us until tomorrow, but we didn't stop on any organs for an extended time period or anything, so hopefully that means we are good to go.

I thought it would be fun to wait until the moment of birth to find out whether or not would be adding to the girls or the boys, but Handsome wanted to know now...so we went with his vote because it's not something I care about all that much. I suppose that you might want to know what our family is going to look like...=D

We are having another.......

GIRL.

I was thinking that would probably be the case, since I felt from the start that God was telling us that we would were adding two little girls to our family. If it had been a boy my surprise wouldn't have been great of course, because I AM human and all, and I DO hear wrong sometimes. But the news of a girl was also no surprise to us and we are happy to add either to our family. God knows who we need and when we need them far better than we could, so we are pleased to sit back and watch Him work.

That's all the news for tonight. Soon I will try to get those stripes to you =).

Pray for Dennis to Find a Family

2010-01-14T22:22:00.000-08:00

This post is copied from the Cornish family blog.

ORPHAN CRISIS! Dennis... Please Share!

All, regrettably, the family who was hoping to adopt Dennis and Anna will not be able to complete the adoption.

The most difficult part is that Dennis is literally WEEKS from transfer to the institution, one he can not be adopted out of. We are desperately seeking a paper-ready, USCIS ready family who would be willing to specifically request him so he can be saved. Other photos available, we have had several families adopt from this orphanage previously as well.

Dennis (9)

BOY, Born March 18, 2006

I LOST MY FAMILY!

Dennis has lost his family at the 11th hour, and is in crisis need of a paper-ready, USCIS approved family to save him from an institution he can't be adopted out of.

Dennis is a darling little boy with blonde hair and big blue eyes. He is not very active, and he struggles with pulmonary artery stenosis and rickets. He needs to get HOME, so he can have adequate medical care, sunshine, nutrition....so he really has a chance to achieve his true potential. He is an orphanage favorite, but he won't survive a transfer to the institution. Please consider rescuing this munchkin!!

Regrettably, this orphanage is one of the poorer ones, with very little outside aid and very little hope. All of the children are tiny and undernourished. These children are immediately transferred at 4, and have little chance of survival where they are sent. All of our waiting children need families, but these have a critical need. Please consider one of these children soon!!

Contact Andrea for more information
I have $3231 in my grant fund towards the cost of my adoption!

Further donations are helpful, but the crisis now is to find another family.

Dennis is in the same orphanage as ALEC, who is also still waiting and faces the same fate in June. If there is ANYONE out there who is ready for Eastern Europe, please contact me ASAP at bamaroberts@... Parents must be no more than 45 years in age difference from Dennis.

You can see all of the waiting children in orphanage 9 at www.reecesrainbow.org/eelittles.html and www.reecesrainbow.org/atriskwaiting.html

Thank you for your prayers tonight, for this little boy who has no idea what March 18 holds for him...for this family who must so very sad to not be able to save him...and for a new family to be ready in the wings and waiting to save Dennis.

Andrea Roberts, Executive Director
Reece's Rainbow Down Syndrome Adoption Ministry
www.reecesrainbow.org

Keeping Busy (Long Update Post)

2010-01-13T08:00:00.000-08:00

You may be under the impression that I have been busy with three young children who now fill my house. That impression isn't really the truth of things in fact.

See, Handsome has some time off this month. We've been able to have him home since we left for Ukraine, so I can't say that I've been handling three small children on my own yet. Sounds like Monday I will be flying solo though, so then if you see a steady increase in empty Nutella jars in my garbage can...well, you will know to send in professional help.

This all being preparation for the change to becoming a family of six in a couple of months. We like to move quickly in our family.

So, we are doing quite well and that might have to do with being able to have Handsome home so that we have all of us under the same roof. Even if he is going nuts because he wasn't built to be an at home parent, though he very much enjoys our children.

The kids all love being with eachother and it truly and honestly feels like Ana has been part of our family forever. It feels nearly as it would if we added a new baby through birth. There are moments when things aren't perfect, but it's not that different than the issues that arise with any new child. They almost all have to do with sleep =). And do you get less sleep when a baby comes? You better bet you get less than I am getting right now!

Smiles and Ana (who needs a blog name even though you know her real name because it feels weird to have her be the only one with a real name)- they get along great. They are similar in their development level, though Ana is a bit beyond him. This makes for some great play and laughter caused by the same really random stuff. Don't ask me because they laugh at things all the time that I don't have any idea about. Smiles still plays a little more destructively than Ana would like, so he gets told to "get outa here" from time to time. That's nothing he doesn't hear from Curly all the time though, so he doesn't mind much.

These two also like to trade cups all the time. That part is annoying! No matter what cup I give either one of them they always want to trade. I suppose I should just get over it, but I don't really like to have shared cups. I get uptight about germ sharing, okay.

Ana seems to love her new home and family. She enjoys meeting the people that are part of our lives and is very unlike her big sister in the area of shyness. Curly is extremely shy with people. Ana is very much NOT. She likes to climb up in laps and give hugs. I have been told that this shouldn't be allowed for attachment, but it's hard to say no when these people are like part of our family. It seems clear that she still knows who is her family, so I'm not sure it's as big of an issue for her. Maybe I just don't know much. It's possible you know =). We are a family that spends a lot of time at home and we don't go out much at all. Because of this, we get lots of time for bonding at home too. She never has issues with coming up for hugs or kisses and will walk up and "ask" for them plenty often if Handsome or I am just sitting on the couch and she wants a hug.

She does have a little bit more need for time to play on her own during the day. She plays with the other kids, but also likes to have some time in a different area of the room playing alone. She doesn't need to be in a different room, just playing something simple by herself. The other two can be a bit overwhelming to her if it's constant. Although she needs her alone time, she also does enjoy play directed by her big sister. Curly is a good "director of play" (read- bossy) and it seems that Ana responds well to this mothering. I think it's funny because Ana is a bit on the "mothering" side herself. She tells Ben what to do plenty often, which he is used to. I often wish that I could understand what she is saying to him because it's so cute with her little finger pointed at him telling him what he needs to know.

I mentioned (I think) that sleep has been our only real issue. While our new little pumpkin is still not perfect in behavior, as in she does plenty of smile at mom and do what she just told me not to do even though I know very well what she said, it's all normal stuff. She listens most of the time and I am floored at how much she understands. It seems that anything I say to her or tell her to do is understood. She may not know how to speak to me in words, but we communicate just fine. Sleep...well, she tells me that she doesn't like it in her new bed. She slept in a crib all her life and we have her in a bunk bed on the bottom bunk. When she first got home she was in a play-pen because we kept her in our room (partially because she was so sick). Later she moved to the bunk, but only after we made (Chalupa actually) some railing for her so that she wouldn't fall out or feel like she was going to. She is a crazy sleeper.

Bottom bunk came with a lot of crying at first. She didn't like it. She stayed in the bed, but she would cry for a long while when we put her to bed at night. Nap was pretty rough too. The girl still needs a nap for sure because if we skip it then she is falling asleep in her afternoon snack, literally. And in case you didn't know people- my kids are 6 PM bedtime kids...so it's not like we were keeping her up late. (An hour nap does her well just like Curly and then the go to bed at 6.)

Later, the crying was quite less but it's still there. Unfortunately, she learned that she could climb out of bed. Then it was out every few minutes after we put her in bed for a little while. At first we would put her back in bed, but then we realized that she was getting out of bed to get time with mom and dad too. I am happy to give this attention during the day, but not when it's sleep time. So, we changed to open the door and have her get back in by herself. (Bossy Miss Curly is good at informing us of the getting out of bed.) This made the getting out of bed less and it would take us about 15 minutes of "Get back in your bed." until she would stay for the night.

One night when we were going through the rough stage of getting out of bed, we heard her wake EARLY in the morning...like when it's still called middle of the night. She got into bed with Smiles...in his crib. He was NOT happy. We had arranged things with a sleep room and a play room because it was a good fit for our family in our very small house. We have about 1350 sq. ft. of house with three bedrooms. It's tight and gonna be tighter for 4 kids, but you make do with what you got. This was not going to work though. We couldn't have her climb in his crib for his safety and also because it's not fair to mess with his sleep. He requires a lot of sleep. (And if you don't believe me ask his grandma who didn't necessarily agree with my sleep schedule and early bedtimes until she watched them for 4 weeks and saw how much it really effects them. She will tell you he needs it.)

SO- some rearranging was in order. The girls got moved back into the old girl room, Smiles got his own room back, and the living room switched from playroom to living room again. Now the office has to be inside of the master bedroom. Toys in rooms will do for now.

Busy? Well, yes I have been. But not with adjustment. What's one more kid really? Ask me after baby comes and we will see what I say, but for now it's not much trouble with Ana. (Daddy is still home too, so that helps I'm sure. I suppose I should say ask me when he goes back to work in February.) I have been busy with rearranging and cleaning every room in our house. Including painting Smiles a new room. Here are some pictures for you.

Stars and Stripes.

I think I have an issue with stripes. Like an obsessed issue. Curly was growing in my womb- we painted stripes on her wall. Far more challenging stripes than this. I will show you photos. Pink and green and white stripes that are vertical and go through the entire room. It took Handsome's mom and I days. Smiles was growing in my womb- we painted stripes in my room. Slightly less complicated, but still vertical and going through the entire room. It was only two colors and only took two or three days. Baby number four is growing in my womb (well, third in the womb because someone else grew Ana for me)- I paint stripes in Smiles' room. FAR less complex than the others. Horizontal stripes and there are only two. Still took two days with drying times and stars that complicated things a little, but it was much easier than the others.

I think I have stripes down =). This round turned out with zero bleed through! I was so happy. Because they worked so well, I am planning on giving you instructions on how to get the perfect stripes with no bleed through- NO touch up paint sisters! Perfect stripes the first time. I even have photos for you. Also, I will tell you how to get straight stripes that are level too. It's not as hard as it might look.

Now that you have fallen asleep six times because this post is too long, I will end for now.

Redeeming Time

2010-01-12T08:00:00.000-08:00

Now that I have chilled a bit...

The kids like bath time. Just a little.

So, in an effort to share the joy I thought we could share some pictures. Unfortunately not too many, due to the fact that it is the bath and therefore we don't have too many options when it comes to keeping slight modesty.

Just don't tell them later that you saw these. I'm not asking you to lie, just omit the truth. And if that's too much for your conscience then let me know now and I can block you from any further contact with our family so that you have no control over whether or not you share it with them. Then you won't feel guilty because it was all by my own hand.

Unsolicited Rant and the Healing Powers of Nutella

2010-01-11T21:57:00.001-08:00

There are many thoughts in my head, but not much time to blog and also I haven't been sure of which things I even want to share.

Do you ever feel guilty about how blessed you are? Do you ever wonder why the Lord is giving you such an easy time when others struggle a lot through the same things? Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair.

Do you ever feel like you don't want to share something because you don't want unsolicited advice? Like if you even mention a less than perfect moment that you are dealing with just fine that it will open up a string of advice being thrown at you that you didn't want or really need?

Like I said, there have been many thoughts in my head and I just am not sure what to share. Not because things are private, but because we have had a pretty easy time with our adjustment so far and are handling the difficult parts just fine and I get a little grumpy when I get too much advice that I don't feel like I need or want. And that sounds just terrible of me because it is good to be open to advice...and I am, but ...well...

If you have kids, do you remember what it feels like when you have a new baby and everyone throws information at you all the time about what you should be doing EVEN when you are not having any issues at all? And you get so much of that from random people that it builds up and something that wasn't intended as anything but helpful becomes overwhelming and you kind of want to fly off the handle at the next person to tell you something that has anything to do with a baby? And often it's even people who haven't had children at all or haven't had them in a LONG time? (Not that I don't think grandmas know what they are talking about...just sometimes things change and doctors tell you different information than they used to. Like that it's NOT a good idea to slip a little alcohol in the bottle to get 'em to sleep better...yep, like that =D.)

So, because I am pregnant and might be a little extra hormonal, lets agree to something. Okay?

I will share more about what life is like right now. I'll give you some of the updates on how things are going because that's the job of blog writer.

Your end? Well, I ask that if I share something and you have that urge to tell me a great way to deal with it, consider a couple things first.

-Did I ask for suggestions? Because I am not against suggestions if we are not sure what to do and have tried a few things that haven't worked. I very well may ask for input sometimes and I LIKE to get new ideas if I am having a tough time figuring something out. It's just that I DO have a little experience with children, even before having my own kids...so I have quite a few tricks up my sleeve and a Mama with lots of her own (after having a brood with yours truly bringing up the front).

-If I didn't ask for suggestions, have you been through this situation and come out with something that worked really well for you? Even if I don't ask, there are times that someone who has been through a situation before me will know a good answer because they have been there. Experience with the specific situation is okay to share =). It's more when there is no experience with what we are dealing with that gets annoying. I can come up with lots of the same ideas that someone else can when I haven't dealt with it (and possibly have). Now that I type that, that's my biggest issue with the whole thing. I get 30 suggestions (YES that's an exaggeration) to do things that I have already tried thankyouverymuch.

Okay. Well, now that I sound like a big grumpy guss, I do think that it's time for someone to get their growing belly up off the couch (or bed as the case may be) and take this big, kicking babay belluh over to the kitchen and have a straight shot of Nutella. And maybe, just maybe you will get a much happier post next time because I will be on the Nutella high that happened just after I realized what a stinker I was being. BUT we will also have prevented a lash out that could have happened at one of my poor unsuspecting friends, or readers that I don't even know, who just wanted to help me out.

Buh-bye now. I'll crawl out of my lair a little later. Don't judge the chocolate hazelnut smears on my face and the finger marks in my jar... You've been infromed that it's my personal jar and it's your problem if that makes you grossed out. On second thought, I just might add some banana...

What's Up Here?

2010-01-07T23:34:00.000-08:00

Oh, you know, just Pajama time with some silliness on the side.

(3 kids are hard to get a good photo of right before bed.)

...and even silliness when we aren't getting ready for bed too.

Nobody ever claimed we were a normal family. (This is his "getting through the bars" face.)

Curly with dressed up with her light saber. It was special for her auntie.

...don't ask.

And Ana...well, she still just thinks we are all crazy =D.

The Journey Home: Part 1

2009-12-30T18:58:00.000-08:00

I figured that even though I am tired and want to go to bed, I should write a post about the second part of our adoption before I forget it all. I have far too much working against me to try and convince myself that my memory will function properly (like pregnancy and exhaustion from sleepless children), so I will face the facts and suck it up. What's another hour of sleep anyway?!?

It all started on the Monday before Christmas, last Monday actually (though it seems much farther back than that). We had called our facilitator to see what time we needed to be up and ready for them to pick us up. These people have a way of not letting you know things until 10 minutes before they are at your door...if you're lucky...so we figured it would be best to call. We knew that we would be doing lots of running that day. We found out that our facilitator was sick and wouldn't be there with us, but was sending someone to do the work with us instead and we should be ready at 8am. Okay. Sounds good to me.

We got up Monday morning and got ready...waited for them to pick us up...watched out the window. 9 rolls around...we are still waiting (which is NOT like them, they are early if anything)...9:30...9:45...we finally call Yulia, our sick facilitator, to find out what was going on. The driver and fill in facilitator had just called her to say that they were at the courthouse picking up some documents for us and they would be running later than expected. We should expect them around 11. ELEVEN?! Are you serious?! We got up and ready at 8 and were going to be waiting until 11 with no call? We weren't all that surprised to tell you the truth, but this was the day that was going to make or break our being home by Christmas, so we were more in need of things to work quickly.

Let me just tell you right now, Ukraine lived up to it's reputation well on this day. If you haven't heard anything about Ukraine's reputation, you will understand at the end of this post. If you have...you will understand how we were feeling all day.

The thing is, they did show up around 11. We went out for the birth certificate first, which was supposed to take an hour or two to get. Then we would apply for a change of name on her social security card, then the passport. THEN we would know if we were going to have to mail off to Kyiv, or if we could do our passport in region. This was our plan. Unfortunately, our region was not being like all other regions according to the fill in facilitator (who does work as a facilitator alongside our normal one, so she does have experience). What normally takes an hour or two is a 3 day thing in this region. THAT is a little beyond normal, even for UA.

Our driver pulled some of his strings and used his connections there. He came to be our driver by the fact that his son is marrying the daughter of one of the ladies that works at children's services. The same lady who rented us her apartment for such an affordable price. She came in and did her thing and it was supposed to be good and dandy...except for one thing. Our fill in lady was...well...to use our driver's words, a wet/limp fish. They didn't get along well at all. He kept doing what he could to make things happen, to open the doors, and then she wouldn't walk through them because she was fearful of walking on anyone's toes.

And before you get too worked up, this is the normal way of things there. Yulia would have walked right through whatever doors were placed in front of her and done it with confidence. N had a hard time even with the things that were perfectly normal. Yes, N and Nikolai (our driver) were NOT the best of friends. You don't want to know the things that he said about her when she was gone the next day...

Finally, we got things moving on the birth certificate change and went to eat lunch. Handsome and I were left to eat in this fancy restaurant where they checked our coats and had tons of food all brought out at different times. I was a little nervous about what the price was going to be with how fancy it was. When we got the bill, you will never guess how much it was. Salad, bread, soup, meat, mashed potatoes, juice, and I think there was something else other than Handsome's Coke- all of that added up to what would be the same as $3 each here! Crazy I tell you!

Anyway, they came in and picked us up after we ate and they had gone to get some copies done. We went back and finished filling out paperwork for the "request" for the birth certificate. Yes, ugggh....it was just the request that took that long and so things were not looking good for getting everything done that we needed to get done that day. (Did I mention that it was freezing cold outside? Well, it was. And we were walking. A lot.) After that we had to walk to a different building to actually get the birth certificate. Which, guess what? Was not ready by nearly the end of the day. Things were about to close.

I was feeling a bit discouraged that we had been able to get so little done. Then to add to things, our fill in told us that Nikolai was going to have to take us to get the rest of our things done tomorrow because she had to leave. She was going to leave us with someone who had no legal authority for our adoption and also didn't speak English. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy-he was a wonderful help to us in so many ways. BUT I still like to know what is going on at least while we are doing it.

Then the phone rang for our fill in lady. It was Yulia, our normal facilitator who shines like the sun. She is a legend. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not. She knows her work well and she gets things done. Apparently she and her boss had been working all day from where they were in Kyiv to get our passport done for Ana. When I was feeling totally discouraged, thinking that there was no way we would be getting home for Christmas with our kids, they called to tell us that they were able to get the passport done the old way and that we had to leave right now to get Ana photographed before the passport place closed. Only thing is, we were still waiting for the birth certificate (which I will add is supposed to be done before you can even apply for the passport).

Handsome stayed with N and I went with Nikolai to get Ana in the car. The two of them walked all over doing things while we went and got Ana out of the orphanage to get her photo taken, took her back there, drove to the passport office with those photos...and quite a substantial amount of cash (read bribe). It was crazy. All day had gone so slow and then we had an extremely busy last hour.

I confess. I cried when I found out that we would be home for Christmas. That's the truth...and I was in the car with Nikolai because they didn't clarify that part for us before, just that we needed to get the passport done right now. I think he had thoughts like- crazy pregnant woman! or something like that.

We got all that done and then by the time we reached the passport office it was about closing time. Handsome and N were coming out and said that all the people to process it were gone for the night, but all we would have to do is come and pick it up in the morning, which is something I could handle.

We went home beaming and tried to book flights for Christmas Eve. We weren't so lucky, but we got one for Christmas Day that arrived home at noon. I had really hoped to be home on Christmas Eve because I thought the timing would be so great. We left the day after Thanksgiving and if we arrived home the day before Christmas we would have missed no holiday at all. As it was we still didn't miss a holiday and for that we are very grateful. God's timing was perfect. We left later than we had planned for due to H1N1 scares, but didn't miss Thanksgiving with our families. Then we were barely able to make it home in time for Christmas. What better timing could you ask for?

So back to the story...

The next morning we got up early again and started our trek for more paperwork. We first went to the office to change the SS card name to Ana's new last name. We got to the building and what should we meet with? Well, it's a little thing the locals like to call "control". The security guard decided that he didn't want to let us or our driver in. This is not unheard of either, but it was not the day for it. To skip around a little, we went around all day through different times trying to get different "bosses" to sign and seal giving us permission to get this piece of paperwork that we had full right to get. It was just a looney situation.

While we did that, we were also doing other things. We went to the passport office four or so times trying to get that as well. This was needed and then that...it was also just a mess of "control" that took all day. I will have you know that when we started the day I had our luggage ready to pack in the car so that we wouldn't have to come back to the apartment. Nikolai told us that we didn't need it. We weren't going to be out that long and everything was in the same area, so we would be fine. By the end of the morning, he had to call Yulia (who had shared many a phone call with him by that point) to tell her that he would have to send us on a later train than she had wanted. There just wasn't enough time. He also shared some frustrated mimes about how ditzy N was quite a few times. Apparently the instructions she left him were not what actually needed to be done, so we didn't even GET the paperwork from the first office done at all. We got something different done...I'm not sure, it was all communication that was done between people who speak nothing of the same language. Like I said, we got by just fine...but during paperwork times it is nice to have someone that speaks English.

I will spare you all the details. We did get everything done we needed to get done and had a little time for lunch in there too. Lunch which made me sick. So...while Handsome and Nikolai went to the market to get food for Ana on the train and some diapers, I stayed at the apartment and let my lunch flush down the drain. They then came back up to get me and I started to unlock the door. I couldn't open it. Handsome tried to unlock it from the outside and couldn't unlock it. It made all the sounds of unlocking, but it wouldn't open. Nikolai tried. It didn't work. I tried all directions of lock and unlock combinations with the top and bottom. Nothing worked. Nothing at all. I was stressing out, thinking what else could come against us right now! I was praying that God would just please move some of the obstacles out of our way because I was very sick and after 5 minutes of frantic attempts to unlock me from that apartment that had no fire exit, I was just ready to be done. Finally, it worked. It just decided to unlock...and then we were good.

Well, okay then and thank you Lord.

Then, we went to pick Ana up while I was still feeling queezy. I took some medicine that finally helped a little, and we waited for our driver to come and pick us up. He had left us to see Ana and let her say good bye to all those that she knew and loved as family while he bought our train tickets for us.

We waited and waited. He was later than expected. Yulia called to tell us that he had been in a small car accident, but would be there soon. She ate a little and threw a huge fit. They gave her candy to calm her. (Not something I hadn't seen them do before...candy for a fit...wahoo I was excited to break that habit when we got home!) When he finally got to us we had to rush and sign some papers, dress her in her snow pants and coat and get out the door to make our train. More crazy rushing. And my nerves were not doing well with all of that at this point. I was beginning to be a wreck of nerves with all of the events of the day. I just wanted some predictability and a chance to rest.

...we will continue tomorrow (or when I next get a chance) where we are leaving off- the train ride.

Home for Christmas

2009-12-26T19:02:00.000-08:00

Sorry to those of you that are not part of my Facebook friend list. I have not taken the time to update here that we made it home yesterday at noon, just in time for Christmas gifts and dinner. I have a lot to update you on, but I am also exhausted so it will have to wait. Isn't that how it works? When you have the most to share, you have the least time to do it.

I will say that Ana did very well on both planes and was amazingly good. She didn't cry or get antsy one time and we live on the west coast, so we had a LOT of flying to do to get home. She also did very well meeting her family and cuddling with those that she met. She played and wandered around as if she has been part of the family for a long time.

Today is our second day and it has been rough on her however. Her system is going through a lot right now and she is exhausted and sick. She has been throwing up today and wasn't even keeping clear liquids down most of the day. This evening I was able to give her Pedialite and it has stayed down for nearly two hours now. Hopefully that is a good sign and an answer to prayer.

Off to bed now. I am not sure how much sleep I am going to get since miss Curly was up a lot last night too. Ana is asleep, so I need to join in.

The Generosity of God

2009-12-20T11:37:00.000-08:00

With all of the things going on for us right now, being in Ukraine bringing Anastasia home and growing another baby, I am reminded of last spring. Last spring we got our tax return. It was a rather large tax return and we had a lot of things that we wanted to use it for that were all very reasonable things.

We wanted a different car with more room for our growing family. Our car at the time was a Kia Spectra, which is a great car but was limited on space. Smiles was growing, so my knees were in the dashboard if we had anywhere to go as all four of us (he weighed too much for the infant seat, but still had to face backward), and four of us filled the car. Yes, there was a seat in the middle of the two carseats, but even aunt artsy, who is really small, could not fit between the two. We couldn't take anyone in the car with us, including the dog and we were often needing to carry extra passengers.

Old Blue, our couch, was...OLD. Our other couch wasn't in the greatest shape, but Blue was in terrible condition. It had holes in it (BIG holes in the upholstery) and was plain worn out. Blue had some very good days and was still comfortable, but you have to understand that he belonged to my grandparents before our family. I remember coming home from Kindergarten sick, driven by the school nurse Mrs. Wardle (who knew my Grandma from church, so it was all good) and sleeping on that couch. I have lots of memories with that couch, but I was not above admitting that it was time to let go.

Our carpets were in bad shape too. Our ultimate goal is to get laminate flooring for the main living space since we have a dog and little children. The person who thought it was a smart idea to build a starter home with carpeted dining room space was, in my humble opinion, NOT someone who had kids. We just would have liked to get the carpets cleaned. (Would have LOVED to get new floors, but cleaning the carpets would have been great too.) We still have a vacuum that is on it's way out, but God has blessed it with a very long last leg. It might not work as well as we would like it to, but it still gets most of the job done.

These are a few of the things that we would have liked to do with our tax return, and really we could have made it work for all of those things. (We still had a bit of hospital bills from Smiles that we owed, which got paid off before anything...but that was a must, not a flexible thing. Responsibilities must be taken care of too you know.)

But we asked God. He had been (and still is I might add) teaching us a lot about generosity. We were learning how really all we had and all that we are is His anyway. I gave my life to Christ. That means I gave Him control of everything, including the possessions that I have on this Earth. We prayed and asked Him if any of these things were something that He would allow, or if He had other plans for our cash.

What did He say? Well, it was the same answer over and over again. The words that I kept hearing were, "Be generous with me, and I will be generous with you." I kept asking for a number, "Well, how much is that God?" And all He would say in return was, "Be generous with me, and I will be generous with you." So, I finally shared with my husband what I was hearing and he agreed that we should give as much as we could to God. Everything after those responsibilities. We had a few, like that hospital bill that I mentioned for Smiles.

I have pieced it together some since then, but hadn't really looked at the big picture all together that much yet. As I am here in Ukraine, away from my two little ones that I spend all of my time with, I have a little more time for thinking. And the reality is now more real. We are close to coming home with our little Ana, we are nearly home with one of the blessings that we have been given by the Lord this year.

It all started shortly after our that moment when we decided how much we were giving. Handsome got in a car accident, which I realize sounds like quite the blessing, but it did turn out to be. If you recall the car issue that we had...well, Handsome got in a car accident that totaled the car, yet the airbag didn't go off. He had no pain after the incident, even though he should have. Our insurance company gave us $2,000 more than the car was worth blue book, and we were able to get a really good deal on a car that fit our family better. It was a definite blessing in many ways. This was all a preparation in trusting God to provide. He wanted us to recognize that if He provided for us in the things that were more worldly, then He would also provide even more for the things that He called us to. It was preparation.

Shortly after our car was provided, God led us to Anastasia. Within a very short amount of time, with no $ in our bank account (because we insisted on only buying a car we could afford without payments...thus we didn't have savings yet), we committed to Ana. God called us and we knew that we could trust Him to provide. He may not always provide in the ways that we expect Him to, and not through the people that we expect Him to, but He has provided. We have been so blessed in all of the areas of our adoption. He has gone before us in all things and has provided all that we have needed Him to provide. I have also learned that His faithfulness is not dependent upon my faith. The Lord is faithful even when I don't have the faith to trust Him in every step that He asks me to take. Sometimes I don't take small steps because I am fearful and lacking faith. He has still walked toward me. He takes more steps toward me than I can ever take toward Him. This is not meeting in the middle because I am not capable. God meets me where He knows that I am able to meet Him at the moment.

Even when I feel like I fail Him.

And what about those other things? Well, old Blue made it out of our living room too. My brother and his wife moved and couldn't fit one of their couches into the new place, so they offered to give us their couch. We gladly accepted their offer. I also have heard that we were blessed with a gift of clean carpets while we are gone. I haven't seen them yet, but I'm sure they look much better than they did when we left home.

So, as I look back, I can see that we chose to give God all that we could and He was generous with us beyond what we could have come close to expecting. (Do you think that I would have ever imagined that He would bless us with two more children? I do not think so!) He also provided for all of the things that we felt like we were sacrificing to do what He asked. And even if He hadn't, I know that I would still feel blessed beyond measure. I'm sure that the new (again) Daddy next to me would agree.

So, did God do as He said when He answered, "Be generous with me and I will be generous with you." ? I would certainly say that He did.

Wild Dogs

2009-12-20T04:05:00.000-08:00

Interesting thing. But first, I will make sure that you know- the private blog for Ana's adoption is now public, so if you wanted to catch up on everything and didn't have access you can do so now. I will probably mostly post here now. It's easier to just have one blog to think about and log in to. You can get there by clicking here.

So, back to that interesting thing. There are lots of dogs wandering the streets here. You may or may not know that, I had personally heard about it before our arrival. Seeing is a little different, but not all that surprising. The dogs form small packs and spend their time around the people, but don't interact with the people at all. It's almost like there are two different worlds existing next to each other, but they don't acknowledge that the other exists.

On our daily 20 minute walk that we were making four times a day, there and back for two visits, we saw quite a few dogs. We would often pay attention to the dogs that hang out by the market we walk by that is just across the street from our apartment. There are two dogs that tend to be near the entrance to the market and sit near a fish vendor. Every morning when we are walking by, about 10:15 am, the fish vendor is pulling up to the sidewalk and opening up the back of his van. The back door pops up like a roof and he puts a tarp to make a side of protection. He sets up a scale, then brings out a bin of live fish. I wouldn't call them lively by any means, but they are alive...splish splashing around every now and again. Sometimes this dog will get fish heads or other tasty treats from the vendor. Other times women from inside will give the two dogs bones from the meat they have been cutting and selling. (I wouldn't buy meat here...most of it is not held to the standards that I would require for my meat.)

We also frequent a pizza place. When we first walked in we asked for an "English menu" and they had one (which we learned from our friend Ellen in Kyiv). They are quite kind and easy to buy food from, so we go most days. Oh...and did I mention they are cheap? Well, we get two individual pizzas and two bottles of soda for what would equal about $5 total. There are a couple of dogs outside the pizza place that we see regularly. They seem to get bones once in awhile from random people and then sleep around the buildings curling up. The people don't exist to them unless they have food for them or initiate interaction.

At night, something changes. In the late evening we start to hear the dogs bark and howl. It sounds as though they are in large groups at this point with many dogs. During the day we only see two to three at a time, but at night...at night they sound like very large groups. Something will set them off and they bark and bark running around. This was all interpreted by sound.

Until...

Yesterday morning our dog sounds seemed to migrate to our apartment complex. I started to hear them outside barking. They were very loud and sounded like they were in "attack mode", so I decided to look outside the window to see what this nighttime dog pack looked like. We had heard them nearly every night, but had never had them close enough to see.

I kind of wish they had stayed far away. I looked out the window to see a man in his car trying to get out of the complex. His car was surrounded by 8 or so dogs, barking and howling at him. They wouldn't let up and were really "attacking" his car! After some time, he turned off his car and just sat there waiting. He couldn't very well get out... Then he was saved. Another man went to his car and started it up. As you can imagine, a running car is more interesting than one that is sitting there doing nothing, so they ran over to the new car and barked at their new target. First man then started up his car and got out of there quickly. I don't know the talents of the second driver, but somehow he wasn't stuck long. He didn't even seem to be caught up by the dogs in the slightest bit. Later I saw this group around people and I was quite nervous about leaving our apartment to walk to see Ana. I am NOT an animal person most of the time, though we have a cat and dog at home. And I am NOT okay with wild packs of dogs surrounding me as you can imagine.

The time came for us to leave, and fortunately the dogs had gone off to another location for the time being. We got to the orphanage safely, albeit freezing nearly to death. (Which reminds me to tell you that it's been very cold here and we have only been visiting Ana in the morning because the snow is too bad for our driver at night, and way too cold for walking.) Walking home was no piece of cake either, but we got here and made it inside because of an old man's kindness. His kindness to the dogs...which became kindness to us even if he didn't know it. As we slyly walked in to the parking area, he was walking away from us with a bag full of bones for the dogs. I think he was leading them somewhere else. We were sneaking inside without any attention from the dogs and it seems that our old man friend had a good plan because I haven't heard them so close since then.

So, all that to tell you they have some interesting dogs in Ukraine. I was not scared of them at all until we saw the large pack of them that chases people down, but to be fair most of the dogs have been much different than those. If you visit, don't be surprised if you encounter something like either type of these dogs. Nice ones or not, you are sure to encounter wild dogs of some kind.

Four Things...

2009-12-16T10:36:00.000-08:00

Well, there has been a lot going on here, but not very much all at the same time. We are just waiting through our ten day waiting period for the time when we can start the paperwork to leave with Ana.

A couple quick updates are in order. First, as many of you already know, miss Tonya has a family! I was very excited about this and they are already going on their process to bring her home. Her new family has two teen sisters and a set of twin brothers that are five. Mom is a retired RN and Dad is a police officer (if I remember correctly). I've been talking with the mom via e-mail a bit and think that Tonya will have a wonderful new family to call her very own.

Next, it's snowing here. It's been snowing for awhile now and we are cold. I'm sure to any who live in colder areas than our mild pacific northwest weather this is no big deal...we however are adjusting to our new temperatures. It's pretty. Just cold. We might decide to have our driver take us to and from the orphanage for the second visit for the next couple of days since the 20 minute (a little more in the snow) walk home is a bit more difficult for my pregnant self when it's a whopping 18 degrees outside. Saturday is supposed to have a high of 18, and the low is foretasted to be negative 1...oh joy of joys! I can't wait!!! ;-)

Really, the snow is strange here. At home we get bigger flakes and they fall softly to the ground. This is not like that. It's a constant falling (sideways and whatnot) of tiny hard balls of "snow" that sting your face as you try to walk. Surprisingly, it still piles up pretty fast and we slip plenty too.

Pile that on top of Ana being sick right now with her cute little eyes all puffy, red, and watery...well, that will give you this mommy who is trying to keep a good attitude. I'm not showing it very well at the moment, am I. Handsome would probably agree. We are both ready to hit the road home and be in the place that we know well. All in good time. All in God's perfect time =D.

Last thing- today is Handsome's 28th birthday. Happy Birthday honey! (He is closer to 30 than me...at least on paper.) We bought a cake at the local market place and celebrated here at our apartment. It's too snowy to do much outside the house. We also stopped on our way home and had pizza for dinner instead of cooking our dinner.

I could share more, but we have been keeping busy and I am quite tired. Instead of staying on the computer and typing, I think I will choose to go to bed.

Court

2009-12-10T11:18:00.000-08:00

Today we had our court appointment to determine if they would grant us the privilege of being Anastasia's parents. It went well, though we were the first in this region to adopt special needs, we are very young (and they make sure that they point this out often for us), and we don't have a special needs child already. In the end though, we were granted rights to Anastasia and she is now officially our daughter. We can't take her out of the orphanage yet, but she is ours.

So...what happens now?

Now we wait for ten days before we can do anything. This wait is so that anyone in the country can have an opportunity to appeal the decision that was made today. Since she has had no interest in her by her parents or her adult siblings (which we just found out about today...she has two adult siblings that have never shown an interest in her at all), we don't believe that anyone would appeal this.

Then, after our ten days of visiting with Ana twice a day, and seeing any sights that we would like to see, we start the process of coming home. In region, meaning here in her town, we have three things to do. First, we get her birth certificate, which is thankfully in this city. That makes things faster for us. We get the birth certificate changed to have our names as her parents. This is done same day in a matter of an hour or so. Then we change her social security card to have her new name on it. Also done same day, so this is done the same day that the birth certificate is changed. Finally, we get her a passport. Now this is the part that we need prayer over. We will be able to make it home for Christmas IF our facilitator team is able to pull some strings to get the passport done the old way. The old way is done in region, the new way is done in Kiev. The old way we get it back right away, the new way we must wait for 3-5 business days for it to arrive back from Kiev. So, if we don't make it home for Christmas, we will be just shy of it.

This is the part that we need prayer for. Pray that we are able to get our passport the old way so that we can be home for Christmas with all of our kids. ALL of them =).

After these things we leave for Kiev where we will spend one day doing things at the US embassy (getting a visa, and medical clearance for Ana), and then the next day we can leave for home. This is all that is left between us and home. Home with our normal routine (or what will become our normal routine), and all of the people we miss.

This is my update for now. I am tired and ready for bed, but wanted to be sure and update you before I go to sleep...